Sexual in Islam - Seks Tips

Anal sex , Sex during menstruation and nifas, Sex that would be harmful or prolong recovery from an illness

2010-10-05T18:20:00.000-07:00

Oral Sex Is oral sex permitted?
Books of fiqh tend to be quite dry when it comes to bedroom behavior. What you usually find is in the form "everything is permissible, except for x, y, and z" instead of a detailed checklist of things to try if you wish. While the traditional approach of generality is fine as a teaching tool for students of knowledge who would be asked specific questions, it is less effective when laymen have no one to ask, when the only people available to ask mean well and know a bit more than the questioner but are laymen themselves, or when laymen go to the books directly.
So, since the issue of oral sex is frequently asked it seems necessary to give a general answer. I apologize that the questioner is going to get less and more than he originally asked for.
The basic list of things that are unlawful between husband and wife include:
Anal sex
Sex during menstruation and nifas
Sex that would be harmful or prolong recovery from an illness
When books talks about what is lawful, they typically mention that a husband and wife may pleasure one another in any way they wish other than the above mentioned things. Although not specific to sex, we can add the following:
Swallowing filth
Needlessly getting filthy These things are obvious.
Regarding the issue of oral sex, if it can be done in such a way that no filth is involved, then from the perspective of lawful and prohibited it in and of itself would be considered lawful. But the term "oral sex" covers a wide range of activities, and there are differences between the various schools of fiqh regarding the purity and filth of bodily fluids, namely: sperm and vaginal secretions; there seems to be agreement among the Hanafis, Shafi`is, and Hanbalis that pre-ejaculatory fluid is filthy. Something that entirely escapes the problem of filth is a man kissing the outer parts of his wife's genitals and sucking her clitoris. The first is mentioned in many books of Hanbali fiqh, saying that it is permissible before penetration and offensive after; and to clarify: the issue mentioned is not restricted to the outer parts. The second is mentioned in the Shafi`i work Fath Al-Mu`in and its meta-commentary `Iyanat Al-Talibin. For further reference, look through the index of the book of marriage for the sections concerning looking at members of the opposite sex and the sections conerning bedroom behavior .
Based on the basic guidelines above and based on the example of a man kissing his wife's genitals, it should also be lawful for a wife to kiss her husband's penis as long as she avoids any areas where there is pre-ejaculatory fluid.
But what Westerners usually have in mind when they talk about oral sex are fellatio and cunnilingus. Regarding pre-ejaculatory fluid, the only opinion I have ever seen is that it is haram. Additionally, even though the Shafi`is and Hanbali schools both consider sperm to be pure, they both agree that it is unlawful to swallow. This makes fellatio very highly likely to be unlawful. I suppose an enthusiastic couple could always use a condom.
As for cunnilingus: there are differences of opinion regarding whether or not vaginal secretions are pure or filthy, before and after penetration, and depending on where they are secreted from. Because of this, it is best avoided.
Should a couple decide to perform these acts, they must be sure to rinse out their mouths afterwards. This is something they should be doing in any case, and it is an essential part of purification for Hanbalis.
For added benefit and so we don't need to repeat this topic again: Hanbali books mention that it is lawful for a husband to achieve ejaculation by his wife masturbating him, and by rubbing his penis between her thighs or breasts. They also mention that while anal sex is absolutely unlawful, it is lawful to place a finger on the anus as long as it does not penetrate. One of the reasons for mentioning these detailed examples is to show that they were not unknown to the scholars, and in sha Allah to add strength to the idea that the general rulings mentioned in the books are sufficient for working out these detailed cases.
Up to here the topic concerns the lawful and the prohibited. But this issue is a completely separate from whether these acts should be done, and whether one spouse can compel the other one to do them.
When I asked my sheikh about these very issues he pointed out that while each spouse is responsible to provide for the other spouse's sexual needs and to keep them chaste, it is absolutely unlawful to abuse one another, mentally or physically. He also points out that Allah Most High in the Qur'an orders husband and wife to act amicably and well towards one another, and one needlessly forcing the other to do something--even when they have the right to demand it--goes against this principle. I once asked whether or not it was disobedience [nushuz] if husband demanded fellatio from his and she refused. His answer was that she is ordered to submit herself to him for intercourse: something she has not denied him here.
Even if people find this whole topic disgusting in practice, we should take note that the example given in the books is one where it is the wife who receives physical pleasure, not the husband, and that the location mentioned is the one most likely to bring about an orgasm. So much for the idea that Islam totally ignores the sexual needs of women, rendering them as little more than house keepers and sex toys for the husband's every whim. That the example of oral sex in fiqh books is for her pleasure and satisfaction should not go unnoticed.
And Allah knows best.

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Oral Sex : Is Kissing Sex Organs Allowed In Islam?

2010-09-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

Is Kissing Sex Organs Allowed In Islam?

I even asked yesterday about oral sex but no one again discuss on that serious issue, even today I don't find that topic. any way I want to know if husband force wife for oral sex then can she keep his husband happy by ONLY kissing her husband's penis. please please advise me regarding the islamic point of view. thanking you in advance.

Group: Active Members Joined: 14th Feb, 2007 Topic: 86 Post: 832 Age: 27

Posted on:24th Feb 2007, 7:16am

Re. Oral Sex

I replied with a very very detailed answer yesterday on this topic and was hoping that it was enough on this topic, but was shocked to see that they were no more here. Anyways, lets try to give some comments.
First of all in my opininon, if both husband and wife are agree, then can enjoy themselves by every mean except two conditions mentioned clearly in Islam (1) Dont do sex during menstruation (2) Dont have sex in the anus (back hole/orifice) of wife. Other than that, every thing is allowed unless it comes under moral and ethical values of Islam. Now comes the question of penis sucking. In my opinion, this organ of husband is as same as other organs of body which can be excited to have pleasure. But there are multiple functions of this organ, so before kissing, sucking or licking husband's penis, make sure that it is totally washed and made pure. There shouldnt be any bit of NAJASIT, including seminal fluid(mani) or the pre-cum (mazi). In different maslaks of islam, there are slightly different opinions on this act, but never I have read that it is HARAM or break nikah. But it is considered MAKROOH because there is a great chance that during penis sucking by wife, seminal fluid can go to wife's mouth without even her notice. And mouth is the purest place in the body, so it cant be made filthy by unpure and NAPAK thing. But penis can be kissed with care that no secretion should go to mouth. For that a wife can avoid sucking, licking the orifice/hole/opening of the penis. Or she can do it just for a while and disconnect it way before husband's ejaculation process. All this knowledge is derived on the base of different materials available on the net on islamic point of view. Its better if some islamic scholar is contacted for some fatwa.
Here I am pasting a link from web, where this problem is asked from a mufti from africa and he has answered in detail. It may help you.
http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=8124
http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=6166
Other knowledgeable/married members are expected to give their comments and correct me if I am wrong. (May Allah forgive us for all our intentional or unintentional mistakes)

Re. Oral Sex (2)

In continuation with above, if we read above mentioned fatwas, according to that scholar, it is totally prohibited. So now I wont recommend any one to go for this act, unless you get any fatwa from other/local scholar too. Here is answer of one more question:
http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=5303
The reason of clearing out the opinion to avoid any spread of wrong knowledge. Now everyone is expected to use his/her own AQAL and responsible for her own acts. Thanks.
oral sex is a bad habbit like masturbation. Though masturbation has no harm for general and sex health, but oral sex is very harmful in some cases. In certain situation doctor advise people (medically) to do masturbation. But they never advise to do oral sex.

Group: Joined: 01st Jan, 1970 Topic: Post: Age:

Posted on:24th Feb 2007, 10:08am

Life Doesn't End without Oral Sex

Thanks for remembering us Dr Saheb, but Alhamdoillah my other friends has already gave details on this matter so I think I should not continue on it. It is really sad that why Pakistani are so much thinking about oral sex? I think people are inspired by watching movies but they don’t know the reality of their culture and society. But just come and see the real face of their culture, society and family system then we can realize.

I will just try to mention some good manner about sex according to Islam lights with Hadeeths, so we can know that if we follow the Islam in correct way it is more then enough to enjoy our sex life with our wives.

In Islam, Both spouses are permitted to see each other in the nude. Both are also entitled to enjoy one another to the utmost. Mu'awiyah (may Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), which reads as follows:“ Oh Messenger of Allah! To what extent should we protect [cover] our private parts? Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have replied: Protect [cover] your private parts [fully] except from your spouse or those whom your right hand possess” [46]. Both spouses are entitled to enjoy each other fully in terms of sexual intercourse in any position, if the husband approaches his wife in the proper place, i.e., where a baby is delivered.

Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) revealed to Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) , on the spot, the following verse in Sura al-Baqarah (2:223): Your wives are as a tilth unto you: so approach your tilth when or how you will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah, and know that ye are to meet Him [in the Hereafter], and give [these] good tidings to those who believe”

Something About Fore play,

Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, which reads as follows:“ If a husband has an intercourse with his wife he must be truthful with her. If he got sexually satisfied before she does, then he should wait for her to get her satisfaction” [52].

In addition, Omar bin AbdulAziz (may Allah be pleased with him) is reported to have narrated the following Hadith of Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), which reads as follows:“ Don't approach your wife sexually and have intercourse with her right away. You should wait until she is as sexually aroused as you are. The man asked: Oh Messenger of Allah! What should I do [in order to achieve that?] He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) replied: Kiss her, touch her, and try to arouse her. If you notice that is she is as ready sexually as you are, then perform the intercourse” [53].

Life Doesn't End Without Oral Sex

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Kamasutra In Islam [30. Ar Ruum: 21] And among the signs of His power is that He created for you wives

2010-06-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

[30. Ar Ruum: 21]

And among the signs of His power is that He created for you wives of your own kind, so you tend to be and feel reassured him, and pledged his love and affection among you. Verily in this is truly there are signs for people who think.

All puja and blessing for GOD is just a Glorified and Exalted. There is no god but GOD. There is no GOD allies for the ruler of heaven and earth. Greeting and invocation to the Prophet Muhammad continues to shed sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam and his wives and his descendants.

Amma ba'du. This article is for most humans may be considered taboo

or not useful at all. It was only natural for this kind of discussion very rarely delivered by Kyai and Ustadz. But we have to realize again that Islamic Shari'a is the source of the Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam after being given instructions by GOD subhanahu wa ta'ala. So, as long as we follow what is conveyed by the Prophet and his wife and his best friend, it means we have to follow the sunnah Apostles. If they act properly, we certainly also true.

And we on this occasion to try to explain again what is justified by GOD and His messenger, in the conjugal relationship, especially manners intercourse or intercourse or sex or in modern times people call it "Kamasutra".

Kamasutra we submit this may be very contradictory and very contrary to what many are written in books such as Mujarrobat, horoscope and more. The books are then believed by the public as truth. Indeed they have established a case of religion without science tradition, but in a sense instinct alone.

REASONS FOR MARRIED

From Abu Hurairah, the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam, he said: "She was married for four things: [1] because of their possessions, [2] because of its descendants, [3] because of her beauty and [4] because of his religion. Then choose a woman who is religious, then you'll get lucky. "

[Bukhari, Muslim, Nisaa'i, Abu Dawood, Ibn Majah, Ahmad and Ad-Darami]

SHE IS A GENTLE CREATURES

From Abu Hurairah, he said: Messenger of Allah sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Verily, the woman like a rib. If you try to straighten it, then you will break it. But if you leave it, then you will enjoy it by staying in a state bent. "

[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Ahmad and Ad-Darami]

As we know from the two above hadith, that she was married by four reasons. And the best reason for marriage is because of his religion. It meant that women who understand the religion of course she will always please her husband. He knew about the obligation preen only to her husband, she also knew she had to follow the "fantasy" husband, especially in this sex, and he knew that he also has the same right to be treated with loving care.

And second, we know that women are gentle creatures and can not be treated harshly, including this sex problem. So let not the husband just because of his sexual fantasy to follow later he was being a bit rude or forcing his wife to obey her husband desires. But should the husband tells his wife that Islam justifies the "fantasy sex" was.

GOD knows what passion there is in the hearts of His servants. And the fantasy sex is a gift given to the husband and wife HER already tied up with the halal. GOD subhanahu wa ta'ala creates a desire to husband and wife to love one another, to love and be loved, loved and cherished. That's the nature of God that we should not forget. Is GOD in HIS religion of Islam, DIA has established procedures for interaction between husband and wife who later taught to the Apostles HIS HIS to be submitted to the people of HIS.

And we try to mention some mailing lists that Kamasutra and submit it to the people who are willing to accept the truth of the Apostle sunnah. We do not follow the behavior of those who disbelieve, because what is lawful by GOD subhanahu wa ta'ala, it is also permissible for us. So we should be grateful for it as a gift of GOD.

Kamasutra IN ISLAM

    * A wife should not refuse her husband for intercourse, and vice versa
    * Intercourse may be done in the daytime, but must not be in the daytime fasting month (Ramadan) because it will be subject to expiation (fine / ransom).
    * Husband-wife read the prayer before intercourse
    * The freedom of intercourse:

          o intercourse is allowed from front or from behind like an animal being married, provided that they do not put the penis into the anus.
          o intercourse may see the private parts (genitals) husband or wife
          o be naked
          o may resort to "force" anything during the intercourse

    * Husbands may release the semen (sperm) outside the vagina of his wife (with intent to avoid pregnancy)
    * If you want to repeat intercourse, it must perform ablutions again
    * If you want to sleep after intercourse, it must perform ablutions beforehand
    * Allow junub bath with husband-wife
    * Do not tell me about what is done when the husband and wife in intercourse with others, including the in-laws.

IN NO intercourse

    * Unlawful intercourse with a wife who is menstruating (menstrual)
    * Unlawful intercourse with the wife who had just finished giving birth (parturition)
    * Unlawful intercourse in the anus (rectum)

NO WIFE
HUSBAND refuse

1. WIFE HUSBAND CAN NOT refuse

From Abu Hurairah, that the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "If a wife to leave or stay away from her husband's bed, the angels curse him till morning."

[Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawood, Ahmad and Ad-Darami]

From Abu Hurairah, he said that the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "By GOD that my soul in His hands, when a man calls his wife to bed to bed, but the wife was reluctant to (refuse), then the population of heaven [angels] angry with her until her husband forgave her. "

[Muslim]

---------

Those are some hadiths that mention of the prohibition of the wife to refuse her husband. And of course we must know also that a husband must also understand the desire wife. Because the passions lust that existed at the women tend to be larger, but they were able memendamnya. So that really wise if the husband has also learned to understand it.

2. Intercourse WELCOMED IN DAY AFTERNOON

From Abu Hurairah, he said:

A man came to the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam and said: "Woe to me, O Messenger of Allah."

He asked: "What makes you hurt?"

The man replied: "I had intercourse with my wife during the daytime of Ramadan."

He asked: "Do you have something to free a slave?" He replied: Did not have.

He asked: "Are you able to fast for two consecutive months? He replied: Not able.

He asked again: "Do you have something to feed the 60 (sixty) poor?"

He replied: "No." Then he sat down to wait for a while. Then the Prophet gave him a basket of dates, and said: "This Sedekahkanlah."

The man had asked: "Which means I have to menyedekahkannya (dates) to the poorest people among us, while in this area there are no families that most need it than us."

Then the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam also laughed until one of visible teeth. Then he said: "Go home and give your family eat."

[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood, Ibn Majah, Ahmad, Malik and Ad-Darami]

This is one tradition that calls on the people of the Prophet that intercourse during the daytime. And the scholars argue that this tradition contains about permissibility husband and wife having sex during daylight hours. If the act is forbidden, of course, the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam would impose sanctions (punishment) or issue a ban.

The reason that people are fined because he intercourse on the day of Ramadan fasting. So he and his wife are not only void the fast and making up those obliged to (paying) fast, but they have to pay another penalty as mentioned in the hadith.

PRAYER BEFORE PLAYING

3. PRAYER BEFORE intercourse

From Ibn Abbas, he said: Messenger of Allah sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: If one of them will menggauli his wife, let him read:

"Bismillah. O GOD, we put away the devil, and put away evil from what YOU bestowed to us. "

Because if the destined relationship between two of them are led to the child, then Satan will not harm the child forever.

[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood, Ibn Majah, Ahmad and Ad-Darami]

4. DIRECTIONS FROM intercourse WELCOMED BACK

From Jabir, he said: The Jews used to say that if a man his wife in qubulnya menggauli (vagina) from behind, then the child is born will squint his eyes. Then came the verse:

[2. Al Baqarah: 223]. Wife-wives, is (like) the land where you grow crops, then Go to the land where the farm-tanammu it how ye will. And work (good deeds) for your souls, and fear Allah and know that you will meet Him someday. And give glad tidings to the believers of people.

[Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawood and Ad-Darami]

---------

This Hadith is a theorem that allows a husband to his wife fuck from behind as animal mating, but that kosher is come from a place that had been established that the vagina (Faraj). Now if you put his dick (penis) into the anus (rectum), it is haraam.

Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Do not you attacking the woman through his butt" or the Prophet also said: In the anus.

[Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Ahmad]

---------

From Abu Hurairah, that the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "Cursed is the man who came to the woman through the anus (anus)."

[Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Nisaa'i, Ibn Majah and Ahmad]

---------

Of course the logic and reason we know that the anus is a dirty hole because it is a channel where the shit out of him percernaan. Similarly Islam is full of holiness and love of cleanliness, of course, our religion prohibits hard fuck wife in her anus (rectum).

5. BER-FREE Fantasy

Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "And, one of intercourse inside of you no reward'. They asked, "O Messenger of Allah, is there one among us to satisfy lust and he got rewarded for that?" He said: "What do you think if she set it to something forbidden, whether he gets a sin?" They replied, "Yes", He said, "so too if he just put it on a kosher thing, then he gets a reward."

[Muslim]

---------

Hadith on the proposition to be one that gives full freedom to the husband-wife berfantasy against any desire for them both when intercourse. During their act together no one knows or a peek, then the husband and wife are given the freedom anything as Al-Baqarah: 223's. Included here if they want to see each other naked or their genitals.

6. ARE DEAD IN intercourse martyr

Even as the virtue of this intercourse, until the action was included in the group when he found himself a martyr to die in a state junub after mengumpuli wife. Vice versa.

From Jabir ibn Atik of the Prophet peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him say:

"There were seven other martyrs who died fighting sabilillah fi (in the way of Allah) are: [1] The man who was stabbed to death is martyrdom, [2] drowning is a martyr, [3] together with his wife to death is martyrdom, [4] abdominal pain is to die a martyr, [5] had burned to death is martyrdom, [6] is a martyr's death hit by debris and [7] women who die giving birth is a martyr ".

[Ahmad, Abu Dawood, Nisaa'i, and Justice in the book with comments Mustadraknya sanadnya saheeh hadith. This opinion was approved by the ADH-Dhahabi]

7. Maniy outside the vagina

From Abu Sa'id al-Khudri, he said: We fought alongside the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam against Bani Musthaliq ago we managed to capture some Arab women are beautiful. We had not been in touch with the wife, then we would love to redeem them so we can marry them and do mut'ah 'azal [remove sperm outside the vagina to prevent pregnancy]. We say: We do so while the Prophet was in the midst of us without us asking about it. Then we asked also to him and he said: "It's okay even if you do not do ('azal it) because there is not a soul that has been set for GOD created until the Day of Judgement unless bound to happen."

[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Nisaa'i, Abu Dawood, Ibn Majah, Ahmad, Malik and Ad-Darami]

---------

This is a tradition that in mansukh (deleted / in-delete), because marriage mut'ah only allowed during the three days since the revelation that time is yet to come. But after three days it was forbidden marriage mut'ah forever by GOD.

From Jabir, he said: "We still do 'azal when the Qur'an was still falling." Ishaq added; Sufyan said: "If there's something definitely forbidden the Qur'an has forbidden it."

[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Ahmad]

From Abu Sa'id al-Khudri, he said: The problem of 'azal never talked about near the Prophet sallallaahu' alaihi wa sallam. Then he asked: "Is it 'azal?" Replied the Companions: "[' azal is] A man has intercourse with his wife who was breastfeeding her child, but she did not want his wife was pregnant. Or a man who has intercourse with sahayanya servant, but he did not wish would not have become pregnant because of it. "

Replied the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam: "There's no point do you guys like it. Because the pregnancy was included Qadr. "

Words of Ibn 'Aun, "then I cry to Hasan, Hasan then said: By GOD, so it is actually a warning from GOD.

[Muslim]

---------

From Jabir, he said: "We never do 'azal the time of the Prophet and our deeds the news reached the Prophet sallallaahu' alaihi wa sallam. But he did not forbid us to do it. "

[Muslim]

From Abu Sa'id al-Khudri, he said: Messenger of Allah sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam asked people about' azal, he replied: "Not all of the semen (sperm) directly into the child. But when GOD wants to make something, none of which can be prevented. "

[Muslim]

---------

Of Saad bin Abi Waqqash, he said: A man came to the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam, then he asked: "I do' azal to my wife (who was at the time of feeding the baby). How is it legal, ya Rasulullah? "He replied:" What made you do it? "The man replied:" I am sorry for his children (fear if he becomes disabled). " Messenger of Allah said: "If it causes children with disabilities, it is definitely going to cacatlah the people of Persia and Rome." [Muslim]

---------

And many other hadith about the 'good azal of Bukhari and Muslim, not to mention the Book of Sunan and Musnad. So that the scholars were agreed that the issue semen outside the vagina is allowed.

All the hadith about 'This was then made hujjah azal (source of law) by some scholars in determining the laws of masturbation and masturbation.

And opinion in the Shafi'i school is divided into two kinds:

1. According to Imam Shafi'i: mendzalimi haraam for yourself and include adultery hand.

2. According to some "supporters of Shafi'i ulama salaf" (Shafi'i Salaf): Makruh law (moral turpitude but did not sin), because 'azal in this story of the Companions of course the same as masturbation, because the semen is itself impossible except with the aid of hand. And 'azal or masturbation is equally seminal issue, whether it is outside the vagina after intercourse or not because of promiscuity. And there is a history that tells about 'azal taken by one because the wife is menstruating.

8. LEGAL masturbation and masturbation

Case 'azal is also one argument used by scholars to support the Indonesian Government program that is KB (Family Planning), though technically different. 'Azal intended to avoid pregnancy, similarly with contraception.

The use of contraceptive pills and devices intended to kill sperm, but the scholars agree that as long as the seed was not yet 120 days old, it is not sinful because it is still in the form of blood.

Meanwhile, if more than 120 days, then killing a fetus considered a baby and a big sin.

9. IF WANT TO MAIN wudoo AGAIN

From Abu Sa'eed al Khudri, he said the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam said: If you want to repeat senggamanya intercourse then again, it must perform ablutions beforehand.

[Muslim]

---------

This Hadith does not write clearly who ordered ablution. But the scholars argued that the repeated ablution is both of them, namely husbands and wives who want to relive their intercourse. This is adjusted with other hadiths mention that intercourse is an act both cases, the obligation arising from the act should also be borne by the husband-wife's.

Similarly, if a husband-wife wants to sleep after their intercourse, they both also perform ablutions required before they are allowed to sleep or shower immediately jinabat. [Because it basically had to perform ablutions shower jinabat also].

BEDTIME Ablution

From Aisha, she said: When the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam going to bed, when he was junub, the first such ruling in his prayer ablutions, after that he was sleeping.

[Bukhari, Muslim, Nasai, Abu Dawood, Ibn Majah, Ahmad & Ad Darami]

Wudoo IF WANT TO SLEEP

From Ibn 'Umar, he said: (father)' Umar ibn al-Khattab asked the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam: Yes, Messenger of Allah, may we sleep in a state junub? Replied the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam: "It's okay, but must perform ablutions beforehand."

[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Nasai, Abu Dawood, Ibn Majah, Ahmad, Malik & Ad Darami]

From Aisha, she said: When the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam was in a state junub, when he wanted to eat or sleep, the first such ruling in his prayer ablutions.

[Muslim]

-----------------------------

From Abdullah ibn Abi Qais said: I asked Aisha about the prayer Witir Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam, then she (Aisha) replied by mentioning the Hadith about Witir. Then I ask also: What did the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam in a state jinabah (junub), whether he has a bath before bed? Or did he sleep first and then take a bath? Aisha replied: Both had done the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam. Sometimes he bathe first, and after that he was sleeping. Sometimes he made ablution first, then he slept. I said (Abdullah): Praise be to GOD who made all things into the field.

[Muslim]

10. BATH TOGETHER

From Umm Salamah, she said: When I was lying with the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam in a blanket, suddenly I'm menstruating, so I came out slowly and took special clothing menstrual period. Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam said to me: Are you menstruating? I replied: Yes. He sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam called me and I lay back down with him in a blanket. Zainab bint Umm Salamah said: She (Umm Salama) and the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam jinabat bath together in a single vessel.

[Bukhari, Muslim, Nasai, Ibn Majah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Ad Darami]

HUSBAND-WIFE SHOULD BATH TOGETHER

From Ubaid bin Umair, he said: Aisha said that Abdullah bin 'Amr ordered the women to resolve their hair when bathing. Aisha said: 'Amr Ibn How strange, he asked women to describe his hair as a shower, why not just told to shave his hair? Actually I never showered with the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam from one place and I did not flush my head more than three spray.

[Bukhari, Muslim, Nasai, Ibn Majah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Ad Darami]

From Aisha, he said: I take a bath together with the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam from one vessel, so that our hand turns into the laver. Whereas when we were both showered junub.

[Muslim]

From Aisha, he said: I take a bath and the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam (also took bath) of water a vessel called the Al Faraq vessel (volume 15 liters).

[Bukhari]

From Ibn Abbas, he said: Maimunah (wife of the Prophet SAW) preached to me that he showered (together) along with the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam from one vessel.

[Bukhari, Muslim. Tirmidhi, Nasai, Ibn Majah & Ahmad]

---------

About this case we presented in another file specifically discuss the "shower together" so that we need not explain at length.

11. DO NOT tell anyone

From Abu Sa'id al-Khudri, he said the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "That bad, bad man's place in the side of GOD will be at the Day of Judgement is where my husband of mutual confidence-trust with his wife, but then the husband opened his own personal secret wife .

[Muslim]

------------

This is the hadith that forbids us to hard or even forbidden to the husband or wife to tell her anything that they both do when having sex with others. Above Hadith says about wife personal secrets, secret means including his wife's body parts or anything related to the secret that should only be husband and wife who knows.

And people who should not be told this is all about, whether it's parents or in-laws though,

And Allaah knows best
only GOD is Knower

Original concept:

Alif_Lam_Mim_1711@yahoo.co.uk

Re-Edited:

Aysha_Khumaira@yahoo.co.idm

Cinta-Rasul@yahoogroups.com

manutd01.multiply.com

Kamasutra Dalam Islam [30. Ar Ruum: 21] Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah Dia menciptakan untukmu isteri

2010-06-02T21:27:00.000-07:00

[30. Ar Ruum: 21]
Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan-Nya ialah Dia menciptakan untukmu isteri-isteri dari jenismu sendiri, supaya kamu cenderung dan merasa tenteram kepadanya, dan dijadikan-Nya diantaramu rasa kasih dan sayang. Sesungguhnya pada yang demikian itu benar-benar terdapat tanda-tanda bagi kaum yang berfikir.

Segala puja dan puji hanyalah bagi ALLAH yang Maha Suci dan Maha Agung. Tidak ada tuhan selain ALLAH. Tidak ada sekutu bagi ALLAH sang penguasa langit dan bumi. Salam dan selawat senantiasa tercurah kepada Nabi Muhammad shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam dan istri-istri serta keturunan beliau.

Amma ba’du. Artikel ini bagi sebagian besar manusia mungkin dianggap taboo
atau tidak berguna sama sekali. Hal itu wajar saja karena pembahasan semacam ini sangat jarang disampaikan oleh Kyai maupun Ustadz. Namun haruslah kita sadari kembali bahwa syariat Islam itu sumbernya adalah dari Nabi Muhammad shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam setelah diberi petunjuk oleh ALLAH subhanahu wa ta’ala. Jadi, selama kita mengikuti apa yang disampaikan oleh Rasulullah dan para isteri serta sahabat beliau, berarti kita telah mengikuti sunnah Rasul. Jika perbuatan mereka benar, tentu kita juga benar.

Dan kita pada kesempatan ini mencoba menerangkan kembali apa-apa yang dibenarkan oleh ALLAH dan Rasul-NYA dalam hubungan suami isteri, khususnya tata krama senggama atau berhubungan badan atau berhubungan sex atau pada zaman modern ini orang menyebutnya “KAMASUTRA”.

Kamasutra yang kita sampaikan ini mungkin akan sangat bertolak belakang dan sangat bertentangan dengan apa-apa yang banyak ditulis dalam buku-buku seperti Mujarrobat, Primbon dan lainnya. Buku-buku itu yang kemudian diyakini oleh masyarakat sebagai kebenaran. Sungguh mereka telah menetapkan perkara agama tanpa ilmu hadis, melainkan secara akal naluri saja.

ALASAN MENIKAH

Dari Abu Hurairah, dari Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, beliau bersabda: “Wanita itu dinikahi karena empat perkara; [1] karena harta bendanya, [2] karena keturunannya, [3] karena kecantikannya dan [4] karena agamanya. Maka pilihlah wanita yang beragama, maka kamu akan beruntung.”
[Bukhari, Muslim, Nasa’I , Abu Dawud, Ibnu Majah, Ahmad dan Ad-Darami]

WANITA ADALAH MAKHLUK LEMBUT

Dari Abu Hurairah, ia berkata: Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda: “Sesungguhnya wanita itu seperti tulang rusuk. Jika kamu berusaha meluruskannya, maka kamu akan mematahkannya. Tetapi kalau kamu biarkan saja, maka kamu akan menikmatinya dengan tetap dalam keadaan bengkok.”
[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizi, Ahmad dan Ad-Darami]

Sebagaimana kita ketahui dari 2 hadis di atas, bahwa wanita itu dinikahi oleh 4 sebab. Dan sebaik-baik alasan nikah adalah karena agamanya. Hal itu dimaksudkan bahwa wanita yang mengerti tentang agama tentu saja ia akan senantiasa menyenangkan hati suaminya. Ia tahu tentang kewajibannya bersolek hanya untuk suami, ia juga tahu ia harus menuruti “fantasy” suami khususnya dalam hubungan sex ini, dan ia pun tahu bahwa ia juga punya hak yang sama untuk diperlakukan dengan penuh kasih sayang.
Dan kedua, kita tahu bahwa wanita makhluk yang lembut dan tidak dapat diperlakukan dengan kasar, termasuk masalah sex ini. Sehingga janganlah para suami hanya karena mengikuti fantasy sex-nya kemudian ia bersikap agak kasar atau memaksa kepada istrinya agar menuruti keinginan suami. Melainkan hendaknya para suami menjelaskan kepada istrinya bahwa Islam menghalalkan “fantasy sex” itu.
ALLAH mengetahui apa-apa hasrat yang ada dalam hati setiap hamba-NYA. Dan fantasy sex adalah karunia yang diberikan-NYA kepada suami isteri yang sudah diikat dengan halal. ALLAH subhanahu wa ta’ala menciptakan hasrat kepada suami-isteri untuk saling menyukai, untuk mencintai dan dicintai, menyayangi dan disayangi. Itulah kodrat Ilahi yang tidak boleh kita lupakan. Adalah ALLAH dalam agama-NYA Islam, DIA sudah menetapkan tata cara pergaulan antara suami dengan isteri yang kemudian diajarkan-NYA kepada Rasul-NYA untuk disampaikan kepada umat-NYA.
Dan milis kita mencoba menyebutkan beberapa KAMASUTRA itu serta menyampaikannya kepada orang-orang yang mau menerima kebenaran sunnah Rasul. Kita tidak mengikuti perilaku orang-orang kafir, karena apa yang dihalalkan oleh ALLAH subhanahu wa ta’ala, maka halal pula bagi kita. Jadi hendaknya kita syukuri itu sebagai karunia ALLAH.

KAMASUTRA DALAM ISLAM

Isteri tidak boleh menolak ajakan suaminya untuk bersenggama, demikian pula sebaliknya
Senggama boleh dilakukan pada siang hari, namun tidak boleh pada siang hari bulan puasa (Ramadhan) karena akan kena kafarat (denda/tebusan).
Suami-istri membaca doa sebelum bersenggama

Kebebasan dalam bersenggama:

bersenggama boleh dari depan maupun dari belakang seperti hewan sedang kawin, asalkan jangan memasukkan penis ke dalam anus.

bersenggama boleh melihat aurat (kemaluan) suami atau istri

boleh telanjang bulat

boleh memakai “gaya” apapun selama senggama

Suami boleh mengeluarkan air mani (sperma) di luar vagina istrinya (dengan maksud ingin menghindari kehamilan)

Jika ingin mengulangi senggama, maka harus berwudhu kembali

Jika ingin tidur sesudah bersenggama, maka harus berwudhu terlebih dahulu

Boleh mandi junub bersama suami-isteri

Jangan menceritakan tentang apa-apa yang dilakukan suami-isteri ketika senggama kepada orang lain termasuk kepada mertua.

LARANGAN DALAM SENGGAMA

Haram bersenggama dengan isteri yang sedang haid (menstruasi)

Haram bersenggama dengan isteri yang baru selesai melahirkan (nifas)

Haram bersenggama pada anus (dubur)

ISTRI TIDAK BOLEH
MENOLAK AJAKAN SUAMI
1. ISTRI TIDAK BOLEH MENOLAK AJAKAN SUAMI
Dari Abu Hurairah, bahwa Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda: “Apabila seorang istri bermalam meninggalkan atau menjauhi tempat tidur suaminya, maka malaikat akan mengutuknya sampai pagi.”
[Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, Ahmad dan Ad-Darami]
Dari Abu Hurairah, ia berkata bahwa Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda: “Demi ALLAH yang jiwaku di tangan-NYA, apabila seorang laki-laki memanggil isterinya tidur ke ranjang, tetapi si isteri enggan (menolak), maka penduduk langit [malaikat] marah kepadanya hingga suaminya memaafkannya.”
[Muslim]
---------

Itulah beberapa hadis yang menyebut tentang larangan bagi isteri menolak ajakan suaminya. Dan tentunya kita harus ketahui pula bahwa seorang suami pun harus pula memahami keinginan isterinya. Karena hasrat birahi yang ada pada wanita cenderung lebih besar, namun mereka sanggup memendamnya. Sehingga sungguh bijaksana jika suami juga belajar memahaminya.

2. BOLEH SENGGAMA DI SIANG HARI

Dari Abu Hurairah, ia berkata:

Seorang lelaki datang menemui Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam dan berkata: “Celaka saya, wahai Rasulullah.”

Beliau bertanya: “Apa yang membuat engkau celaka?”

Lelaki itu menjawab: “Saya telah bersetubuh dengan istri saya pada siang hari Ramadhan.”

Beliau bertanya: “Apakah engkau mempunyai sesuatu untuk memerdekakan seorang budak?” Ia menjawab: Tidak punya.

Beliau bertanya: “Apakah engkau mampu berpuasa selama dua bulan berturut-turut? Ia menjawab: Tidak mampu.

Beliau bertanya kembali: “Apakah engkau mempunyai sesuatu untuk memberi makan 60 (enam puluh) orang miskin?”

Ia menjawab: “Tidak punya.” Kemudian ia duduk menunggu sebentar. Lalu Rasulullah SAW memberikan sekeranjang kurma kepadanya sambil bersabda: “Sedekahkanlah ini.”

Lelaki tadi bertanya: “Berarti aku harus menyedekahkannya (kurma) kepada orang yang paling miskin di antara kita, sedangkan di daerah ini tidak ada keluarga yang paling memerlukannya selain dari kami.”

Maka Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam pun tertawa hingga kelihatan salah satu bagian giginya. Kemudian beliau bersabda: “Pulanglah dan berikan makan keluargamu.”

[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizi, Abu Dawud, Ibnu Majah, Ahmad, Malik dan Ad-Darami]

Inilah salah satu hadis yang menyebut tentang adanya umat Rasulullah yang bersenggama pada siang hari. Dan para ulama berpendapat bahwa hadis ini berisi tentang dibolehkannya suami-isteri bersenggama pada siang hari. Seandainya perbuatan itu dilarang, tentu saja Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam akan memberikan sanksi (hukuman) atau mengeluarkan larangan.

Adapun sebab orang itu kena denda adalah karena ia bersenggama pada siang hari puasa Ramadhan. Maka ia dan isterinya tidak hanya batal puasa dan wajib meng-qadha (membayar) puasanya, melainkan mereka harus membayar denda lainnya sebagaimana yang disebut dalam hadis itu.

BERDOA SEBELUM BERMAIN

3. DOA SEBELUM SENGGAMA

Dari Ibnu Abbas, ia berkata: Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda: Apabila salah seorang mereka akan menggauli isterinya, hendaklah ia membaca:

“Bismillah. Ya ALLAH, jauhkanlah kami dari setan, dan jauhkanlah setan dari apa yang ENGKAU karuniakan kepada kami.”

Karena apabila ditakdirkan hubungan antara mereka berdua tersebut membuahkan anak, maka setan tidak akan membahayakan anak itu selamanya.
[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizi, Abu Dawud, Ibnu Majah, Ahmad dan Ad-Darami]

4. BOLEH SENGGAMA DARI ARAH BELAKANG

Dari Jabir, ia berkata: Orang-orang Yahudi biasa mengatakan bahwa apabila seorang laki-laki menggauli istrinya pada qubulnya (vagina) dari belakang, maka anak yang terlahir akan juling matanya. Lalu turunlah ayat:
[2. Al Baqarah: 223]. Isteri-isterimu adalah (seperti) tanah tempat kamu bercocok tanam, maka datangilah tanah tempat bercocok-tanammu itu bagaimana saja kamu kehendaki. Dan kerjakanlah (amal yang baik) untuk dirimu, dan bertakwalah kepada Allah dan ketahuilah bahwa kamu kelak akan menemui-Nya. Dan berilah kabar gembira orang-orang yang beriman.
[Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud dan Ad-Darami]
---------

Hadis ini adalah dalil yang memperbolehkan suami untuk menyetubuhi isterinya dari arah belakang sebagaimana hewan kawin, tetapi yang halal adalah mendatanginya dari tempat yang sudah ditetapkan yaitu vagina (faraj). Adapun jika memasukkan penisnya (zakar) ke dalam anus (dubur), maka hukumnya haram.

Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda: “Janganlah kamu mendatangi perempuan lewat pantatnya” atau Nabi bersabda pula: Pada duburnya.

[Tirmizi, Ibnu Majah dan Ahmad]
---------
Dari Abu Hurairah, bahwa Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda: “Terlaknatlah laki-laki yang mendatangi perempuan lewat duburnya (anus).”
[Tirmizi, Abu Dawud, Nasa’i, Ibnu Majah dan Ahmad]
---------

Tentu saja secara logika dan akal kita mengetahui bahwa anus adalah lubang yang kotor karena merupakan saluran percernaan dimana tahi keluar darinya. Demikian pula agama Islam yang penuh dengan kesucian dan menyukai kebersihan, tentu saja agama kita melarang dengan keras menyetubuhi isteri pada anusnya (dubur).

5. BEBAS BER-FANTASY

Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda: “Dan, didalam persetubuhan salah seorang diantara kalian ada pahala”. Mereka bertanya, “Wahai Rasulullah, adakah salah seorang diantara kami memuaskan birahinya dan dia mendapat pahala karena itu?” Beliau bersabda: “Bagaimana pendapat kalian jika dia meletakkannya kepada hal yang haram, apakah dia mendapat dosa?” Mereka menjawab, “Benar”, beliau bersabda, “demikian pula jika dia meletakannya pada hal yang halal, maka dia mendapat pahala”.
[Muslim]
---------

Hadis di atas menjadi salah satu dalil yang memberikan kebebasan penuh kepada suami-isteri untuk berfantasy terhadap apapun keinginan mereka berdua ketika bersenggama. Selama perbuatan mereka berdua tidak ada yang mengetahui atau mengintip, maka suami-istri diberi kebebasan apa saja sebagaimana Al-Baqarah: 223 itu. Termasuk disini jika mereka ingin telanjang bulat atau saling melihat kemaluan mereka.

6. MATI DALAM SENGGAMA ADALAH SYAHID

Bahkan karena keutamaan bersenggama ini, hingga perbuatan itu termasuk dalam golongan syuhada apabila ia mendapati dirinya mati dalam keadaan junub setelah mengumpuli istrinya. Begitu pula sebaliknya.

Dari Jabir bin Atik dari Rasulullah shalallahu alaihi wassalam beliau bersabda:
“Syuhada itu ada tujuh selain orang yang gugur berperang fi sabilillah ( di jalan Allah) yaitu: [1] Orang yang mati ditusuk adalah syahid, [2] mati tenggelam adalah syahid, [3] mati berkumpul dengan istri adalah syahid, [4] mati sakit perut adalah syahid, [5] mati terbakar adalah syahid, [6] mati tertimpa reruntuhan adalah syahid dan [7] wanita yang mati melahirkan anak adalah syahid”.
[Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Nasa’i, dan Hakim dalam kitab Mustadraknya dengan komentar hadits ini sanadnya shahih. Pendapat ini di setujui oleh Adh-Dhahabi]

7. MENGELUARKAN MANI DI LUAR VAGINA

Dari Abu Said Al-Khudri, ia berkata: Kami berperang bersama Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam melawan Bani Musthaliq lalu kami berhasil menawan beberapa wanita Arab yang cantik. Kami sudah lama tidak berhubungan dengan isteri, maka kami ingin sekali menebus mereka sehingga kami dapat menikahi mereka secara mut’ah dan melakukan ‘azal [mengeluarkan sperma di luar vagina untuk menghindari kehamilan]. Kami berkata: Kami melakukan demikian sedangkan Rasulullah berada di tengah-tengah kami tanpa kami tanyakan tentang hal tersebut. Lalu kami tanyakan juga kepada beliau dan beliau bersabda: “Tidak apa-apa walaupun tidak kamu lakukan (‘azal itu) karena tidak ada satu jiwa pun yang telah ALLAH tentukan untuk tercipta sampai hari kiamat kecuali pasti akan terjadi.”
[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizi, Nasa’I, Abu Dawud, Ibnu Majah, Ahmad, Malik dan Ad-Darami]
---------

Ini adalah hadis yang di mansukh (dihapus / di-delete), karena nikah mut’ah hanya diizinkan selama 3 hari karena waktu itu belum datang wahyu. Namun setelah 3 hari itu nikah mut’ah ini diharamkan selama-lamanya oleh ALLAH.

Dari Jabir, ia berkata: “Kami tetap melakukan ‘azal disaat Al-Qur’an masih turun”. Ishaq menambahkan; Sufyan berkata: “Kalau ada sesuatu yang terlarang pasti Al-Qur’an telah melarang hal tersebut”.
[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmizi, Ibnu Majah dan Ahmad]
Dari Abu Said Al-Khudri, ia berkata: Masalah ‘azal pernah dibicarakan orang di dekat Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam. Lalu beliau bertanya: “Apakah itu ‘azal?” Jawab para sahabat: “[‘azal adalah] Seorang laki-laki menyetubuhi isterinya yang sedang menyusui anaknya, tetapi dia tidak ingin isterinya itu hamil. Atau seorang laki-laki yang menyetubuhi hamba sahayanya, tetapi dia tidak ingin sahaya itu hamil karenanya.”
Jawab Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam: “Tidak ada gunanya kalian berbuat seperti itu. Karena kehamilan itu termasuk qadar.”
Kata Ibnu ‘Aun, “setelah itu kukabarkan kepada Hasan, maka kata Hasan: Demi ALLAH, sesungguhnya yang demikian itu adalah teguran dari ALLAH.
[Muslim]
---------

Dari Jabir, ia berkata: “Kami pernah melakukan ‘azal pada masa Rasulullah dan berita perbuatan kami itu sampai kepada Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam. Tetapi beliau tidak melarang kami melakukannya.”
[Muslim]
Dari Abu Said Al-Khudri, ia berkata: Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam ditanya orang tentang ‘azal, jawab beliau: “Tidak semua air mani (sperma) langsung menjadi anak. Tetapi apabila ALLAH menghendaki menjadikan sesuatu, tidak satupun yang dapat menghalanginya.”
[Muslim]
---------
Dari Saad bin Abi Waqqash, katanya: Seorang laki-laki datang kepada Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, lalu dia bertanya: “Saya melakukan ‘azal terhadap isteriku (yang sedang pada masa menyusui bayi). Bagaimana itu hukumnya, ya Rasulullah?” Beliau menjawab: “Apa yang menyebabkan kamu melakukannya?” Jawab laki-laki itu: “Saya kasihan terhadap anak-anaknya (takut kalau ia menjadi cacat)”. Rasulullah bersabda: “Seandainya hal itu menyebabkan anak-anak cacat, sudah pasti akan cacatlah orang-orang

Persia

dan Romawi.” [Muslim]
---------

Dan masih banyak hadis lainnya tentang ‘azal baik dari Bukhari maupun Muslim, belum lagi dari kitab Sunan dan Musnad. Sehingga para ulama pun sependapat bahwa mengeluarkan mani di luar vagina adalah boleh.

Semua hadis tentang ‘azal ini kemudian dijadikan hujjah (sumber hukum) oleh sebagian ulama dalam menentukan hukum tentang onani dan masturbasi.

Dan pendapat dalam Mazhab Syafi’i terbagi dua:

1. Menurut Imam Syafi’i: hukumnya haram karena mendzalimi diri sendiri dan termasuk zina tangan.

2. Menurut sebagian “ulama salaf pendukung Syafi’i” (Syafi’i Salaf): hukumnya makruh (perbuatan tercela tetapi tidak berdosa), karena ‘azal dalam kisah para sahabat ini tentu saja sama dengan onani, karena mustahil mani keluar dengan sendirinya kecuali dengan bantuan tangan. Dan ‘azal maupun onani adalah sama-sama mengeluarkan mani, baik itu di luar vagina sesudah bersetubuh maupun tidak karena persetubuhan. Dan ada riwayat yang menceritakan tentang ‘azal yang dilakukan seseorang karena isterinya sedang haid.

8. HUKUM ONANI DAN MASTURBASI

Perkara ‘azal juga merupakan salah satu dalil yang dipakai oleh para ulama untuk mendukung program Pemerintah

Indonesia

yaitu KB (Keluarga Berencana) meskipun secara teknis berbeda. ‘Azal dimaksudkan untuk menghindari kehamilan, begitupula dengan kontrasepsi KB.

Penggunaan pil dan alat kontrasepsi bertujuan untuk membunuh sperma, namun para ulama sepakat bahwa asalkan benih itu belum berumur 120 hari, maka tidak berdosa karena masih berupa darah.

Sedangkan jika lebih dari 120 hari, maka dianggap membunuh janin bayi dan berdosa besar.

9. HARUS BERWUDHU JIKA INGIN MAIN LAGI

Dari Abu Sa’id Al Khudri, katanya Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam bersabda: Apabila kamu bersenggama kemudian ingin mengulangi senggamanya kembali, maka hendaklah berwudhu terlebih dahulu.

[Muslim]
---------

Hadis ini tidak menulis dengan jelas siapa yang disuruh berwudhu. Tetapi para ulama berpendapat bahwa yang mengulang wudhu adalah mereka berdua, yaitu suami dan isteri yang ingin mengulangi senggama mereka. Hal ini disesuaikan dengan hadis-hadis lain yang menyebut bahwa perkara senggama adalah perbuatan berdua, maka kewajiban yang timbul akibat perbuatan itu juga harus menjadi tanggungan suami-isteri itu.

Demikian juga apabila suami-isteri ini ingin tidur sesudah mereka bersenggama, maka mereka berdua juga diwajibkan berwudhu terlebih dahulu sebelum tidur atau mereka boleh langsung mandi jinabat. [karena pada dasarnya mandi jinabat harus berwudhu juga].

WUDHU SEBELUM TIDUR
Dari Aisyah, katanya: Apabila Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam hendak tidur, padahal beliau sedang junub, maka beliau wudhu terlebih dahulu seperti wudhu shalat, sesudah itu barulah beliau tidur.
[Bukhari, Muslim, Nasai, Abu Dawud, Ibnu Majah, Ahmad & Ad Darami]
BERWUDHU JIKA INGIN TIDUR

Dari Ibnu Umar, katanya: (ayahnya) Umar bin Khattab bertanya kepada Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam: Ya, Rasulullah, bolehkah kami tidur dalam keadaan junub? Jawab Nabi shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam: “Boleh saja, tetapi harus berwudhu terlebih dahulu.”

[Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidzi, Nasai, Abu Dawud, Ibnu Majah, Ahmad, Malik & Ad Darami]
Dari Aisyah, katanya: Apabila Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam sedang dalam keadaan junub, padahal beliau ingin makan atau tidur, maka beliau wudhu terlebih dahulu seperti wudhu shalat.
[Muslim]
-----------------------------
Dari Abdullah bin Abu Qais katanya: Aku bertanya kepada Aisyah tentang shalat Witir Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam, lalu dia (Aisyah) menjawab dengan menyebutkan hadis mengenai Witir. Kemudian aku bertanya pula: Apakah yang dilakukan Nabi shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam dalam keadaan jinabah (junub), apakah beliau mandi sebelum tidur? Ataukah beliau tidur terlebih dahulu kemudian mandi? Jawab Aisyah: Kedua-duanya pernah dilakukan Nabi shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam. Kadang-kadang beliau mandi terlebih dahulu, sesudah itu beliau tidur. Kadang-kadang beliau berwudhu terlebih dahulu baru kemudian beliau tidur. Kataku (Abdullah): Segala puji bagi ALLAH yang telah menjadikan segala urusan menjadi lapang.
[Muslim]

10. MANDI BERSAMA

Dari Ummu Salamah, ia berkata: Ketika aku sedang berbaring bersama Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam dalam satu selimut, tiba-tiba aku haid, maka aku keluar dengan pelan-pelan lalu mengambil pakaian khusus waktu haid. Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam bertanya kepadaku: Apakah kamu haid? Aku jawab: Ya. Beliau shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam memanggilku dan aku kembali berbaring bersama beliau dalam satu selimut. Zainab binti Ummu Salamah berkata: Dia (Ummu Salamah) dan Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam mandi jinabat bersama dalam satu bejana.
[Bukhari, Muslim, Nasai, Ibnu Majah, Ahmad bin Hanbal dan Ad Darami]
SUAMI-ISTERI BOLEH MANDI BERSAMA

Dari Ubaid bin Umair, ia berkata: Aisyah menyampaikan bahwa Abdullah bin Amru memerintahkan para wanita untuk mengurai rambutnya apabila mereka mandi. Aisyah berkata: Betapa anehnya Ibnu Amru ini, dia menyuruh kaum wanita untuk menguraikan rambutnya saat mandi, mengapa tidak menyuruh agar mencukur rambutnya saja? Sesungguhnya aku pernah mandi bersama Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam dari satu wadah dan aku tidak menyiram kepalaku lebih dari tiga siraman.

[Bukhari, Muslim, Nasai, Ibnu Majah, Ahmad bin Hanbal dan Ad Darami]
Dari Aisyah, ia berkata: Aku mandi berduaan dengan Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam dari satu bejana, sehingga tangan kami saling bergantian masuk ke dalam bejana itu. Padahal ketika itu kami sama-sama mandi junub.
[Muslim]
Dari Aisyah, ia berkata: Saya mandi dan Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam (juga ikut mandi) dari air satu bejana yang disebut bejana Al Faraq (volume 15 liter).
[Bukhari]
Dari Ibnu Abbas, ia berkata: Maimunah (istri Nabi SAW) mengabarkan kepada saya bahwa ia mandi (berduaan) bersama dengan Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam dari satu bak.
[Bukhari, Muslim. Tirmizi, Nasai, Ibnu Majah & Ahmad]
---------

Tentang perkara ini kita sampaikan dalam file lain yang khusus membahas mengenai “mandi bersama” sehingga tidak usah kita jelaskan panjang lebar.

11. JANGAN BILANG SIAPA-SIAPA
Dari Abu Said Al-Khudri, katanya Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam bersabda: “Seburuk-buruk tempat manusia di sisi ALLAH kelak pada hari kiamat adalah tempat suami yang telah saling percaya-mempercayai dengan isterinya, tetapi kemudian si suami membuka rahasia pribadi isterinya sendiri.”
[Muslim]
------------

Ini adalah hadis yang melarang kita dengan keras atau bahkan mengharamkan kepada pihak suami maupun isteri untuk menceritakan apapun yang mereka berdua kerjakan ketika bersenggama kepada orang lain. Hadis di atas berbunyi tentang rahasia pribadi isteri, maksudnya adalah termasuk rahasia bagian-bagian tubuh isterinya atau apapun yang berhubungan dengan rahasia yang semestinya hanya suami-isteri saja yang tahu.

Dan orang yang tidak boleh diberitahu ini adalah semuanya, apakah itu orang tua atau mertua sekalipun,

Wallahu A’lam
hanya ALLAH yang Maha Mengetahui

Original concept:

Alif_Lam_Mim_1711@yahoo.co.uk

Re-Edited:

Aysha_Khumaira@yahoo.co.idm

Cinta-Rasul@yahoogroups.com

manutd01.multiply.com

Islamic Kama Sutra by Amar Khan

2010-05-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

18 Mar, 2009

As we all know that Islam is a complete code of life. Every aspect of life is discussed in Islam. the very famous book “Kamasutra” is actually copied from Islamic texts. The real origin of Kama Sutra is the sahih hadith and sunnah of “holy” prophet. But alas, the Hindus has cheated and copied the jewels of Islamic texts in “kamasutra” and Muslims are far behind the field of modern sexology. But now its time of renaissance, so I have tried to put forward some jewel of hadith and sunnah regarding sexology so that Muslim “ummah” may prosper.

French kissing

Foreplay is very important before sex so in Islam it is very necessary. Especially, French kiss is almost obligatory. Here is the hadith regarding French kisses:
Sunaan Abu Dawud, 13:2380:

Narrated by Ayesha: The Prophet (PBUH) used to kiss her and suck her tongue when he was fasting.

Note: Ayesha was about 9 years at the time of her marriage.

Breast pressing and suckling
The second step for foreplay is breast pressing and suckling.
Malik's Muwatta: Book 30, Number 30.2.14:

Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said that a man said to Abu Musa al-Ashari, "I drank some milk from my wife's breasts and it went into my stomach." Abu Musa said, "I can only but think that she is haram for you." Abdullah ibn Masud said, "Look at what opinion you are giving the man." Abu Musa said, "Then what do you say?" Abdullah ibn Masud said, "There is only kinship by suckling in the first two years." Abu Musa said, "Do not ask me about anything while this learned man is among you."

Coitus interrupts
Islam has given us best way to prevent children so that slave girls don’t loss their price. The other advantage of coitus interruptus is that time is saved so that you may use the next slave girl.
Sahih Muslim Book 8 Number 3373:

Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (Allah be pleased with him) reported: We took women captives, and we wanted to do 'azl (coitus interruptus) with them. We then asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) about it, and he said to us: Verily you do it, verily you do it, verily you do it, but the soul which has to be born until the Day of judgment must be born. (emphasis added)

Sahih Muslim Book 8 Number 3376:

Abu Sa'id al-Khudri (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) was asked about 'azl, (coitus interruptus) whereupon he said: There is no harm if you do not do that, for it (the birth of the child) is something ordained. Muhammad (one of the narrators) said: (The words) La 'alaykum (there is no harm) implies its Prohibition.

Group sex with wives
Group sex is a very common term in the world of pornography. But it is also a very often used term in Islamic literature. Allah had given our prophet strength of seventy men. Therefore, one of the attribute of our prophet is “superman of sex”. He used to have group sex with his nine wives.
Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 5, Number 270:

Narrated Muhammad bin Al-Muntathir:

on the authority of his father that he had asked 'Aisha about the saying of Ibn 'Umar (i.e. he did not like to be a Muhrim while the smell of scent was still coming from his body). 'Aisha said, "I scented Allah's Apostle and he went round (had sexual intercourse with) all his wives, and in the morning he was Muhrim (after taking a bath)."

Sahih Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 6:

Narrated Anas:

The Prophet I used to go round (have sexual relations with) all his wives in one night, and he had nine wives.

Group sex with mother and daughter
Group sex was a holly sunnah of prophet. Some sahaba, the prophet's exalted companions, even used to do this practice with mother and daughters at the same time. But Umer did not like that practice and forbade it latter.
Malik's Muwatta, Book 28, Number 28.14.33:

Yahya related to me from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Ubaydullah ibn Abdullah ibn Utba ibn Masud from his father that Umar ibn al-Khattab was asked about a woman and her daughter who were in the possession of the right hand, and whether one could have intercourse with one of them after the other Umar said, "I dislike both being permitted together." He then forbade that.

Oral sex and thighing
Some westerners think that oral sex and thighing is the modern invention. But again it is mentioned in Islamic literature which is indeed miraculous.
Sunaan Abu Dawud, Book 1, Number 0270:

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin:

Umarah ibn Ghurab said that his paternal aunt narrated to him that she asked Aisha: What if one of us menstruates and she and her husband have no bed except one? She replied: I relate to you what the Apostle of Allah (PBUH) had done.

One night he entered (upon me) while I was menstruating. He went to the place of his prayer, that is, to the place of prayer reserved (for this purpose) in his house. He did not return until I felt asleep heavily, and he felt pain from cold. And he said: Come near me. I said: I am menstruating. He said: Uncover your thighs. I, therefore, uncovered both of my thighs. Then he put his cheek and chest on my thighs and I lent upon he until he became warm and slept.

Doggy style
This style is one of modern style. But again it is mentioned in Islamic literature centuries ago therefore it is one of the miracles of Islam.
Sahih Muslim Book 008, Number 3364:

Jabir (b. Abdullah) (Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Jews used to say that when one comes to one's wife through the vagina, but being on her back, and she becomes pregnant, the child has a squint. So the verse came down:" Your wives are your tiIth; go then unto your tilth, as you may desire."

Sahih Muslim, Book 008, Number 3365:

This hadith has been reported on the authority of Jabir through another chain of transmitters, but in the hadith transmitted on the authority of Zuhri there is an addition (of these words): "If he likes he may (have intercourse) being on the back or in front of her, but it should be through one opening (vagina)."

Anal sex
There are some Muslims, who consider it haram but they are actually stayed people. Because anal sex is not only allowed in Islam but also it is practiced by many of the Sahaba.
Lets quote verbatim from Jami al Tirmidhi [Bab al Tafseer Vol. 2, p. 382, 'Ayat Hars']:

"Ibn Abbas narrates that Hadhrath Umar went before Rasulullah (s) and "Master I am destroyed!'. Rasulullah (s) asked 'what thing has destroyed you?'. Umar replied last night I had anal sex. Rasulullah (s) did not give a reply to Umar, then Allah (swt) sent down this revelation "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; the words 'kabool wa Dhabar' (the anus is accepted)"

We read in Tafseer Qurtubi Volume 3, page 93, Ayat Hars:

"Fatwas on the permissibility of sodomy with women Saeed bin Maseeb Nafi, ibn Umar, Muhammad bin Kab, Abdul Malik, Imam Malik, a large group amongst the Sahaba and Tabaeen deemed sodomy to be permissible".

Use of stick
Wow!
This is one of the method never mentioned in any porn literature. But it is mentioned in one of the authentic book of sunni Fiqh (jurisprudence):
In Tafseer Durre Manthur Ayat Hars:

"Abu Maleeka was asked whether it was permissible to practise sodomy with women. He replied 'Last night I practised sodomy with my servant, penetration became difficult hence I sought the assistance of a stick".

http://www.islam-watch.org/Amarkhan/Islamic-Kama -Sutra

QUESTION: can a woman suck penis of her husband and in return can a man suck clirotis of his wife during sex

2010-03-29T23:38:00.000-07:00

Question
QUESTION: can a woman suck penis of her husband and in return can a man suck clirotis of his wife during sex

ANSWER: Yes as foreplay is very much encouraged in the Quran when Allah refers to your partner as a tilth- a garden to be prepared.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: so,can they really suck each other genital part.........but if a woman would suck her husbands penis....sperm would come out .....is that a problem...same case would be with the man....
can they do...whatever they like...during sex....can they have sex in any position......
is it necessary to insert penis in the wright place....that is vagina..cant he insert it in vulva

Answer
They are all good and allowed. Avoid swallowing.

Sexuality and Faith: For A Better Fulfillment

Your love lifts my soul from the body to the sky
And you lift me up out of the two worlds.
I want your sun to reach my raindrops,
So your heat can raise my soul upward like a cloud.

Rumi

Images of love making and sounds of heat-filled exchanges are splashed on screens more than from pages of Scriptures. Yet, sex is not the franchise of wicked pimps and the merchandise of insane harlots, running amok on Bollywood dance floors and spewing haram semen on lounge bars. The story of a naked Adam in company with a nude Eve is as much primordial as it is sacred reading of all our divine Books. Notwithstanding, married people are torn between these two oddities, it seems like, without much reference from Islamic sources, as to what should be the stand when sex and faith are jamming. Does sexual pleasure betray of a weakening Faith and/or should a strong faith exclude sexuality?

The sharing of passions, sexually, is the result of a connection between hearts and the sexual organs. It’s a natural thing. One should not be ashamed of it, and neither perplexed. Without sexual passions shared and moreover, shared in a responsible, deep-seated and satisfying way, one cannot hope to enjoy the greatest gift of life- cohabitation. Faith ensures that this element of intimacy is alive and kept sustained between the two consenting parties, in this case married and of humans of opposite sexes. The dynamics of sexuality isn’t to be reduced to mere meetings; simply the unions for procreation or fulfillment of marital duties. Just as food needs spices besides taste so does nocturnal relationships. Just as clothing needs style plus colors so too does conjugal relations. Just as Faith needs fanning of its dying embers so too does Love needs refueling of it’s depleting energy i.e. the rejuvenation of sexual encounters between rightful parties have to receive ominously from the quarters of love, passion, conversation, surprise, travels, retreats, erotica, entertainment, company, laughter, humor, lingerie, spontaneity, text messages, prayers, et al.

Let the Quran speak! 2:223 “Your wives are as a garden unto you; so approach your farms when or how you will…”

Foreplay is the gardener’s main job here. He digs up the soil, fertilizes it, waters the seeds and constantly overlooks the earth so flowers may spring. Imagine people are still stuck on whether to caress is fine; to kiss; to mutually enjoy sex orally; to practice fetish; to simply ruminate wild imaginations on the flesh of wet dreams or to touch one’s own genitalia for personal pleasures. These are acts that the verse above, without categorization or prohibition, calls hars- preparing your garden. Aisha, May Allah be pleased with her, reports that her husband, never mind being understandably older and religious, did not leave her sexual life high and dry. He, on whom be peace, ensured the carefulness towards a virgin, the spontaneity of a lover and the romance of a poet when he referred to her as a crystal! So they recited poetry together, ran races in laughter, bathed in the same bath tub out of sexual adventure and guarded each others secrets like true friendship demands.

The Books of Fiqh from olden times discussed in detail sexual acts without a blush! I once attended a Scared Sex workshop on World Religions and was impressed when the presenter finally came to Islam, he said: lastly, Islam, this religion has the best view- it’s an act of worship! Sex itself is an act of Ibada, for procreation or not. Abdullah ibn Abbas, ra, used to perfume his tent in preparation of his mate’s nightly encounter and considered this the greatest virtue- to please her! The Companions enjoyed multiple wives without the morning nagging.

The Quran reminds us, according to Al Gazalli, that when a man is in erection or a woman experiences orgasm, and by the way this is the most lacking Sunna among Muslim women today, the minds loses control. Q. 2:286 Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. According to the Da Vinci Code the Divine vision takes over in that brief moment of faintness. Therefore, ensure you do the best for each other sexually as such ecstasy breeds mysticism and definitely a security of marriage.

So let not Faith stand in the way of your sexuality, except, where precept clearly erects; like intercourse during menses as it’s painful or anal activity because it’s unhealthy or without matrimony as it produces illegitimate offspring and a tirade of jealousy.

Q: 2:187 “Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and you are their garments. Allah knows what you used to do secretly among yourselves; but He turned to you and forgave you; so now have intercourse with them, and seek what Allah has ordained for you…”

Rather allow the sweet sensation to tingle longer on the soft emotions of love and ride deeper into the abyss of your inner happiness, while lying bare on the rocks of Eden.

Oh Allah I ask you of the good of it and seek your refuge from the evil of it.

Sh Habeeb Alli is a freelance writer. Questions on Love can be asked at www.allexperts.com under his name.

Sex Is Good For You, The sexual aspect of life has three basic purposes:

2010-03-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

Information Taken From: Natural Healing With the Medicine of The Prophet, Translated & Emendation from original Arabic by Muhammad Al-Akili. Edited by the webmaster, because it was androcentric (male centred) in its original form. It takes two to have sex. Some men forget the pleasure is not only theirs.

The sexual aspect of life has three basic purposes:
1. Conservation of the human race, and continuity of its kind until it reaches the total number of human beings intended by Allah’s (SWT) leave to experience life in this world, to fulfill the divine purpose, and to show gratitude to its Creator.
2. Ejection of bodily fluids from the body, otherwise, suppression or retention of congested semen can cause various kinds of serious illnesses.
3. Fulfillment of one’s desire, satisfaction of one's sexual pleasure, and enjoyment of this blessing.
The latter is the only pleasure of such intercourse which is also provided in the heavenly paradise, whereby, therein three is neither ejaculation, natural discharge of bodily fluids, nor reproduction.

Sex is Good for You
Learned physicians find that sexual intercourse yields essential health benefits.
Galen attributes semen to the elements of fire and air, and describes its humors as hot and moist. This is because semen is rich in prostaglandins, which are hormonelike fatty acids found throughout the body and particularly in semen. Prostaglandins are primary nutrients that affect essential body processes, including blood pressure, metabolism, and body temperature among others. Hence, understanding the value of this most unmitigated and purest form of blood an its preciousness requires great consideration in discharging it.
This means to wisely value the reasons behind dispensing of this precious water of life for either conceiving a child, or emitting it through lawful sexual intercourse upon congestion.
In fact, congested semen which are retained for an extended period can cause various illnesses and infirmities, including obsession, habitude, lunacy, and even insanity, and sometimes, engaging in lawful sexual intercourse may aid in the recovery from such illnesses.
On the other hand, congestion and prevalence of semen for an extended period can cause its corruption, and turns it into a harmful toxin that the body cannot easily dispose of. However, sometimes, nature produces a spontaneous and involuntary emission of excess semen, usually during sleep, and without sexual intercourse.
Some learned predecessors have concluded that the human being should pledge:

1. To walk at least a certain minimum distance every day.
2. To feed his stomach at regular intervals, and not to extend fasting from food beyond the religious requirement.
3. Not to abstain from having lawful sexual intercourse, for a water well drains out if its water if its not used regularly.
Imam Muhammad ibn Zakariyya once said:
"Abstaining from sexual intercourse for an extended period weakens one’s nervous system, can cause obstruction of the urethra, and shrinks the penis."
He added when he observed some people who vowed temporary abstention from sexual intercourse, that their sexual energy diminished, they suffered general weakness of their bodies, became doleful, lost their desire, and their digestive system became corrupt.

Hold on....Only Lawful Sex
Other benefits of lawful sexual intercourse include protecting one’s eyes from looking at what is unlawful, preserving one’s chastity, controlling one’s desire and lust against what is unlawful, and providing the same for his or her spouse. This will certainly provide the believing man and woman with innumerable benefits in this world and in the hereafter. Imam Ahmad alluding to abstention from sex, once said:
"I exercise patience when fasting from food and drink, though it is still difficult."
He also reported in his collection of correct prophetic traditions that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) encouraged the believers to get married, saying:
"Get married, and conceive many children for I shall take pride in your number on the day of judgment."
Ibn Abbass (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:
"I get married, eat meat, sleep, stand up in night prayers, fast, and break my fast. Whoever disdains from my traditions (Sunnah) is not one of my followers."
He (SAW) also said:
"O young men whoever among you has the means to establish a family, he should get married, for marriage preserves the chastity of one’s eyes and sexual organ, and whoever cannot afford to establish a family, he must fast from desiring sex, for abstention in that
case will protect him from sin."
Ibn Abbass (RA) one said:
"We recognize that marriage is the best solution for two people who are in love."
It is also narrated in the two collections of correct prophetic traditions that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:
Allah’s Messenger (SAW) also encouraged people to choose the young and fertile. On this subject, Mu’qal bin Yasar related that a man said to Allah’s Messenger (SAW):
"I found a beautiful woman from a noble family but she cannot bear children, should I marry her? Allah’s Messenger (SAW) replied, "Nay." The man came back and asked a third time and asked the same question, Allah’s Messenger (SAW) turned to his companions and said: "Choose in your wives the fertile and the affectionate, for I shall take pride in your number on the day of judgment."

Hmmm...So how about some Tips?
Imam al-Tirmithi narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:
"It is among the traditions of Allah’s Messengers to marry, to brush their teeth, to anoint themselves with perfume, and to be circumcised."
Prior to engaging in sexual intercourse, it is necessary for the husband to express his affection and love for his wife by touching her, caressing her, kissing her, and sometimes sucking her tongue. Jabir bin ‘Abdullah narrated that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) enjoined upon a man not to engage in sexual intercourse before caressing his wife.
It is also a prophetic tradition to take a complete ritual ablution (ghusl) after engaging in sexual intercourse and before retiring to sleep, and at least, to take a ritual ablution (wudu), should that man desire to reengage in sexual intercourse anew.
Upon climax, the innate heat transfuses throughout the entire body, and by taking a complete ritual ablution, the water refreshes one’s spirit, and ensures cleanliness and ritual purity. It also rejuvenates the body’s innate heat, musters its caloricity, and helps the gametogenous process. Almighty Allah (SWT) says:
"Verily, We have created man from Nutfah drops of mixed semen (discharge of man and woman), in order to try him, so We made him hearer, seer. (Al-Insan 76:2)

What does Islam say about Marriage? and The position of women in Islam

2010-03-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

What does Islam say about Marriage?

Marriage in Islam is a legally binding agreement between a man and a women establishing their intention and mutual commitment to live together according to the teachings of the faith. They must remember their duty to Allah and to each other at all times, and that they have mutual rights and responsibilities.

Before I start writing anything about sexual techniques, it is necessary to say that no rules and laws exist either in foreplay or in intercourse. The only laws and rules are the ones reached by the lovers by mutual and often unspoken understanding. Whatever is pleasing and satisfying to both the husband and the wife is right and proper; and whatever is mutually displeasing is wrong. The only I imitation to this general rule would be any shari'ah rule which goes against the wishes of the husband or the wife.

(A) Foreplay:

Man often forgets that woman also has been created with the same desires as himself. Asbagh bin Nubatah quotes Imam 'Ali that, "Almighty God created sexual desires in ten parts; then He gave nine parts to women and one to men." But then Allah also gave them "equal parts of shyness.'' (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 40) Many times this shyness makes the man ignore the desires of his wife.

Based on this reality, Islam emphasizes on foreplay. Imam 'Ali says, "When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has needs (which should be fulfilled)." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 40) Sex without foreplay has been equated to cruelty. The Prophet said, "Three people are cruel: . ..a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay.'' (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 40) Another hadith equates sex without foreplay to animal behavior: "When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to them like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 82) The Prophet said, "No one among you should have sex with his wife like animals; rather there should be a messenger between them." When asked about the messenger, he said, "It means kissing and talking." (Tahzibu'l-Ihya, vol. 3, p. 110) Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq has been quoted as follows, "...there should be mutual foreplay between them because it is better for sex." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 82) The Prophet said, "...every play of a believer is void except in three cases: horse-riding, archery and mutual foreplay with his wife these are haqq." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 83)

As for the role of a woman in sexual foreplay, the Imams have praised a wife who discards shyness when she is with her husband. A hadith was quoted earlier from Imam 'Ali which said that women have been given nine-tenths of the sexual desire but Allah has also given them nine-tenths of shyness. (See p. 32) I had promised in Chapter Two to explain the rationale behind this hadith. There might seem to be a contradiction in this act of God, but it is not so. Both the sexual desire and the shyness have been placed for very specific purpose. The sexual desire is to be unleashed, yes unleashed, when a woman is with her husband, but it must be shielded with shyness when she is with other people. This has been very eloquently explained by Imam Muhammad al-Baqir when he said, "The best woman among you is the one who discards the armor of shyness when she undresses for her husband, and puts on the armor of shyness when she dresses up again." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 14-15) After all, modesty and chastity in public is the hallmark of a Muslim lady.

These sayings clearly show that the husband and the wife should feel completely free when they are engaged in mutual stimulation which is known as foreplay. There is nothing wrong, according to Islam, for a woman to be active and responsive during sex. This is diametrically opposed to the sexual morality of the Christian Western world before the sexual revolution. Russell says, "Western women of a generation or two ago can recall being warned by their mothers that sexual intercourse was an unpleasant duty which they owed to their husbands, and that they were 'to lie still and think of England'. (As quoted in Sex and Destiny, p. 94) What else but a sexual revolt could such a morality breed?

As for the Islamic shari'ah, all the mujtahids are unanimous in saying that the act of sexual foreplay in itself is mustahab (recommended). Likewise, it is recommended not to rush into sexual intercourse. (Al-'Urwah, p. 625) The operative word is mutual pleasure and satisfaction.

(B) Techniques of Foreplay:

As far as the methods of mutual stimulation in foreplay are concerned, the shari'ah allows the husband and the wife to see, kiss, touch, smell and stimulate any part of each other's body. Therefore, oral sex, as it is known in this part of the world is allowed. Imam Musa al-Kazim was once asked, "Can a person kiss his wife's vagina?" The Imam said, "No problem." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 77; for similar views of present mujtahids see al-'Urwah, p. 625) The only restriction is that no foreign object should be used. And this restriction is quite understandable: nothing can really substitute the things Allah has created in our bodies!

The restriction I am placing on the use of foreign objects is based on the following hadith. 'Ubaydullah bin Zurarah says that he had an old neighbor who owned a young slave-girl. Because of his old age, he could not fully satisfy the young slave-girl during sexual intercourse. She would therefore ask him to place his fingers in her vagina as she liked it. The old man complied with her wishes even though he did not like this idea. So he requested 'Ubaydullah to ask Imam ' Ali ar-Riza (a. s.) about it. When 'Ubaydullah asked the Imam about it, the Imam said, "There is no problem as long as he uses any part of his own body upon her, but he should not use any thing other than his body on her." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 77)

In an earlier discussion, we said that masturbation (i.e., self-stimulation of one's own sexual organ till emission of semen or orgasm) is not allowed. However, in the case of married persons, there is no problem if the wife stimulates her husband's penis till the emission of semen or the husband stimulates his wife's vagina till orgasm. (This issue has also been clearly mentioned by the late Ayatullah al-Khu'i in answer to some questions sent by an 'alim from London) This is allowed because it does not come under "self-stimulation;" it is stimulation by a lawful partner. The Qur'an clearly says that, "The believers are.. . those who protect their sexual organs except from their spouses." (23: 5-6) And stimulation of sexual organs by a lawful partner surely comes under the definition of protecting one's organ s "except from their spouses."

(C) Sexual Intercourse:

Is there any particular position for sexual intercourse which is forbidden in Islam? No! As far as the basic coital positions are concerned, there are no restrictions. I am using the term 'basic coital positions' for the positions known as the man above, face to face, woman above face to face; side position, face to face; rear-entry position in which the husband penetrates the vagina from the rear. Actually, the shari'ah has left it on the husband and the wife to explore and experiment as they wish.

In the early Islamic period, an event took place which clarified this issue for all. The people of Medina, influenced by the Jews, used man-above face to face position during sexual intercourse; whereas the Meccans liked to experiment various positions. After the migration of Muslims to Medina, a Meccan married a Medinan woman and wanted to have sex with her in his own way. The woman refused and said that he can have sex with her only in one position. The case was reported to the Prophet; so Allah revealed the verse saying "Your women are a tilth for you, so go in to your tilth as you like." (2:223) That is, in any position. (At-Tabataba'i, al-Mizan, vol. 3 (English translation) p. 319)

However, it is makruh to adopt a standing position, or to face the qiblah or keep it on the backside during the intercourse. It is advisable to refrain from the acrobatic positions given by some sexologists of the East and the West which might even cause physical harm. Remember, the basic rule is mutual pleasure and flexibility. If one partner does not like a particular position, then the other should yield to his or her feelings.

(D) Anal Intercourse:

The opinions of our mujtahids vary on the permissibility of anal intercourse. Before mentioning the preferred and correct view, I would like to explain why the mujtahids have differed in their opinions.

This variance in fatwas is because of the difference in the ahadith we have on this issue. There is a hadith, for example, from Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq quoting the Prophet that "The anus of women is haram for my community." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 104) Now this hadith categorically forbids anal intercourse. But, according to 'Allamah al-Hilli and ash-Shahid ath-Thani, the chain of narrators of this hadith is not completely flawless. (See Hilli's Tazkiratu'l-Fuqaha, vol. 2, p. 576-7; Shahid's Masalik, vol. 2, p. 303) On the other hand for example, we have a hadith from 'Abdullah bin Abi Ya'fur whose chain of narrators is authentic in which Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq was questioned about a man who had had intercourse in the anus of his wife. The Imam said, "There is no problem in it if she agrees." (Wasa'il 'sh-Shi'ah, vol. 14, p. 103)

When faced which such conflicting ahadith, most mujtahids have tried to bring them together by taking the apparently more authentic hadith (which approves anal intercourse) as a qualifier for the ahadith which totally forbid such sex. And in conclusion, they say that the prohibition in such ahadith is not on the level of haram, instead it is on the level of makruh. (See ash-Shahid ath-Thani, Sharh Lum'ah, vol. 2, p. 68 and Masalik, vol. 1, p. 438-9)

This conclusion of theirs is supported by a third category of ahadith on this subject in which the Imams have clearly and strongly discouraged their followers from anal intercourse. An example can be found in the question asked by Safwan al-Jammal to Imam 'Ali ar-Riza (a.s.) in which the latter clearly expressed his personal dislike for such act. (Wasa'ilu 'sh-Shi'ah, vol. 14, p. 102-103)

Therefore the majority of the Shi'ah mujtahids have derived two conclusions: (l) that anal intercourse is not haram but strongly disliked (karahatan shadidah) provided the wife agrees to it. (2) and if she does not agree to it, then all mujtahids say that it is precautionarily wajib to refrain from it. (See the fatawa of all contemporary mujtahids in their annotations to al-'Urwatu'l-Wuthqa, p. 628)

With all due respect to the great mujtahids who hold the above opinion, I would like to present the preferred opinion. It is true that we have conflicting ahadith from our Imams on anal intercourse, but the ahadith which approve anal intercourse are not suitable for deriving an opinion. Why? Because, in the case of conflicting ahadith, the mujtahid has to contrast them with the Sunni view prevalent at the time when the ahadith were issued by the Imams. And, then, those which agree with the Sunni view are to be considered as statements issued under taqiyyah and, therefore, not suitable for use in ijtihad. (For this methodology, the specialist reader may refer to Shaykh Murtaza al-Ansari, Rasa'il, p. 464-468) Using this method of solving the conflicting ahadith gives strength to the prohibitive ahadith and brings us to the preferred view that anal intercourse is not allowed. (For further details on this view, the specialist reader may refer to the late Ayatullah Syed Rahat Husayn al-Golalpuri, al-Intisar fi hurmati'l-adbar, Lucknow, al-Wa'iz Safdar Press, 1354 AH. To know the views of some prominent Sunnis of the Early Islamic period who approved anal intercourse, the English readers can refer to at-Tabataba'i, al-Mizan vol. 3 (English translation) pp. 320-321) Probably, it was such a consideration which caused the late Ayatullah al-Khu'i to change his view on this issue. During the last decade of his life, Ayatullah al-Khu'i departed from the majority view and gave the ruling that it was precautionarily wajib to abstain from anal intercourse no matter whether the wife agrees to it or not. (See al-Khu'i, Minhaju 's-Salihiyn, vol. 1 (Beirut: 22nd edition) p. 64)

I would strongly advise against anal intercourse, and would like to end this section with the saying of Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq and Imam 'Ali ar-Riza about anal intercourse: "Woman is a means of your pleasure, therefore do not harm her." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 101-102)

(E) Decency & Privacy

There was a time when people need not be reminded of some of the basic moral and ethical values, but now we are living in an era where moral values are changing like worn-out car tires!

One such issue is decency of dress at home and privacy at the time of sexual intercourse or intimate contact between husband and wife. There are some people in the West (of course, a minority) who think that it is okay, nay healthy, to stay naked in presence of their children! On a collective basis, they also organize nude camps. Why? So that the children will not think negatively about their own sexuality. Such parents also feel that there is nothing wrong in sexual intercourse in the presence of their children. This behavior is an example of the extreme reaction to the rigid Christian morality. To protect their children from associating sex with evil, some of these parents go to the extent of completely opening up to their children!

Such behavior is not only condemned by those who still abide by religious moral systems, it is equally condemned by those who are familiar with child psychology. A sexual manual read by millions of Westerners says, "Never involve children in adult sexual activities: militant and exhibitionist liberals who try to acclimatize children to the naturalness of sex by letting them in any level of their own sex lives probably do at least as much harm as was ever done by the prohibitive sex-is-dirty generation."

We have quite a few ahadith in which the Prophet and the Imams have emphasized that when you engage in sexual intercourse, make sure that no child (or, for that matter, any other person) sees you or hears you. Abu Basir quotes Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq as follows, "Be careful not to have sex with your wife while a child can see you. The Prophet used to dislike this (attitude) very strongly." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 94-95) If a child sees and hears the parents engaged in sexual intercourse, he might go through a shocking psychological experience. It might also create a problem in his own adult life. The manual quoted earlier says, "Most young children are biologically programmed to interpret the sight or sound of adult coition as evidence of a violent assault (they are aware of it earlier than you would expect, so don't keep babies in the bedroom), and the awareness of mother-father sexual relations is on all counts far too explosive a matter to be monkeyed with in the interest of Reichian experiments."

Islam has laid down clear guide-lines about the privacy of adults. Referring to the children who have not yet reached the age of puberty (bulugh), the Qur'an says:

O you who believe! ... Those of you who have not yet reached puberty should ask you for permission (before entering your bedroom during) three times: before the dawn prayer, when you put off your garments at midday (for siesta), and after the night prayer these are three times of privacy for you. Besides (these three times), there is no blame on you or them if you go to one another (without announcing yourselves). Thus God makes clear to you the signs, and God is All-Knowing, Wise. (24:58)

Then referring to the children who have reached the age of puberty, the Qur'an says:

When your children reach puberty, they should ask your permission (at all times before entering your bedrooms) just as those who were before them had asked permission. Thus God makes clear to you the signs, and God is All-Knowing, Wise. (24:59)

These two verses give us the following rules about privacy within and without the family circles:

1. There are three times in a day night, early morning and afternoon which are considered as times of privacy.

2. The minor children should be taught that during times of privacy they are not allowed to enter the bedroom of their parents or adults without first asking their permission. Obviously, by minor we do not mean infants; we mean the children who can understand what is right and what is wrong. I would put that at age five and above. The parents will have to ingrain this teaching to their minor children gradually.

3. At other times, the children are free to come and go into the bedroom of their parents without asking for their permission. In retrospect, this means that the parents should be decently dressed at those other times.

4. As for the mature children and adults, the Qur'an is clear that they may enter the bedroom of their parents or other adults at all times only after asking their permission.

5. DAYS & TIMES FOR SEX

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(A) Is sex forbidden at any time in marriage ?

Yes, by considering the discomfort for the women during the monthly periods, Islam has forbidden both the husband and the wife from engaging in sexual intercourse during menstruation.

The Qur'an says:

They ask you about menstruation. Say: "Menstruation is a discomfort (for women). Do not establish sexual relations with them during the menses and do not approach them (sexually) until the blood stops. Then when they have cleansed themselves, you go into them as Allah has commanded you." (2:222)

According to the shari'ah, the duration of the monthly period is between three to ten days. If the bleeding was for less than three days, it is not menstruation; if it is for more than ten days, then it is menstruation for ten days and then it is counted as istihazah, irregular bleeding during which sex is permitted. (For further details, see my Ritual Ablutions for Women.)

The prohibition of sex during the periods is limited strictly to sexual intercourse; other intimate contact (with the exception of the vagina and anus) is allowed. However, it is better not to play with her body between the navel and the knees.

If a person who is engaged in sexual intercourse with his wife discovers that her period has begun, then he should immediately withdraw from her.

It is clear from the verse mentioned above (until the blood stops) that once the blood has stopped, intercourse becomes lawful even if the woman has not performed the major ritual ablution (ghusl). But on the basis of the subsequent sentence (then when they have cleansed themselves...), most mujtahids say that it is better to refrain from intercourse till she performs the ghusl or, at least, washes her private parts. (Wasa'il, vol. 1, p. 576)

Sexual intercourse is also not allowed during the post-natal bleeding (10 days), during daytime in the month of Ramadhan, and when a person is in ihram during the pilgrimage to Mecca. At all other times, sexual intercourse is allowed.

(B) Is it discouraged (makruh) to have sex at any time or on any day ?

There are certain ahadith which say that sexual intercourse during some days and at some times is makruh, but not haram.

These days and times are as follows:

i. during frightful natural occurrences, e.g., eclipse, hurricane, earthquake;

ii . from sunset till maghrib;

ii. from dawn till sunrise;

iii. the last three nights of lunar months;

iv. eve of the 15th of every lunar month;

v. eve of 10th Zil-hijjah;

vii. after becoming junub.

Some of these are self-explanatory: I don't think any one would be in the mood for sexual intercourse during a hurricane or earthquake. The second and third examples are of the prayer times; obviously, a Muslim is expected to spend that time in meditation and prayer. One must remember, firstly, that it is makruh, not haram, to have sexual intercourse at these times. Secondly, the ahadith for such issues have been accepted on basis of the qa'idatu 't-tasamuh mentioned earlier. Thirdly, the reasons given for this karahat are mostly about possible deformity of a child conceived at that time. By looking at these reasons, I am inclined to restrict this karahat only in cases of couples who plan to have children, and not extend it to those who practice birth control.

I would therefore advise the readers to be considerate to your spouse and not to put him or her in unnecessary tension; It your spouse is very sensitive about these makruh days then try to accommodate your likes and dislikes accordingly. Mutual understanding is the key.

(A) Are there days and times when sexual intercourse is recommended?

Yes we have certain ahadith which say that it is better to have sexual intercourse at these times:

i. Sunday night;

ii. Monday night;

iii. Wednesday night;

iv. Thursday noon;

v. Thursday night;

vi. Friday evening;

vii. whenever the wife wants to have sex.

Thursday and Friday are weekends in the Islamic calendar!

(A) Are there times when it is obligatory (wajib) to have sexual intercourse ?

Yes! It is wajib on man to have sex with his wife at least once in every four months; this is considered as one of the conjugal rights of the wife. This obligation stays in force unless there is a valid excuse or the wife waives her right.

13. DUTIES OF OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS: Islamic Marriage (Nikaah) Handbook for Young Muslims, Muslim Wedding and Marriage Guide

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Other household members should also know that the time and attention of the newly married ones will be divided and previous expectations may have to be changed to suit new circumstances. In joint families, the NaMehram ladies must observe hijab if they are not living in a separate house with their husbands.

Decency and Privacy

Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) and the Imams have emphasized that when you engage in sexual intercourse, make sure that no child (or, for that matter, any other person) sees you or hears you. Abu Basir quotes Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.) as follows, "Be careful not to have sex with your wife while a child can see you. Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) used to dislike this (attitude) very strongly." If a child sees and hears the parents engaged in sexual intercourse, he might go through a shocking psychological experience. It might also create a problem in his own adult life. Islam has laid down clear guidelines about the privacy of adults.

Holy Qur'an gives us the following rules about privacy within the family circles:

1. There are three times in a day: night, early morning and afternoon, which are considered as times of privacy.

2. The minor children should be taught that during times of privacy they are not allowed to enter the bedroom of their parents or adults without first asking their permission.

3. At other times, the children are free to come and go into the bedroom of their parents without asking for their permission. In retrospect, this means that the parents should be decently dressed at those other times.

4. As for the mature children and adults, the Holy Qur'an is clear that they may enter the bedroom of their parents or other adults at all times only after asking their permission.

Conclusion: The Islamic way of life not only assures happiness and satisfaction of an individual but the society as a whole benefits by implementing the laws of Shariah. Since the society consists of families and families come into being by matrimonial relationships it is necessary that this basic unit of society is properly understood and protected from all that threatens its existence.

14. GLOSSARY OF ISLAMIC TERMS:

HARAAM: forbidden, prohibited.
IHTIYAT WAJIB: precautionary wajib.
JA'IZ, HALAAL, MUBAH: permitted, allowed, lawful, legal.
MARJA (pl. MARAJI): A high-ranking mujtahid.
MAKRUH: reprehensible, disliked, discouraged.
MUJTAHID: or FAQIH (pl. FUQAHA): a jurist.
SUNNAT or MUSTAHAB: recommended, desirable, better.
WAJIB: obligatory, necessary, incumbent.

15. BIBLIOGRAPHY:

01. Ideal Marriage - Van de Velde
02. Marriage and Morals in Islam - Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi
03. Marriage and Family Ethics - Ibrahim Amini
04. Spouse Selection - Ali Akber Mazaheri
05. Youth and Morals - S. Mujtaba Musavi Lari
06. Sexual Ethics in Islam and in the Western World - M. Mutahhari
07. Islamic Law - Ayatullah Seestani
08. Tahzeebul Islam - Allamah Majlisi
09. Adaabe Mujaameaat - Peermohammed Ebrahim Trust
10. A Gift for the Youth - Shabeeb Rizvi

12. MUTUAL RIGHTS AND BEHAVIOUR:Islamic Marriage (Nikaah) Handbook for Young Muslims, Muslim Wedding and Marriage Guide

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Remember that the bride has just left her loved ones. She might be new to this place. So she deserves consideration and a chance to adjust herself in the new environment.

Mulla Mohsin Faiz Kashani in his book, Al Waafi in the chapter of "A Woman's right over her Husband" writes that it is narrated from the Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) that some people inquired from him regarding the rights of a wife over her husband. He (s.a.w.) answered, "He should overlook her minor faults and if she commits a major mistake then he should forgive her."

Shahab Abdo Rabbeh relates that I asked Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.) concerning the rights of a woman over her husband. He (a.s.) answered, "He should fulfill all her basic necessities and must not terrorize her by getting angry time and again. i.e. after fulfilling her needs, is kind and affectionate towards her, then I swear by Allah, he has fulfilled his wife's rights."

The importance of observing the rights of a wife can be gauged from the hadith of the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) wherein he says, "The best among you is the one who observes the rights of his wife in the best possible way and I am the best among you to observe the rights of my wives."

A. The Importance of helping one's wife at home

One day the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) paid a visit to the house of Imam Ali and Fatimah Zahra (s.a.). He saw that Imam Ali (a.s.) was sieving the pulses and Fatemah (s.a.) was busy cooking. On observing this Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) remarked, "O Ali, I do not speak except what is revealed to me. Anyone who helps his wife in her domestic affairs obtains a reward of one year of worship equal to the amount of hair on his body. This year of worship will be as if he has fasted during its days and prayed during its nights. Allah will reward him equal to the reward of all the patient ones, Hazrat Dawood (a.s.) and Hazrat Isa (a.s.)."

B. Consequence of Ill Behavior with the Family

Imam Reza (a.s.) says, "Every man should strive to make his wife and children comfortable according to his capacity for if he is strict and unkind to them and because their rights are being deprived they will desire his death."

When Saad ibne Maaz, the great companion of Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) expired, he (s.a.w.) himself participated in the funeral procession and shouldered his bier quite a few times with considerable respect. Then he laid it in the grave and buried him with his own hands. On seeing the zeal of Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.), the mother of Saad cried, "Congratulations, O my son on gaining paradise." On hearing this the Messenger of Islam retorted, "Wait, do not make haste in divine affairs. Your son is in great agony and anguish at the moment." When the people inquired about the reason for this condition he (s.a.w.), replied, "He behaved very badly with his family members."

C. Rights of the Wife According to Imam Sajjad (a.s.)

"It is the right of your wife that you should know that Allah has made her for you a tranquility and comfort (in worry), and a friend and shield (against sins).

And likewise, it is incumbent upon both of you to thank Allah for your partner and to know that (the spouse) is a grace of Allah upon you. And it is obligatory to have good fellowship with this grace of Allah (i.e. wife), and to respect her and be kind to her, although your rights upon her are greater and her obedience to you is final in all your likes and dislikes so long as it is not a sin. So she has the right of love and fellowship, and a place of repose (i.e. house) so that natural desires may be fulfilled, and this in itself is a great duty. And there is no strength but by Allah."

D. Husband's rights over his Wife

The rights of a husband over his wife are numerous. The most important among them is related to having physical relationship with her. The duty of a wife is to submit herself physically before her husband. This right of the husband i.e. of having a physical relationship with his wife, as and when he wants, is obviously a reciprocation of her feelings. In absence of her husband the duties of the wife include the protection of his rights, status, wealth and respect. She must not spend his wealth without his permission nor must she reveal his secrets. Rather she should be his closest confidante.

She must not let anybody inside the house without his permission in his absence. For, doing so would lead to a lot of misunderstandings, which would have drastic repercussions on the sacred contract of marriage. She must value his ideas, plans and provisions that he has prepared for her and other family members and obey him under all circumstances. She must not disobey him come what may nor must she do any such thing which detracts him. Rather she must try her best to attract his attention towards herself by which both of them can lead a life of harmony.

Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) says that once a lady inquired from Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) regarding the rights a husband enjoys over his wife. He (s.a.w.) said, "First and foremost is that she should obey him and refrain from disobedience. She must not donate anything from his house without his permission nor can she keep recommended fasts without his approval. She must NEVER deny him his physical rights nor deprive him of its pleasures. If she steps out of the house without his permission, the angels of the heaven and the earth, of wrath and mercy, curse her till she returns to her house."

E. The Importance of obeying one's Husband

Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.) says that a group of people paid a visit to the Messenger of Islam and said, "O Prophet of Allah, we have seen such people who prostrate before each other." Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) answered, "If at all I could permit prostration before anyone except Allah, the Creator, I would have ordered the wives to prostrate before their husbands."

Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) is also reported to have said, "A wife who gives her husband water to drink attains a reward of one year of worship, a year whose nights were passed in prayers and days in fasting. In exchange of one drop of water which she provides for her husband one city is built in paradise for her and sins of sixty years are forgiven."

The author of Makaremul Akhlaq narrates on the authority of Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.), "The Jehaad of women is to be patient while facing the difficulties of life with their husbands."

F. Stricture Against Foul Language

Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, "Any woman who converses indignantly with her husband, thereby hurting his sentiments, none of her deeds either obligatory or recommended will be accepted from her until and unless her husband does not express his satisfaction with her. Even if this woman fasts during the days, prays during the nights, frees slaves or donates the best of horses in the way of Allah, she will be first to enter the fire of hell. Similar will be the fate of the husband who usurps the rights of his wife."

G. A Summary of Mutual Rights

In his book Principles of Marriage and Family Ethics, Professor Ibrahim Amini has explained in much detail the duties of husband and wives, often quoting incidents to emphasize his arguments.

Part One deals with the duties of Women: According to the author the purpose of marriage is that the wife lives with her husband. She must be kind and should respect her husband. She must not complain unnecessarily. She must have a pleasant disposition. She must be a comfort for her husband and appreciate him. She must not look for his shortcomings. She must observe Islamic Hijab. She must forgive her husband's mistakes. She must learn to cope with her husband's relatives. She must help her husband to make progress. She must not be unduly suspicious.

Part Two deals with the duties of Men: The man is the guardian of the family. He should take care of his wife and be loving towards her. He must respect her and be well mannered. He also must not complain unnecessarily. He should overlook her mistakes. He should not be suspicious about her. He should be clean at home also. He must help in the household chores and assist in bringing up children.

11. THE MAJOR ABLUTION (GHUSL JANABAT):Islamic Marriage (Nikaah) Handbook for Young Muslims, Muslim Wedding and Marriage Guide

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A. INTRODUCTION: "Janabat" is a ritual impurity caused by the discharge of semen or by sexual intercourse; and the person on whom ghusl janabat becomes wajib is known as "junub". Holy Qur'an says:

O you who believe! Do not go near prayers (salat) when you are... junub until you have washed yourselves. (Surah Nisa 4:43) O you who believe! When you stand up for prayers (salat), . . . if you are junub, then purify (yourselves). (Surah Maidah 5:6)

B. THE CAUSES OF GHUSL JANABAT (There are two causes of janabat):
1. Discharge of semen. It does not make any difference whether this discharge is while awake or in a wet dream, slight or profuse, intentionally or otherwise, in lawful way or unlawful (e.g., masturbation). In all these cases ghusl janabat becomes obligatory (wajib).

If a liquid comes out from a man and he does not know whether or not it is semen, then he should look for the following three signs: (1) emission with passion; (2) spurting discharge; (3) feeling relaxed after the discharge. If these signs are found together on him, then he should consider the liquid as semen, otherwise not.

If a secretion is discharged from a woman, then it is precautionary wajib for her to do ghusl janabat provided it came with sexual passion and she felt relaxed after it. But if the secretion comes without the sexual passion or without the feeling of relaxation after the discharge, then it is not najis and therefore ghusl is not wajib upon her.

2. Sexual Intercourse. It does not make any difference whether the intercourse was lawful or unlawful, and with or without discharge of semen. In Islamic laws, sexual intercourse is defined as the penetration of the glens into the vagina or anus of the woman. That is, for ghusl janabat to become wajib it is not necessary that full penetration or discharge of semen should take place. In case of sexual intercourse, ghusl janabat becomes wajib on both the man and the woman.

C. THINGS FORBIDDEN FOR A JUNUB (The following 4 acts are Haraam before performing the ghusl):
1. Touching the writing of Holy Qur'an, the names and attributes of Allah, the names of Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.), the Imams and Fatimah Zahra (daughter of Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.)).

2. Reciting the verses of Holy Qur'an in which sajdah (prostration) is wajib. These verses are: verse 15 of chapter 32; verse 38 of chapter 41; verse 62 of chapter 53; and verse 19 of chapter 96. It is better not to recite even a single verse from these chapters.

3. Entering or staying in the mosque. Holy Qur'an says, "O you who believe!...Nor (are you allowed to enter the masjid) if you are junub until you have washed yourself except passing through." (Surah Nisa 4:43) Based on this verse and relevant ahadith, the mujtahids have concluded that a junub is totally forbidden from staying in the mosque.

Of course, as the verse says, one can pass through the mosques (by entering from one door and leaving from the other). However, this exception of passing through does not apply to the following places: the Masjidul-Haraam (the Sacred Mosque at Makkah) Masjidun-Nabi (the Mosque of Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) at Medina), and shrines of the Imams. A junub cannot even pass through them.

4. Leaving something in or taking it out from a mosque.

D. THINGS MAKRUH (DISLIKED) FOR THE JUNUB:
1. Eating and drinking is makruh for a junub except after doing wuzu or gargling or rinsing the nose.

2. Reciting more than seven verses from Holy Qur'an. This applies to other than the four chapters with wajib sajdah mentioned above.

3. Touching the cover of Holy Qur'an.

4. Sleeping without doing wuzu.

E. THE ACTS WHOSE VALIDITY DEPEND ON GHUSL JANABAT:
1. Salat (prayers) except salatul-mayyit (the prayer for a dead Muslim), which can be performed even in the state of janabat.

2. Wajib tawaf (the circumambulation of the Ka'bah in Hajj Pilgrimage).

3. Fasting. If someone knowingly remains junub until dawn in Ramadan, his fasting will become invalid (batil).

F. MANNER OF PERFORMING GHUSL:
Ghusl is a ritual bath; it involves washing of the whole body. There are two methods of performing ghusl. One is known as ghusl tartibi, and the other is known as ghusl irtimasi.

1. Ghusl Tartibi: means an ordinal bath, performed in three stages.

After washing away the najasat (e.g., semen or blood) from the body and after niyyat, the body has to be washed in three stages: First, head down to the neck; then the right side of the body from the shoulder down to the foot; and lastly, the left side of the body.

Each part should be washed thoroughly in such a way that the water reaches the skin. Special care should be taken while washing the head; the hair should be combed (e.g., with your fingers) so that water reaches the hair-roots. While washing the right side of the body, some part of the left side must be washed too, and also, while washing the left side of the body, some part of the right side must be washed.

2. Ghusl Irtimasi: means a bath involving immersion of the whole body in the water. It is needless to say that such a ghusl can only be done in a body of water, e.g., a pool, river, lake or sea.

After washing away the semen or blood from the body and after niyyat, the whole body should be completely immersed in the water all at once, not gradually. One has to make sure that the water reaches all parts of the body, including hair and the skin under it.

However, ghusl tartibi is preferred to ghusl irtimasi.

G. RECOMMENDABLE ACTS OF GHUSL (These recommendable acts are five):
1. Washing both hands upto the elbows three times before the ghusl.
2. Gargling three times.
3. Wiping the hands on the whole body to ensure that every part has been thoroughly washed.
4. Combing the hair with the fingers to ensure that the water reaches the hair-roots.
5. (For men only) Doing istibra before ghusl janabat. Istibra, in the present context, means, "urinating." The benefit of istibra: If a liquid comes out of one's penis after completing the ghusl, and he doubts whether it is semen or urine, then should he repeat the ghusl or not? If he had done istibra before the ghusl, then he can assume that the liquid is urine he will not have to repeat the ghusl; he just has to do wuzu for his salat. But, on the other hand, if he had not done istibra before the ghusl, then he has to assume that it is the remnant of semen and he will have to do the ghusl again.

09. DUA FOR PREGNANCY: Islamic Marriage (Nikaah) Handbook for Young Muslims, Muslim Wedding and Marriage Guide

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Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.) has taught the following dua:

Transliteration: Allaahumma laa tadharni fardanw wa anta khairul waaretheen wah'eedanw wah'sheeyan fayaqs'uroo a'n tafakkori bal habli a'afiyata s'idqin dhokooranw wa onaathan aanaso behim minal wah'shate wa askuno ilaihim minal wah'date wa ashkoroka I'nda tamaame ne'matin yaa wahhaabo yaa a'zeemo yaa mo-a'z'z'amo thumma a'at'eni fee kulle a'afiyatin shukran h'atta tabloghani minha riz"waanoka fee s'idqil h'adeethe adaaail amaanate wa waqaaain bil 'ahde

Translation: O Allah! Do not keep me solitary though You are the best of Inheritors. I am alone and terrified of loneliness. This worry has reduced my thankfulness to You. So bestow on me true forgiveness and give me female and male children so that by their company I can cure my terror of loneliness. By which my loneliness is cured. So that on the completion of this bounty I can thank You. O the greatest Giver, O the Greatest, O the Bestower of greatness, after this bestows me with tawfeeq that I thank You for every kindness. Till I can achieve Your kindness by thankfulness, by speaking the truth, by returning trusts and by fulfilling oaths.

10. CONTRACEPTIVES AND ABORTION:

According to the Shi'ah fiqh, family planning as a private measure to space or regulate the family size for health or economic reasons is permissible. Neither is there any Qur'anic verse or hadith against birth control, nor is it wajib to have children in marriage.

A. THE CONTRACEPTIVE METHODS:
Let us examine some of the most commonly used contraceptive methods and determine whether they are permissible in Islam or not. It must be mentioned that we are studying the permissibility of these methods from the Shariah point of view only. For the medical opinion about the reliability or any side effects of these methods, the reader must consult his or her physician. Further each individual needs to check additional conditions, which may apply as per his Marja'a.

1. Oral Contraceptives:
Birth control pills prevent conception by inhibiting ovulation. Since all such pills inhibit ovulation, there is absolutely no problem in using them. However, the individual must consult the physician about possible side effects.

The pills like the 'morning-after' and RU486 may be taken after the intercourse BUT not after feeling or knowing that pregnancy has already occurred.

2. Depo-Provera:
Depo-Provera works exactly like the pills, but instead of taking it orally it is injected once every three months. This and other similar contraceptive methods by injection are also permissible.

3. Intrauterine Devices (IUD):
IUDs are plastic or metal objects, in a variety of shapes that are implanted inside the uterus. Since the shari' pregnancy begins at implantation, there is no problem in using IUD as a birth control device.

4. Barrier Devices:
All barrier devices prevent the sperm from entering the uterus. This is done by sheathing the penis with a condom, or by covering the cervix with a diaphragm, cervical cap, or vaginal sponge. The use of spermicidal substances, which kill the sperm before reaching the ovum, is also a barrier device. There is absolutely no problem in using these contraceptives either.

5. Abstinence During Fertile Period:
There are three basic procedures to predict ovulation so that sexual intercourse can be avoided during the approximately six days of a woman's most fertile monthly phase.

These three methods are as follows:

(a) Ovulation Method: A woman learns to recognize the fertile time by checking the difference in the constitution of the cervical mucus discharge. The cervical mucus discharge signals the highly fertile period; and thus avoiding sex during the fertile days prevents pregnancy.

(b) Rhythm Method: A method similar to the first, but it depends on observing the monthly cycles for a whole year to determine the fertile days.

(c) Temperature: In this method, besides keeping a calendar record of her cycle, a woman also takes her temperature daily to detect ovulation. She can know her ovulation whenever her basal body temperature increases.

6. Withdrawal (Coitus Interrupts):
Coitus interrupts means withdrawing the penis just before ejaculation. This was the most common method of birth control before the invention of modern devices. Muhammad bin Muslim and Abdur Rahman bin Abi Abdillah Maymun asked Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.) about withdrawal. The Imam said, "It is up to the man; he may spill it wherever he wants." Based on this hadith, the majority of our mujtahids believe that coitus interrupts is allowed but Makruh without the wife's consent.

All methods mentioned above do not involve surgical operation and they are also reversible. A woman (or man) using these methods can stop using them at anytime in order to have a child.

7. Sterilization (Sterilization involves surgical operation:
Sterilization in men, known as vasectomy, means the severing or blocking of the tube in the male reproductive tract. This tube or duct passes sperm from the testes to the prostate and other reproductive organs.

Sterilization in women, known as tubal ligation, involves the blocking or severing of the fallopian tubes, which transport the ovum.

The permissibility of sterilization depends on whether or not it is reversible.

8A. Woman can Practice Birth Control:
The wife has full right to the use of contraceptives even without the approval of her husband. However, she should not use a method, which may come in the way of her husband's conjugal rights. For example, she cannot force him to use condom or practice coitus interrupts. This rule is based upon the principle that the extent of the husband's conjugal rights over his wife is just that she should be sexually available, responsive, and cooperative. This right does not extend to that of bearing children for him. Bearing children or not is a personal decision of the woman; and therefore, she may use contraceptives provided they do not come in the way of her husband's conjugal rights.

8B. Abortion:
Islam's approach to the issue of birth control and abortion is very balanced. It allows women to prevent pregnancy but forbids them to terminate it. Abortion after the implantation of the fertilized ovum in the womb is absolutely forbidden and is considered a crime against the law of God, and the fetus.

08. SEXUAL TECHNIQUES:Islamic Marriage (Nikaah) Handbook for Young Muslims, Muslim Wedding and Marriage Guide

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There are no particular rules and laws either in foreplay or in intercourse. The only laws and rules are the ones reached by the lovers by mutual and often unspoken understanding. Whatever is pleasing and satisfying to both the husband and the wife is right and proper; and whatever is mutually displeasing is wrong. The only limitation to this general rule would be any Shariah rule, which goes against the wishes of the husband or the wife.

A. Foreplay is Highly Recommended:
Islam emphasizes on foreplay. Imam Ali (as) says, "When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has needs (which should be fulfilled)." Sex without foreplay has been equated to cruelty. Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, "Three people are cruel: .a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay."

Another hadith equates sex without foreplay to animal behavior: "When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to her like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying."

As for the role of a woman in sexual foreplay, the Imams have praised a wife who discards shyness when she is with her husband. Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) says, "The best woman among you is the one who discards the armor of shyness when she undresses for her husband, and puts on the armor of shyness when she dresses up again." After all, modesty and chastity in public is the hallmark of a Muslim lady.

These sayings clearly show that the husband and the wife should feel completely free when they are engaged in mutual stimulation, which is known as foreplay. There is nothing wrong, according to Islam, for a woman to be active and responsive during sex. As for the Islamic Shariah, all the mujtahids are unanimous in saying that the act of sexual foreplay in itself is mustahab (recommended). Likewise, it is recommended not to rush into sexual intercourse. The operative word is mutual pleasure and satisfaction.

B. Techniques of Foreplay:
As far as the methods of mutual stimulation in foreplay are concerned, the Shariah allows the husband and the wife to see, kiss, touch, smell and stimulate any part of each other's body. Therefore, oral sex, as it is known, is allowed. Imam Musa al-Kazim (a.s.) was once asked, "Can a person kiss his wife's vagina?" The Imam said, "No problem."

The only restriction is that no foreign object should be used. The restriction on the use of foreign objects is based on the following hadith. Ubaydullah bin Zurarah says that he had an old neighbor who owned a young slave-girl. Because of his old age, he could not fully satisfy the young slave-girl during sexual intercourse. She would therefore ask him to place his fingers in her vagina, as she liked it. The old man complied with her wishes even though he did not like this idea. So he requested Ubaydullah to ask Imam Ali ar-Reza (a.s.) about it. When Ubaydullah asked the Imam about it, Imam Ali ar-Reza (a.s.) said, "There is no problem as long as he uses any part of his own body upon her, but he should not use anything other than his body on her."

Though masturbation (i.e., self-stimulation of one's own sexual organ till emission of semen or orgasm) is not allowed, in the case of married persons, there is no problem if the wife stimulates her husband's penis till the emission of semen or the husband stimulates his wife's vagina till orgasm. This is allowed because it does not come under "self-stimulation;" it is stimulation by a lawful partner.

C. Sexual Intercourse:
Is there any particular position for sexual intercourse, which is forbidden in Islam? No! As far as the basic coital positions are concerned, there are no restrictions. The term 'basic coital positions' denotes the positions known as the man above, face to face, woman above face to face; side position, face to face; rear-entry position in which the husband penetrates the vagina from the rear. Actually, the Shariah has left it on the husband and the wife to explore and experiment as they wish. However, it is makruh to adopt a standing position, or to face the Qiblah or keep it on the backside during the intercourse. It is advisable to refrain from the acrobatic positions given by some sexologists of the East and the West, which might even cause physical harm.

Remember, the basic rule is mutual pleasure and flexibility. If one partner does not like a particular position, then the other should yield to his or her feelings. It is highly emphasized that at the commencement of intercourse the partners should recite Bismillaahir Rah'maanir Rah'eem (In the name of Allah the Beneficent, the Merciful).

D. Anal Intercourse:
The opinions of our mujtahids vary on the permissibility of anal intercourse. The majority of the Shi'ah mujtahids have derived two conclusions: (1) that anal intercourse is not Haraam but strongly disliked (karahatan shadidah) provided the wife agrees to it. (2) and if she does not agree to it, then all mujtahids say that it is precautionarily wajib to refrain from it.

However, during the last decade of his life, Ayatullah al-Khu'i departed from the majority view and gave the ruling that it was precautionarily wajib to abstain from anal intercourse no matter whether the wife agrees to it or not.

Maulana Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi says, "I would strongly advise against anal intercourse," and quotes the saying of Imam Jafar as-Sadiq and Imam Ali ar-Reza (a.s.) about anal intercourse: "Woman is a means of your pleasure, therefore do not harm her."

E. Hygiene:
After the intercourse the partners may first wipe their genitals with clean pieces of cloth. It is recommended that the same cloth/towel must not be used by both of them.

07. DAYS AND TIMES FOR SEX :Islamic Marriage (Nikaah) Handbook for Young Muslims, Muslim Wedding and Marriage Guide

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A. When is Sex Forbidden?
Islam has forbidden sexual intercourse during menstruation. Holy Qur'an says: They ask you about menstruation. Say: "Menstruation is a discomfort (for women). Do not establish sexual relations with them during the menses and do not approach them (sexually) until the blood stops. Then when they have cleansed themselves, you go into them as Allah has commanded you." (Surah Baqarah 2:222)

According to the Shariah, the duration of the monthly period is between three to ten days. If the bleeding was for less than three days, it is not menstruation; if it is for more than ten days, then it is menstruation for the regular number of days and istehadha for the rest of the bleeding during which sex is permitted.

The prohibition of sex during the periods is limited strictly to sexual intercourse; other intimate contact (with the exception of the vagina and anus) is allowed. However, it is better not to play with her body between the navel and the knees. If a person who is engaged in sexual intercourse with his wife discovers that her period has begun, then he should immediately withdraw from her.

It is clear from the verse mentioned above (until the blood stops) that once the blood has stopped, intercourse becomes lawful even if the woman has not performed the major ritual ablution (Ghusl). But mujtahids say that it is better to refrain from intercourse till she performs the Ghusl or, at least, washes her private parts.

Sexual intercourse is also not allowed during the post-natal bleeding called nifas (maximum 10 days), during daytime in the month of Ramadan, and when a person is in Ihram during the Hajj pilgrimage to Makkah. At all other times, sexual intercourse is allowed.

Times when Sexual Intercourse is Makruh:

i. During frightful natural occurrences, e.g., eclipse, hurricane, earthquake;
ii. From sunset till maghrib;
ii. From dawn till sunrise;
iii. The last three nights of lunar months;
iv. Eve of the 15th of every lunar month;
v. Eve of 10th Zil-hijjah;
vii. After becoming junub.

B. Recommended Days and Times for Sex.
We have certain ahadith, which say that it is better to have sexual intercourse at these times:

i. Sunday night;
ii. Monday night;
iii. Wednesday night;
iv. Thursday noon;
v. Thursday night;
vi. Friday evening;
vii. Whenever the wife wants to have sex.

C. When is it Obligatory to have Sex?
It is wajib on man to have sex with his wife at least once in every four months; this is considered as one of the conjugal rights of the wife. This obligation stays in force unless there is a valid excuse or the wife waives her right.

06. THE WEDDING NIGHT -Islamic Marriage (Nikaah) Handbook for Young Muslims, Muslim Wedding and Marriage Guide

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06. THE WEDDING NIGHT:

It is highly recommended that the wedding should take place at night. The hadith says, "Take the bride to her new home during the night." When the bride enters the room, the groom is recommended to take off her shoes and wash her feet (in a washbowl) and then sprinkle the water around the room. Then he should perform wuzu and pray two-rak'at sunnat prayer and then recite the following du'a:

Allahummar zuqni ilfahaa wa wuddaha wa riz"aaha bi; warz"ini biha, wa-ajma' baynana bi ah'sane ijtimaa'in wa anasi i-tilafin; fa innaka tuh'ibbul h'alaala wa tukrihul h'araam.

O Allah! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things.

Then he should ask the bride to do wuzu and pray two-rak'at sunnat prayer.

When they are ready to go to bed, the groom should put his hand on the bride's forehead and pray the following du'a while facing the Qiblah.

Allahumma bi amaanatika akhadhtuha wa bi kalimaatika is-tah'laltuha. Fa in qaz"ayta li minha waladan, faj-'alhu mubaarakan taqiyyan min Shi'ati Aal-i Muh'ammad (s'al-lal-laahu a'layhi wa aalihi wa sallam) wa laa taj-'al lish Shayt'aani fihi shirkan wa laa naseeba.

O Allah! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if You have decreed for me a child from her, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of the Family of Muhammad [peace be upon him and them]; and do not let Satan have any part in him/her.

Is it necessary to have sexual intercourse on the very first night after the wedding or can it be delayed? As far as the Shariah is concerned, it is neither obligatory nor forbidden to have sex on the first night. It is a private decision between the newly wed couple; it has nothing to do with others.

Info : Islamic Marriage (Nikaah) Handbook for Young Muslims, Muslim Wedding and Marriage Guide

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Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.) says: When a person intends to send a proposal for marriage, he must pray two Rakat prayers, praise Allah (SWT) and recite the following invocation:

Transliteration: Bismillah hir Rah'maanir Rah'eem.
Allaahumma inni oreedo an atazawwaja faqaddirli minannisaa-e- a-'affahunna farjawn wa ah'faz'ahunna li fi nafseha wa maali wa aw sa-a'-hunna li rizqan wa a'-z'amahunna li barakatan fi nafseha wa maali anna atroko faqaddirli minha waladan t'ayyaban taj-a'lahu khalafan s'aaleh'an fi h'ayaati wa ba'da mauti.

Translation: In the name of Allah the Beneficent, the Merciful.
O Allah! I intend to marry. Therefore destine for me the most chaste of women and one who would, for my sake, guard herself and my property. Who shall be most auspicious for increase in sustenance and bounties. Then from her womb bestow a pure son who would be my sweet reminiscence in my life and after my death.

01. INTRODUCTION:

A. Who needs this book?
This book is compiled for those intending to marry in the near future or the newly married people. In this short Nikaah Handbook we have tried to put things in a nutshell. It is recommended to do a detailed reading of other books on Marriage, references of which are given at the end of this Nikah Handbook.

B. Why do we need to know the rules?
It is the duty of every Muslim to follow the Islamic laws not only in matters of prayers and fasting but also in all his actions. Islam has well defined rules about marriage and sex too. So if you want to follow Islam fully, then you must know the Islamic rules and regulations governing married life. Islam has never repressed the natural feelings of human beings but provides rules, which are divine.

This will not only enable you to be faithful to your religion but would also shield you from the barrage of Sex literature that portrays this natural instinct as one that must be left uncontrolled. Western sexual morality permits many things that are prohibited in Islam. The reason for the prohibition of certain actions is not to act as an infringement of an individual's freedom but because Islam is concerned not only with your physical well being but also your spiritual enhancement. Moreover, we can see the degradation of society where absolute sexual freedom prevails.

C. Main Objective of the Nikah Handbook.
The commencement of a new life takes place through marriage. If Islamic rules are known and followed, the child born will be chaste. Insha Allah, our progeny can then be capable of being the Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) and his holy Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) followers.

02. IMPORTANCE OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM:

Holy Quran says: And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing. (Surah Nur 24:32)

The above ayat begins with the words Wa Ankehoo (And marry ...) The imperative form of the word 'nikah' implies that either it is obligatory or highly recommended. According to scholars, though marriage is a highly recommended act, it becomes obligatory when there is a chance of falling into sin.

Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) says, "No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage."

On another occasion Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said: "The best people of my nation (Ummat) are those who get married and have chosen their wives, and the worst people of my nation are those who have kept away from marriage and are passing their lives as bachelors."

Imam Ali (a.s.) exhorts, "Marry, because marriage is the tradition of Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.)." Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) also said, "Whosoever likes to follow my tradition, then he should know that marriage is from my tradition."

A. Importance of sex in marriage.
In Islam, marriage is not restricted to a platonic relationship between husband and wife, nor is it solely for procreation. The Islamic term for marriage, "Nikah" literally means sexual intercourse. So why has Islam provided extensive rules and regulation regarding sex? This was because Islam has fully understood that sexual instincts cannot and must not be repressed. They can only be regulated for the well being of human beings in this life and for their success in the hereafter.

Sex in married life has been openly recommended in Holy Qur'an, "When they [i.e., the wives] have cleansed themselves [after menstruation], you go into them as Allah has commanded." (Surah Baqarah 2:222)

B. Fulfillment of Sexual Urge.
Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) and the Holy Imams (a.s.) also encouraged their followers to marry and to fulfill their sexual urges in lawful ways as can be seen. Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, "O you young men! I recommend marriage to you."

Imam Reza (a.s.) said, "Three things are from the traditions of the messengers of God: using perfume, removing the [excessive] hair and visiting one's wife."

C. Celibacy and Monasticism is Forbidden.
Islam is totally opposed to monasticism and celibacy. Uthman bin Maz'un was a close companion of Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.). One day his wife came to Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) and complained, "O Messenger of God! Uthman fasts during the day and stands for prayers during the night." In other words, she meant to say that her husband was avoiding sexual relations during the night as well as the day. Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) was angered. He did not even wait to put on his slippers. He went to Uthman's house and found him praying. When Uthman finished his prayers and turned towards Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.), he said, "O Uthman! Allah did not send me for monasticism, rather He sent me with a simple and straight [Shariah]. I fast, pray and also have intimate relations with my wife. So whosoever likes my tradition, then he should follow it; and marriage is one of my traditions."

D. Beneficial Effects of a Married Life.
Various studies prove that married people remain healthier, physically and mentally. Islam has always maintained that marriage is beneficial for us in many ways.

Islam also regards marriage as a way to acquire spiritual perfection. Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, "One who marries, has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half." How true! A person who fulfills his sexual urges lawfully would rarely be distracted in spiritual pursuits.

E. Marriage (Nikaah) enhances the value of prayers.
Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said, "Two rak 'ats (cycles) prayed by a married person are better than the night-vigil and the fast of a single person." A woman came to Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) and said that she had tried everything to attract her husband but in vain; he does not leave his meditation to pay any attention to her. Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) told her to inform her husband about the reward of sexual intercourse, which he described as follows: "When a man approaches his wife, he is guarded by two angels and [at that moment in Allah's views] he is like a warrior fighting for the cause of Allah. When he has intercourse with her, his sins fall like the leaves of the tree [in fall season]. When he performs the major ablution, he is cleansed from sins."

F. Marriage (Nikah) increases Sustenance.
Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) remarked, "Give spouses to your single ones, because Allah (SWT) makes their morality better (improves it) (under the shadow of marriage) and expands their sustenance and increases their generosity (human values)."

03. WHEN MUST WE MARRY?

The proper time and age of marrying is when the individual reaches sexual as well as mental maturity. Mental maturity may mean the capability of establishing a cordial family life and the ability to fulfill rights of family members.

The need of a spouse and family is a natural and instinctive need, which Allah (SWT) through His Wisdom has placed in human beings and is awakened at its particular time and season, and makes its demand. If it is answered on time and its requirement fulfilled, it traverses its natural course and makes the person perfect. If it is delayed or answered in an incorrect and unnatural mode, it deviates from its natural course, and in surges and rebels, and not only becomes corrupt itself, but also corrupts the man.

Who is eligible to marry?
For man to become eligible for taking a woman's hand in marriage, Islam has several recommendations. According to Islamic laws, when a boy attains the age of fifteen, or becomes sexually potent, he is Baligh, and has attained puberty. But this is not enough for entering into a contract of marriage (Nikaah).

Apart from the laws related to puberty, there is a concept of Rushd which can be translated as 'capability of a sensible conduct' or maturity. A husband has to be Rashid and a wife Rashidah; so that the responsibilities of married life are sensibly discharged. Books of Islamic law may be referred for exact details on physical and mental maturity.

Recommendation for Early Marriage (Nikah).
Islam highly recommends an early marriage. Even those who feel they would not be able to bear the expenses of family are urged to repose faith in Allah, as He is the Giver of Sustenance (Rizq), and go for an early marriage.

04. SELECTION OF SPOUSE:

Now that we have seen how much importance Islam has accorded to marriage and marital life you would perhaps ask, "How do we select a spouse? What are the guidelines provided by Islam in this regard? Do we look for some particular characteristics or just try to get the best from the worldly point of view?"

Are Pre-Marital contacts Necessary?
Ali Akber Mazaheri writes: "The notion that a man and a woman must 'know' each other before they decide to marry, so that they may then be able to live happily together is an illusion. Had there been any element of truth and validity in this, the divorce and separation rates in societies, which practice it, would not have shown a steady rise. Similarly, the marriages which take place without such pre-marital contacts would not have been known to last happily."

The Shariah permits the intended spouses to see each other for the purpose of selection and also permits asking and giving opinions if asked (without it being considered as Gheebat under certain conditions). We should never resort to deceive the opposite party or conceal a defect during the selection process. Such things can have serious ramifications if exposed after marriage.

The school of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) has not left us to follow our whims and fancies. We have been taught the best method of selecting a suitable spouse. The most important criterion is piety or religiousness.

A. Religiousness: The author of Youth and Spouse Selection says, "The person who does not have religion, does not have anything."

When a man came to Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) to seek guidance for selecting a spouse. He (s.a.w.) said, "It is binding upon you to have a religious spouse."

Knowing the human weakness for beauty and wealth, the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) has forewarned, "A man who marries a woman for the sake of her wealth, Allah leaves him in his own condition, and one who marries her (only) for her beauty, will find in her (things) which he dislikes (unpleasing manners) and Allah will gather up all these things for one who marries her for the sake of her faith (religiousness)."

B. Good nature: Imam Reza (a.s.) wrote in reply to a person who had asked him if it was advisable to marry his daughter to a person known for his ill nature, "If he is ill-natured (bad tempered), don't marry your daughter to him." The same will apply where the bride-to-be lacks a good nature. Such a woman, though she may be beautiful and rich, would make the life of her husband miserable. She can never be patient in the difficulties that arise in married life.

C. Compatibility: Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) gave no recognition to class distinction, but in marriage, he stressed upon compatibility. The marrying partners must be Kufw of each other, so that there are no unnecessary misgivings later. It is better for a religious woman who is committed to laws and principles to marry a man like herself.

A man questioned Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.), "Whom must we marry?"
He replied, "The suitable (matches)."
"Who are the suitable matches?"
Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) responded, "Some of the faithful are match for others."

Imam Jafar as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, "An intelligent and wise woman must not be matched except with a sage and wise man."

D. Decent Family: The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) has given great emphasis on taking into consideration a good family background when we intend to marry.

He said, "Marry in the lap of a decent family, since the semen and the genes have effect."

Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) also said, "Look very carefully and minutely as to where you are placing your child because genes and hereditary qualities are transferred in a concealed and unintentional way and have their effect."

E. Reason: The Commander of the Faithful, Imam Ali (a.s.) strongly forbade marrying a foolish and insane person. "Avoid marrying a stupid woman, since her company is a woe (distress) and her children too get wasted."

F. Physical and Mental Health: Though religiousness and piety are most important, it does not mean that we totally disregard the physical appearance and beauty of the prospective spouse.

Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) says, "When one intends to marry a woman, he should ask about her hair, just as he asks about her face (beauty), since the hair is one of the two beauties (of women)."

G. Whom can you marry? "Islamic law has placed certain restrictions on the choice of your spouse depending upon blood relationships and religious affiliations." Maulana Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi has summarized these laws in a beautiful way:

(a) Restrictions based on Relationship

There are certain blood relations, which are considered Haraam for you as far as marriage is concerned. (As a general rule, anyone who is your Mahram is forbidden to you for marriage.) The list of such relatives is given in the Holy Qur'an as follows:

For Man: mother, daughter, paternal aunt, maternal aunt, niece, foster-mother, foster-sister, mother-in-law, stepdaughter, daughter-in-law, all married women, sister-in-law (as a 2nd wife) (See Holy Qur'an, ch. 4, verse 23-24)

For Woman: father, son, paternal uncle, maternal uncle, nephew, foster-mother's husband, foster-brother, father-in-law, stepson, son-in-law.

(b) Restrictions based on Religion

A Shi'ah Muslim man can marry: a Shi'ah Muslim woman and a non-Shi'ah Muslim woman. However, if there is danger of being misled, then it is Haraam.

He can also marry a Jewish or Christian woman in mut'a only. But he cannot marry a woman of any other faith.

A Shi'ah Muslim woman can marry: a Shi'ah Muslim man or a non-Shi'ah Muslim man, although it is better not to do so; and if there is danger of being misled, then it is Haraam. But she cannot marry a non-Muslim man.

Though Shariah does not forbid marriage between first cousins, but there are opinions advocating against them mainly due to a probable risk of the offspring inheriting genetic defects/diseases.

05. THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY:

1. Engagement or Mangni: Does not qualify the future spouses to go out together, even if the parents consent. Man and woman become permissible for each other only after the performance of Nikah.

2. Dowry: The unislamic system of demanding and accepting dowry must be avoided at all costs. Shariah does not make any expense incumbent on the bride/bride's parents. Even the marriage expenses, it is recommended to be borne by the bridegroom. However, the bride can bring whatever she wants of her free will, and it will always belong to her.

3. Other Unislamic Customs: Many other unislamic customs have crept into the marriage ceremony of some Muslims. These customs are either borrowed from non-Muslim cultures or continue because they are established in past generations. One must avoid them if they are against the Shariah, even if some people are displeased. Other customs like the breaking of coconut etc. also do not feature among the Islamic rituals. All actions, customs etc., which show disrespect to Islam or weaken the importance of Islam, have to be avoided.

4. Haraam Acts: Some of the rituals in marriage ceremonies are absolutely Haraam like the playing of music. It is also Haraam for ladies to go for mixed gatherings without proper Hijab. Such things invite divine wrath and take away the blessings of this auspicious occasion. In the Islamic Law, marriage is an Aqd, a contract. The components of this contract are as follows:

A. Proposal: In Islam the process of proposal by a man to a woman for her hand in marriage, or for that matter, to her family, is encouraged. Islam considers this natural, and recommends it as an act of respectability and dignity for women.

B. Mahr: And the intending husband is asked to offer a Mahr to the bride. Holy Quran says, And give women their Mahr as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result. (Surah Nisa 4:4)

The following points are worthy of consideration:

a) Mahr must be agreed upon by the marrying partners themselves, not by parents.
b) Mahr is her right, to which her husband remains indebted.
c) It is a free gift and not her price.

The Mahr may be cash, kind or non-material (like training or teaching something). It can be paid up front or can be in form of promise to pay upon demands decided prior to the solemnization of marriage. Moajjal (immediate), Muwajjal and Indat-talab (on demand). However, it is much recommended to pay it before or at the time of Nikah itself.

C. The Nikah Ceremony: According to Shariah, the wife-to-be says, 'An Kah'tu nafsaka a'lal mah'ril ma'loom'. ("I have given away myself in Nikah to you, on the agreed Mahr.")

Immediately, the man (bridegroom) says, 'Qabiltun Nikaha'. ("I have accepted the Nikah.")

With these pronouncements, they become husband and wife.

If the marrying partners are not able to recite the formula in Arabic, one or two persons or priests are appointed and authorized to officiate. One who represents the bride would first seek her explicit consent to officiate on her behalf, and so would the other who acts on behalf of the groom. Naturally, there would be a slight variation in the pronouncements, because the persons reciting them are appointees. A person who represents the bride would initiate by saying, "Ankah'tu muwakkilati muwakkilaka a'lal mah'ril ma'loom." ("I give away in Nikah the woman who has thus appointed and authorized me, to the man who has authorized you, on an agreed Mahr.")

The groom's representative would respond, "Qabiltunnikaaha limuwakkili a'lal mah'ril ma'loom." ("I accept the Nikah on behalf of the one who has appointed me, on the agreed Mahr.")

It is mustahab to recite a brief discourse or Khutba before the Nikah formula is enunciated. In this Khutba, Allah is praised for His Wisdom in regulating the lawful process of procreation, and then the traditions from Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) are also recited.

D. Time of Marriage Ceremony: Though basically marriage is allowed at all times, there are some days on which marriage is not recommended; some of these are based on ahadith and some on cultural, historical reasons.

Generally, we can categorize these days into three: (a) There are some ahadith which say that it is makruh (not recommended) to have a marriage ceremony on the days when the moon is in the constellation of Scorpio (this is known as al-qamar fil aqrab or qamar dar aqrab), during the last two or three days of the lunar months, and on Wednesdays. (b) There are certain days of the Islamic calendar, which have become associated with the early events of the Islamic history; for example, the 10th of Muharram is the day of mourning for the massacre at Karbala or the day of Holy Prophet Muhammad's (s.a.w.) death in Safar, etc. Since such days are commemorated by the Muslims as days of mourning, it is socially and, to some extent, religiously not recommended to have a marriage ceremony on such days.

Shia Ithna Ashari (Twelver Shias), especially in India and Pakistan, rarely perform marriage ceremony between the 1st of Muharram and the 8th of Rabi al-Awwal as this period includes the mourning days of Muharram culminating in the martyrdom of Imam Askari (a.s.). The 9th Rabi al-Awwal is celebrated as Eid-e-Zahra.

If there is a need, however, Nikah, can be performed at any time.

E. Permission of the Bride-to-be/Father: The girl's consent is necessary and has to be taken by her representative, directly.

In case of a virgin/spinster the father's or the grandfather's permission is also necessary. However if the permission is unreasonably withheld under some conditions or the girl has no father/paternal grandfather it is not necessary. However, a woman who is not a virgin, does not require any permission in case of remarriage.

F. Valima (Dinner): Valima is highly recommended on the groom. The relatives, neighbors and friends must be invited for Valima. However, lavish spending is not advisable especially when the same money can be used effectively by the couple.

Sex Technique

2009-12-18T18:20:00.000-08:00

Any manoevre or position that adds to the pleasure of the sexual encounter between husband and wife is permissible and commendable. One exception is anal intercourse, which is forbidden in Islam. A man may get to his wife from her behind, provided the male organ is introduced in the vagina and not in the anus. This was clearly indicated by the Quran and the Sunna- The Quran says:

"Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when and how you will" (2:223)

The similie on this verse makes intercourse similar to agriculture, entailing putting the seed into the soil in the hope of getting the fruit; and this does not apply to anal sex.

Several prophetic traditions forbid the practice of anal sex:

"Do not visit women into their back passages" (Ahmad, Termizi, Ibn Magah)

When the jews of Madina argued with some muslims and said that vaginal coitus approached from behind would cause the baby to have squint in his eyes, the prophet denied this and said:

"From behind or from the front as long as it is in the vagina." (Muslim and Abu Dawood)

"Cursed he. ..who has sex with a woman through her back passage." (Ahmad)

It is reported that the occasion when the verse of the Quran "Your wives are a tilth unto you, so approach your tilth how and when you will", was when Umar ibn al Khattab (prophet's companion and later second caliph) had (vaginal) sex with his wife approaching her from behind and was worried lest it be unlawful. He went to the prophet looking distressed, and asked why he was worried, he used the modest and shy expression: Apostle of God. I changed my saddle'last night' , He was relieved when the Quran and the prophet announced the permissibility of the practice. Another Quranic reference to this matter came with the injunction that intercourse is to be avoided while the woman is menstruating:

"They ask you concerning menstruation. Say it is a hurt and a pollution. So keep away from women during their periods and do not approach them until they become clean. But when they have purified themselves you may approach them in any manner, time or place ORDAINED FOR YOU By GOD." (2:222)

In Islamic law, anal intercourse even with the wife is illegitimate. If legally proven, it is punishable according to the discretion of the judge. It stands as legal justification for the wife to apply for divorce if the husband is unwilling to desist.

Over the past two decades the subject of anal sex started to make its: : appearance in scientific medical meetings that I attended, and one couldn't miss the special furyor some medical people went into, in order to prove that it Was completely harmless. Clinical series and over-whelming statistics Were presented which contradicted basic knowlege, and on one occasion the researcher even proved that anal sex Was safer than vaginal sex. The discussions were all within the context of homosexuality , and the proponents were all the time the same who advocated free sex, free abortion and freedom from religious' 'relics and taboos'. Since then, I lost my trusting nature and my faith in the integrity of some researchers and at the beginning this Was an agonizing feeling. As time passed, one became even more disillusioned. Until 1970 homosexuality was considered to be a disease necessitating treatment. But when the American Psychiatric Association declared that it was not a disease, homosexuality became a wave, a cult and a growing power until the dream became shattered with the emergence of AIDS (aquired immune deficiency syndrome) that threatens to be the Scourge of Our century.

An Islamic Perspective on Sexuality

2009-12-18T18:19:00.000-08:00

In Islam, sexuality is considered part of our identity as human beings. In His creation of humankind, God distinguished us from other animals by giving us reason and will such that we can control behavior that, in other species, is governed solely by instinct. So, although sexual relations ultimately can result in the reproduction and survival of the human race, an instinctual concept, our capacity for self-control allows us to regulate this behavior. Also, the mere fact that human beings are the only creatures who engage in sexual relations once they are beyond the physical capacity for reproduction, sets us apart from all other species which engage in sex for the sole purpose of reproduction.

Marriage

For Muslims, based on an understanding of Qur'an and hadith, sexual relations are confined to marriage between a wife and husband. Within this context, the role of a healthy sexual relationship is extremely important. Having and raising children are encouraged among Muslims. Once a child is born, the parents are expected to care for, nurture and prepare the child for adulthood, with a goal of imparting Islam so that the indivdual is equipped with knowledge and willingness to accept and practice Islam and thus become a productive member of society.

Beyond childbearing, sexual relations assume a prominent role in the overall well-being of the marriage. In reading hadith, one is impressed with the Prophet's ability to discuss all issues including those dealing with human sexuality. The topics range from questions about menstruation to orgasm. He apparently was not embarassed by such inquiries, but strove to adequately guide and inform the Muslims who asked. Both Qur'an and hadith allude to the nature of sexual relations as a means of attaining mutual satisfaction, closeness and compassion between a wife and husband. "Permitted to you on the night of the Fasts is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and you are their garments."(2:187) Also, Muslims are advised to avoid sexual intercourse during menses so as not to cause discomfort to the woman (2:222).

The goal of marriage is to create tenderness between two individuals and satisfy the very basic human need for companionship. "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between you; in this are signs for those who think."(30:21) The hadith which address this issue are numerous. The Prophet himself, while not divulging all aspects of his own sexual life, was known for his nature as a loving husband who was sensitive and physically demonstrative. In several hadith, he speaks about the importance of foreplay and speaking in loving terms during sexual relations. Again, the concept of mutual satisfaction is elucidated in a hadith which advises husbands to engage in acts that enable a woman to achieve orgasm first. (see Ihya ulum-id-din (Revival of Religious Learning) by Imam Ghazzali, chapter on Marriage). Sexual dissatisfaction is considered legitimate grounds for divorce on the part of either wife or husband.

Sex Outside of Marriage

Naturally, attraction between individuals is necessary to initiate a relationship that leads to marriage. But sexual relations can obviously take place between any couple, consenting or not. Because of the far-reaching ramifications of sexual relations outside of marriage, Muslims are prohibited by God from such behavior. And because the process that leads to physical attraction and ultimately intimacy is part of human nature, Muslims are advised to behave in a way and avoid circumstances that could potentially result in extra- or pre-marital sex. Modesty in dress and behavior between women and men figures prominently as a means of exhibiting self-control. Similarly, unmarried couples are admonished against spending time alone in isolated places where they would be more likely to act on their feelings and thus be less inhibited.

Some of the negative results of sex outside of marriage include the potential for unwanted pregnancies, transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, disruption of the family and marriage (in cases of adultery), and emotional and psychological difficulties resulting from the lack of commitment associated with most relationships outside of marriage. As in other religions, extra- and pre-marital sex are considered major sins. Muslims believe that God does not simply forbid or allow behavior whimsically, but does so with our best interest at heart, guiding us away from potentially destructive behavior and towards behavior that allows us to achieve our most fulfilling potentials as human beings. For a similar reason, Muslims give up the consumption of alcohol because of faith in God's wisdom that the negative effects outweigh the positive for individuals and society at large. "Whoever submits his whole self to God, and is a doer of good, has grasped indeed the most trustworthy handhold..."{(31:22)

Contraception

Although Muslims are encouraged to have children, contraception is not prohibited. The method used during the time of the Prophet was coitus interruptus (known as 'azl) about which several hadith exist. His basic response when asked if such a practice was lawful was that individuals can do as they will, but if God intends for a child to be born, she/he will be born. Some interpreted this to mean that preventing pregnancy is not recommended because child-bearing is preferred; yet the act is not specifically prohibited. Also, other hadith stipulate that 'azl could not be practiced without the wife's consent as it might interfere with her sexual satisfaction or desire to bear children.

By analogy, the methods that exist today as contraceptives are lawful for Muslims to use at their discretion. Basically, it is our position that any method that does not involve pregnancy termination is permissible. Imam al-Ghazzali (see previous reference) lists a number of legitimate reasons for practicing contraception, including financial difficulty, emotional or psychological hardship of having many children, and even the preservation of beauty and health.

It should be clear from this discussion, that since sexual relations should be confined to marriage, contraception is so limited. It is not considered a means of easing the difficulties associated with sexual relations outside of marriage.

Abortion

Abortion is viewed in the same context as having relevance only regarding pregnancies occurring in marriage, again, not as a response to conception as a result of extra- or pre-marital relationships. Early Muslim jurists considered abortion lawful for a variety of reasons until 40 -120 days after conception (first trimester). This was based on interpretation of Qur'an (22:4 and 23:12-14) and hadith that implied that ensoulment or 'life' did not exist until after that time (see Sex and Society in Islam, B.F. Musallam, Cambridge University Press, 1983). Contemporary thinkers, considering available technology that allows visualization of the embryonic heartbeat at four weeks of gestation, are of the position that life begins much earlier than previously thought, and therefore to terminate would be to take a life illegally.

The majority of Muslims today believe that abortion is allowed only if the mother's life is significantly endangered by the pregnancy. Some also feel that the presence of certain congenital anomalies (particularly those that are lethal) make abortion lawful. Also, some scholars consider abortion appropriate in pregnancies resulting from rape or incest.

Homosexuality

Human beings are capable of many forms of sexual expression, orientation and identification. The existence of such a variety again is not found in any other species and thus further demonstrates our uniqueness among God's creations. The potential for behavior, such as homosexuality, does not mean that its practice is lawful in the eyes of God. Therefore, individuals are expected to control themselves and not act on their desires if such action is contrary to the guidelines of Islam. Homosexuality, like other forms of sexual relations outside of heterosexual marriage, is thus prohibited. In any discussion of prohibited acts follows the question of what happens if they nevertheless occur. The Qur'an and hadith are explicit regarding severe punishment by the State if a person is convicted of such a crime. However, in order for conviction to take place, the individuals must confess or be accused by at least four eyewitnesses of the act of actual intercourse. Obviously, the likelihood of these criteria being met is small which means that most couples who engage in unlawful acts will not be punished by the State. They will then deal with the consequences of their behavior in this life and will be accountable to God on the Day of Judgement. How He ultimately judges is known only by Him.

Sex Education

Clearly, from the above discussion, Islam is explicit about many aspects of human sexuality. Also, based on the numerous hadith showing the Prophet's willingness to discuss these matters openly, it should be obvious that education about matters related to sex is acceptable. Muslims may disagree about the age at which sex education begins; some don't discuss the subject at all. Explaining anatomy and the changes one's body experiences during puberty are essential for enabling young people to grow up with a healthy self-image. Also, in an age where sexual activity in many countries begins at an early age, Muslim adolescents must be informed to better enable them to deal with peer pressure. Sex education can be taught in a way that informs young people about sexuality in scientific and moral terms. In countries with very diverse populations, such as the United States, the main limitation in developing sex education curricula, particularly in public schools, is the inability to select a universally acceptable moral position. Therefore, young people are given facts and information, and advised that if they choose to engage in sexual relationships, they should take measures to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. The moral and religious aspects of sexuality can be incorporated either in schools of a particular religious denomination or in adjunctive coursework offered by religious institutions. Regardless of the challenges of each society, young people must be adequately informed. Also, in some Muslim communities, individuals are encouraged to marry at young ages. They need to be educated regarding sexuality prior to the marriage such that they know what to expect and can consider their options for birth control prior to consummating the marriage.

Female Genital Mutilation

The practice of clitoridectomy preceded the introduction of Islam in Arabia and in different parts of Africa. This results in severe sexual debilitation of women, who cannot possibly achieve sexual fulfillment -- which is their right as Muslims. Therefore, this practice is totally unIslamic because it is in direct violation of both Qur'an and hadith, which clearly stress the importance of sexual satisfaction for both the husband and wife.

September 1995

Islam's Dr. Ruth and her campaign for good sex

2009-10-17T23:11:00.000-07:00

Can this marriage be saved? Yes, says a Dubai counsellor, if husband attends to his wife's needs

Jessica Hume Special to the Star

Published On Sun Aug 09 2009

Wedad Lootah is fighting for women's sexual rights from behind the full niqab.

A marriage counsellor in the family guidance department of Dubai Courts, Lootah sees couples who are considering divorce or want to revive their relationship. She is also the author of the shocking, for the United Arab Emirates, Top Secret: Sexual Guidance for Married Couples, a book published in January.

And much of the advice she dispenses involves teaching husbands that their wives deserve sexual pleasure too.

The idea of anyone, let alone a female, practising sex therapy may seem at odds with the ethos of the U.A.E. – a country in which hand-holding and other displays of public affection can result in prison terms, where premarital sex among Western expats is a deportable offence.

But Lootah is able to get away with talking about this taboo subject because she bases her advice firmly on the teachings of the Qur'an, which is decidedly more forthcoming about sex than the Bible.

And she insists her motivation has much less to do with sexual liberation than with helping married couples avoid divorce.

"My subject is not sex; people always misunderstand that," says the married, 45-year-old mother of three, a marital counsellor for nine years. "I'm trying to guide people about how to satisfy each other and save society from illegal relations – girlfriends, boyfriends.

"We're talking about Islam. We're not talking about sex."

Still, the reality is that she and her clients are talking about sex. During a recent, two-hour interview – in English and with an Arabic translator – in her tiny office, she said the most important piece of advice she can give is, "Don't forget that there are 22 positions to have sex in. Use them all."

Although the Qur'an states explicitly that both husbands and wives deserve sexual gratification in marriage, sex remains an intensely private subject.

Sex education in Emirates high schools consists of little more than a heads-up for girls about menstruation and a reminder that in Islam, sex may only take place in marriage.

And because many couples in the Emirates are loath to discuss sex with their partners, says Lootah, marriages suffer. Meanwhile, infidelity is forbidden in Islam, and divorce is frowned upon.

Sharia law urges couples considering divorce to make every effort to save their marriage. And Lootah, born and raised in Dubai and studied Islamic jurisprudence in college, sees herself as complying with that guideline by getting men and women to talk about their sex lives.

The truth is that if the Qur'an didn't factor so largely into her work, she probably would not have been personally appointed by Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum as the first and only woman family counsellor at the court and in Dubai, nor does it seem likely that Top Secret would have been published.

After all, her book deals with subjects ranging from female orgasm to homosexuality and anal sex.

Lootah condemns the latter two, as they are forbidden in the Qur'an. Indeed, she sees herself as neither provocative nor revolutionary, a self-image bolstered by her wearing of the full niqab, which exposes only her eyes and hands.

THE DIVORCE RATE in the U.A.E. is about 30 per cent. And the process leading up to traditional Muslim marriage makes it particularly vulnerable to breakdown.

Many unions are decided upon by the parents of the prospective bride and groom, who often don't even meet before the wedding.

Once the families agree on the union, it is confirmed legally in a written agreement.

"Then the marriage is legal, but it is without sex," she says. "That's not until the wedding.

"The Prophet Mohammed, peace be upon him, said before you marry, you need to see each other, you need to understand if you like each other.

"I advise people to visit each other before the wedding, spend time together, get to know each other."

Lootah says that it's mainly women who go to see her. "And they're here because the men don't always understand that they have responsibility in the marriage beyond working; they have a responsibility to make sure the wife gets pleasure.

"If he has two or more wives, it has to be equal among them all."

The problem, she continues, is that in a culture where a woman's modesty is among her most prized traits, more conservative women are reluctant to bring up a subject as racy as sex with their husbands, or even with friends.

The ebullient Lootah says her greatest asset at work is her ability to put those on the other side of her desk at ease. She approaches her subject with empathy, a sense of humour and an unfazed candour.

NOT SURPRISINGLY, Lootah's openness about a topic generally considered taboo within Islamic culture has stirred up controversy.

She first encountered threats and opposition in 2004, after an interview on the Al Arabiya TV network.

Death threats and accusations of blasphemy followed the release of her book. The anger came from men in the Gulf, who said her openness about sex was un-Islamic.

Her view is that they feel threatened that a woman in niqab would empower other women to demand better sex from their husbands.

The idea for her book arose after she'd met women whose stories about marital sex shocked her.

"One couple lived together for 35 years, they had children, and in discussions I found that the woman had had no sexual pleasure in all that time," she recalls. "Another woman told me that during the 20 years of her marriage, her husband only ever had anal sex with her except for the times they wanted to have children."

Another woman said her husband had asked for oral sex, and she wasn't sure if that was allowed by the Qur'an. (The Qur'an, explains Lootah, has no problem with it.)

Her book is the only one of its kind to have been published in the U.A.E..

The number of people she sees – and not all are Muslims or Emiratis – has increased over her time as a counsellor, she points out. Now she has five or six appointments a day.

"From 2001 to 2004 it was almost always on the phone; couples were ashamed to talk, or they would talk but they wouldn't reveal everything. Since 2004, when I went on Al Arabiya and started giving lectures, and then the book, now people know there is someone who will listen. Even the most religious couples tell me everything now."

THERE MAY BE increased openness to talking about sex in other Arab countries too. Heba Kotb, 49, is an Egyptian sex therapist whose decidedly frank sex show is broadcast weekly across the Arab world. Like Lootah, Kotb bases her advice on the Qur'an. And like Lootah, her work has stirred up some vociferous opposition.

One point of pride for Lootah is the fact that among the six family therapists working at the Dubai Court, she is the one whose appointment book fills up quickest. She has the highest success rate, she contends.

And some of her best moments are when the people she has counselled come back to thank her, crediting Lootah for saving a marriage.

Lootah herself has been married 21 years. Her bond with her husband is strong, she says, and he is "very supportive, very proud" of her.

Other than a lack of communication and variety, Lootah says a not making an effort to stay desirable can hurt a marriage.

"My advice for married women is to buy lots of dresses. Look beautiful. Be clean. Use the perfume.

"I give the same advice to men. Be like what you want your wife to be like. Brush your teeth."

– The National, Dubai

Love, Sex and the Position of Women in Bangladesh

2009-10-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

Friday, 25 September 2009 12:09 William Gomes

As Bangladesh goes increasingly religious, sex-crime against women and children bursts. Why is it so, and what we need to do to create a world for women to live a dignified life...

Sex and love are forces that, every day, lead to new problems and new possibilities around the world. In male-dominated societies, like Bangladesh, women can often be treated as sexual objects. Women experience sexual harassment, abduction, rape, and even murder. The natural desire for sex and love has brought women unknown misery. The fact is, when a woman gets raped, it is not the woman who has sex, but the man who was the active person having sex; yet, in societies like Bangladesh, all the shame goes to the woman. The woman is the one, who is oppressed by sexual violence, may experience depression afterward, and have to bear all the shame; but the man remains unaffected.

The Sikh holy book Guru Granth Sahib says, "Sexual desire and anger are diffused throughout the universe. Coming and going, people suffer in pain."

Religions strictly limit people’s freedom in sex and sexuality, especially in the Indian Subcontinent. The major world-religions have a highly conservative stance on sex and love. The Bible starts with a simplistic idea of humankind’s beginning: how Adam, the first man, felt lonely; how Eve, the first women, was created from Adam’s rib as his consort; and how Adam felt satisfied as he saw his mate. This is how Abrahamic religions make women property of men, materialize the woman for man’s pleasure: the woman must make the man happy, and act as a tool for procreation to populate the world. Similarly, most other religions have, more or less, a degrading view of woman.

In Bangladesh, sex-related crimes against women and children are increasing. Crimes result from mentality of the criminal. People normally argue that people, who commit such crimes, are smaller in number than those, who oppose it.

But, then, the question is: Why does this majority, who overwhelmingly outnumber the criminals, fail to bring an end to crimes against women and children?

Why is it that we come across unsavory news-headlines like---"A juvenile girl raped by an imam in rural Bangladesh?" or, "Bangladesh: Newly married minority woman raped and killed by Muslim thugs"---on a daily basis?

Some people argue that a criminal’s mentality can be improved through the practice of religion, but, historically, and even at our present time, religions have failed to make people less criminal, including their propensity toward sexual violence.

In Bangladesh, the conservative religion of Islam dominates lives of the majority. As the country becomes increasingly religious, it runs into increasingly chaos, with bursts in sexual crimes. And the reason could lie in the fact that Islam views women as men’s property and object for their sexual pleasure. A hadith says (Tialissi):

The right of the husband is that when he calls his wife to have sex, she should not deny him herself.

The root of the problem of bursts in sexual crime in Bangladesh lies in the society’s mentality. It is not only the mentality of men that must change, but also the society’s understanding of woman that needs to become more positive, especially in regard to their role in sex and love. Many special laws have been introduced and many criminals were sentenced to death, but, in the end, there has been a failure in deterring sexual crimes against women.

We need to dig out the rotten root of religions that inspire men to be inhumane towards women. We need a global campaign to create a free and fearless world for women, where women will be equal and dignified partner of men. Only then will come the day, when women we will be able live in peace, love and dignity alongside men, not as being degraded and violated by their opposite number.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Religion is to do right. It is to love, it is to serve, it is to think, and it is to be humble."

We need foster a religion that inspires us to think of men and women, first and foremost, as human equal and dignified beings, before our sexual differentiation.

William Gomes is a human rights worker, film director and freelance journalist in Bangladesh. He can be reached by email at cda.exe@gmail.com .

“Muslims Talking Sex” Series: The Joy of Muslim Sex by Ruwayda Z.

2009-10-17T22:54:00.000-07:00

GOATMILK continues its original and exclusive month long series entitled “Muslims Talking Sex” featuring diverse Muslim writers from around the world discussing a gamut of topics in their own unique, honest and eclectic voices.

The Joy of Muslim Sex

Why? Because we’re tired of reading about tilths and whatnot. The language Muslims use to talk about sex needs updating – even if we already know what the score is in private. This is a working document and relevant suggestions grounded in orthodoxy will be included.

GETTING KINKY

- Sexual love is explicitly referred to as part of God’s grace and as a sign of God in itself (Qur’an 30:21). It’s a form of worship to fuck.

- Sex is not merely for procreation, but specifically also for pleasure (unlike many non-Muslim schools of thought, which note specific timings and restrictions upon sex.

- There are only two things off-limits between consenting adults: anal sex (unless one subscribes to select Shi’a schools of thought[1]) and sex whilst menstruating (for safety reasons). And this is rooted in completely logical, hygienic foundations. Everything else goes; this would mean that BDSM, role-play, sex outdoors and all other varieties of kinky sex, for instance, are not off-limits[2].

- Foreplay is obligatory. This is widely known and de rigueur. There are reams of works devoted to the fact that men cannot approach women with solely their own needs in mind i.e. (the Kama Sutra has nothing on Ghazzali).[3] The Qu’ran commands men to put the sexual needs of the woman first[4] .

- The best of you (men) is the best of you who treats his wives – canonical thought. I interpret this as those men who are best able to go down on and give pleasure to their wives. We know this is doable because of hadith suggesting the use of musk after cycles, indicating that oral sex was always on the menu.[5]

- Sex in any position is acceptable – missionaries are not where the buck stops. The best positions for achieving the maximum amount of pleasure are preferred.

- Any time is acceptable. I don’t think this means whilst the Adhan is going off however.

- If a man fails to live up to his conjugal rights, this is grounds enough for divorce. Yes, you read that right – if he’s awful in the sack, let’s get it on with the Talaq.

CULTURAL STIGMAS, ACTUAL REWARDS

- There is no Original Sin in Islam. Eve (Hawa) never sexually tempted Adam and is therefore not responsible for the downfall of Man. There is thus no sense of repression or of guilt attached to sexual acts, which are instead viewed as beautiful and pleasurable.

- Shyness: asking frank questions about religion is essential. This is explicitly the case with sex education which is an essential part of growth. Bees and Birds and staid euphemisms which adults use to refer to around children are somewhat irrelevant yet still culturally endemic. But in reality, taboos are strongly discouraged leading to sin and repression in and of themselves because of the rise of STDs, unwanted pregnancies etc[6].

- Moreover, you actually get blessings for legal sex ergo- again, no shameful connotations attached (no, we don’t need to have sex through a sheet, nor are we inspected or have to endure Mikvah’s upon completion of cycles). Why? To counterbalance the fact that illicit sex (i.e. adulterous) accrue negative vibes[7]

- Anglo-Saxon concepts of males/females/ wives/husbands do not have echoes in the bedroom – all such terms having traditionally derogatory etymologies which do not correspond with gender neutral terms in Islam

- There’s no stigma to divorce. By that I mean the traditional Western connotations of divorcees as having been tainted, barren or problematic do not apply to Muslims. We are still whole, we have just been through a rough time essentially.

- Hermits (celibates etc) are discouraged from the laity upwards on the grounds that it unnaturally represses human instincts

MAKING IT LEGAL: THE ‘AWESOME COVENANT’ [8]

- A Union is defined as Consenting adults in a contractual agreement between two partners – different from culturally prevalent ideas of marriage in that it can be performed by anyone, with very few addendums including a dowry and witnesses. This is not an endorsement of Mut’ah or Orfi (short-termism), this is to say lets go public about dating and treat long term relationships like marriage – the same way its done in the west with common law marriages. When we start dating seriously, we don’t intend to end it early, do we?

- We do not have archaic notions of contraception, and are thus not theoretically constrained by outdated birth control or STD prevention ideas. This means we regard Rhythm methods as really bizarre etc

- Cougars are perfectly acceptable if not de rigueur in traditional thought

- There should be at least three months grace period between having sex with another (contractually obligated) partner – to avoid heartache, allow time for possible reconciliation or indeed, possible pregnancies. Interestingly it takes three months for an AIDS test nowadays… go figure

- A man and woman (except family members) are not to be alone in the same room unless publicly having consented to be together.

- Chasteness (not to be confused with virginity, which is completely irrelevant considering many people get abused in the Muslim world) is important -serial monogamy is fine where promiscuity is frowned upon.

Notes

I must admit, the idea of Muslim marriage as stipulated in Orthodox terms is extraordinarily different (i.e. more flexible/profound) to the desi/ayrab kitsched out normative cultural versions of its practice. A cursory glimpse at the dire marital questionnaires people are encouraged to fill out speak to extraordinarily limited understandings of what goes into marriage as well as a limited grasp of the philosophy behind these questions and why they need to be asked.

What is a union after all? There are orthodox schools of thought which note that common law marriages are actually marriages (i.e. where the couple live together, have children but have had no ceremony in the traditional understanding of the sense). At the orthodox heart of the Muslim Union lies several elements which center on the social contract between the couple and society. How it’s made public is through the mechanism of a number of witnesses; an imam need not be there, yet any person who officiates should. A formal understanding of the dowry is all that’s required. And in our family, dowries are usually promises, gifts of qur’an or significant tokens.

Instead, Muslims have adopted Anglo-Saxon words such as husband or wife – terms with sexist etymologies to eschew the more dire/politically correct ‘partner’ terms – as the language simply is inadequate. In fact, the lexicon, the philosophy and the meanings behind all that we take as symbolic for marriage have begun to dissipate – what we’re left with are gaudy ceremonies resembling cattle markets awash with glitter, tinsel, tacky food traditions, bizarrely subordinate women having sweat-meats stuffed in mouths, parents agog at giving children away, mahr agreements reduced to gold-digging glee. It’s a mockery of the concept which ought to have been rooted in spiritual underpinnings from the off. And nowhere to be found is the most important criteria for choosing an equal – a sense of god consciousness or Taqwa. Instead, from the get-go the relationship is relegated to appeasing status, in-laws, material wealth in the form of ballrooms and numbers of guests. I fish for content in such notions and struggle to find love or simplicity. It’s the social contract distorted out of relevance and poignancy.

No wonder so many marriages now have lost what it is which makes them tick. I don’t get a sense of the divine in attending them these days at all. Then there’s the idea that it is somehow the complete opposite of dating in itself – but do we even know what to date means? Orthodox Muslim Unions are more logical and adaptable to reality than we’d think. Added to this the theoretical ease with which sex fully takes on the meanings it should, unions can once again become incredible.

[1] The Grand Ayatollah has decreed that anal intercourse is “not permissible without the wife’s consent” – indicating that if she consents, it’s all good.

[2] Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) had talked about ‘al-bikr wa liaabiha’ [the virgin and her saliva], which means they understood the importance of French kissing long before the French did.

[3] Surah Al Baqarah = a verse talking about the woman’s rising pleasure. It’s an order to the man to give the woman the right to have pleasure — it orders the man to give the woman foreplay and also to get the wife to have sex repeatedly and to not wait for the woman to ask because sometimes she’s too shy to ask

[4] “Verse 223 of Al-Baqara also mentions foreplay,” Qutb says, quoting: “‘Your wives are a tilth for you, so go into your tilth when you like, and do good beforehand for yourselves, and be careful [of your duty] to Allah, and know that you will meet Him, and give good news to the believers.’ “It says ‘wa qaddimo li anfosikom’ [and do good beforehand for yourselves]. The letter waw [and] means that the act and what happens before it have to go together. But then wait, it also says for yourselves, and science has proven that foreplay has a positive impact on the man, too. The excitation causes the pineal gland to secrete nitric oxide (NO3), a very precious and essential chemical that the brain secretes frugally but that helps channel the blood flow to the genitals, causing erection and arousal in both males and females,” she says.

[5] ‘A’isha reported: A woman asked the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) how he should wash herself after the menstrual period. He (the Holy Prophet) said: Take a cotton with musk and purity yourself, and the rest of the hadith was narrated like that of Sufyan.

[6] A’ishah, the wife of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, made this clear: “Blessed are the women of the Ansar (the citizens of Madinah). Shyness did not stand in their way seeking knowledge about their religion.”

[7] Hadith: The Prophet once remarked that a man is to be rewarded for sex with his wife, and when some of his surprised listeners wondered how could a person be rewarded for satisfying his own desire, the Noble Prophet said, ‘ Do you not see that if he were to satisfy it in a prohibited manner he would be committing a sin? So if he satisfies it in a lawful manner he will be recompensed’

[8] ‘…an awesome covenant’ An-Nisaa:21

SEX-RELATED ILLNESSES, HEALTH HAZARDS AND GENERAL ISSUES

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To indulge in any unnatural form of sexual gratification and to prevent the natural flow of semen results in veneral diseases and other related disorders.

Excessive sex, “filthy” literature, pornographic material, “dirty” thoughts, fantasizing, etc. Cause a flow of Mazee (liquish matter preceding semen) to occur. This results in the semen becoming thin, which in turn causes premature ejaculation- a vicious chain-reaction of sexual problems!

Moderate (or bare minimum) sexual indulgence is the key to good health and a happy life.
Sour foods in abundance causes premature ejaculation
Sex during fever causes the fever to become excessive and could result in delirium.

Immediately after sexual activity, partaking place where the sudden appearance of any strange person is very likely, is undesirable and causes weakness to the body and nerves. Besides the harm, no pleasure is derived from such sexual indulgence.
Sex on a full-stomach results in premature ejaculation. Besides this, weakness of stomach, indigestion, swelling of the liver and stomach are some of the resultant problems of the above-mentioned act.

Curbing the urge to urinate and indulging in sex in this condition cause infection and harm to the kidneys, bladder and urinary tract. Similarly to suppress the urge to defaecate and indulge in sex cause piles and other rectal problems. These should be avoided at all costs.

To indulge in sex when the eye is sore results in the swelling and whitening of the eye.

Even when the woman’s eye is sore, sex should be avoided. Hazrat Umma-Salma (Radiyallahu-Anhum reports that if any of the Holy wives’ eyes were sore, Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) would not indulge in intimacy with them until they were cured. JAMI-E-KABEER.

N.B. From this Hadith it is learnt that if the woman is ill or in pain and agony, sexual intercourse should be avoided. Besides further deterioration of her health, it may strain relationships between husband and wife and no pleasure or satisfaction will be derived from such intimacy.

If the woman makes istinja with cold water before sexual intercourse, she will be aroused and climax quicker than normal. On the other hand, the man will slow down and slacken if he makes istinja with cold water. He should thus avoid doing so immediately before sexual relations.

Appendix D - Introduction to Islam by Dr. M. Hamidullah

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Appendix D

An excerpt from "Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah

108. Speaking of a strictly temporal act, such as a tax or a war, one pays taxes to the government. It should not be astonishing that Islam considers this act as one of the five basic elements of Faith, as important as belief, worship, fasting and pilgrimage! The significance is deep: One unites the spiritual and the temporal in a single whole, and one pays the tax not as a corvee or even as a social duty, but solely for the sake of God. When this duty of paying taxes becomes fixed in the mind as something sacred, a duty unto God from Whom nothing can be concealed and Who is, moreover, capable of resuscitating us and demanding our account, one can easily understand with what care and scruple a believer will pay his dues in the performance of this obligation. Similarly, ware is forbidden in Islam except in the way of God; and it is not difficult to understand that such a soldier is more apt to be humane and will not seek any earthly gain in the course of risking his life. By spiritualizing the temporal duties, Islam has had no other motives but strengthening the spiritual side of man, who in, this manner, far from seeking the material advantage of the material thing, aspires thereby to obtain only the pleasure of God. The Prophet has said: Ostentation is a sort of polytheism (shirk); and the reason as explained by Al-Ghazzali, is the following: if somebody worships or fasts for ostentation, it is shirk (polytheism), a worship of one's self, not of God Almighty; on the contrary, if one even cohabits with one's own wife - not for the carnal pleasure, but for performing the duty imposed by God, then that is an act of piety and devotion, meriting the pleasure of and reward from God, as the Prophet has observed (cf. Ibn Hanbal, V, 154, 167, 187, etc.)

Endnotes

1. p.b.u.h. is the short form for "peace be upon him" which is an expression used by Muslims to indicate reverence towards the holy Prophet Muhammad.

2. The tomb of the Prophet Zakariya alaihi-salam (may Allah be pleased with him), is located in the great Omayyad Mosque in Aleppo which is a city in northern Syria.

3. From "The Sayings of Muhammad" by Allama Sir Abdullah Al-Mamun Al-Suhrawardy, pg 41. Charles E. Tuttle Company, Boston 1992.

4. Ibid, pg. 42

5. 'The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam' (Chapter Adab-an-Nikah) from Book 12 of Ihya'ulum ad-din by Imam al-Ghazzali. This is an English translation from the original Arabic by Muhtar Holland and published byAl-Baz Publishing Inc.

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Appendix C - Adab an Nikah

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Appendix C

This is a grammatically edited excerpt from the chapter 'Adab an-Nikah' from Imam Ghazzali's 'Ihya Ulum-id-din' translated by Fazlul-Karim. Also blended with this translation is an excerpt from 'The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam' and this is a translation of the same chapter by Muhtar Holland.

Benefits of marriage

There are five benefits: (1) to beget children, (2) to control sexual urges, (3) to obtain peace of mind, (4) to increase divine service, and (5) to gain rewards for duties to family. [Item (4) and (5) are not dealt with in this Appendix.]

(1) To beget children. This is the main purpose for marriage. The aim is to engender and preserve the human race. Four objectives are accomplished through procreation: - (i) to increase mankind (ii) Islam is propagated by increasing the number of followers of the Prophet, p.b.u.h. (iii) parents will hope to leave behind children who will pray for them (iv) and if a child dies before the parents, the prayers of the child in Paradise will be very beneficial for the parents.

The first objective is very subtle and not easily comprehended by man. It is a natural truth and the following is its proof. Take for example a landowner who has generously given a servant a large amount of seed and the tools for cultivation, and who has also given this servant land for cultivation. Now if the servant refuses to till this land and instead allows it to remain uncultivated, useless and dormant, and furthermore, if he also carelessly destroys the seeds, it is clear then that this servant will become an object of wrath by the landowner. Similarly God has created man and woman with the wherewithal to produce and raise children. The uterus is the fertile field and both the male and female organs are the tools for cultivation. He also created sexual passion in both the male and female for the bearing of children through the use of these organs. This is proof of God's design. The Prophet has clearly substantiated this when he said "Marry and keep a family". He who does not marry, destroys these seeds and allows these tools to lie useless and dormant and he thereby goes against God's wishes. Infanticide has also been prohibited by God for this reason.

From Muhtar Holland's Translation: [Pages 17 & 18 ]

If the sole motive for marriage were to ward off lust, the plague-stricken Mu'adh would hardly have cried: "Find me a wife, lest I meet Allah as a celibate!" You might perhaps object: "Surely Mu'adh had no expectation of children at that moment, so how do you explain his desire for marriage?" but to this I would reply as follows: The child is produced by sexual intercourse. Intercourse is brought about by the prompting of sexual appetite, which is an involuntary impulse. The only voluntary contribution a man can make is to procure the stimulus to sexual desire, and this can normally be anticipated. One who has contracted a marriage has therefore performed his duty and done what he had to do; the rest is beyond his own volition.

That is why marriage is recommended even for the impotent, for the stirring of desire is hidden and not susceptible to observation. Indeed, the recommendation to marry extends even to the totally castrated person who can never expect children, in much the same way as a bald man is recommended to pass the razor across his pate as others do (on Pilgrimage), following the example of the righteous ancestors. In the same vein, the practices known as ramal and idtiba are still recommended during the Pilgrimage. The original purpose of these was to demonstrate stamina in the face of the unbelievers, the imitation of this display of fortitude became the model conduct for later generations.

Such are the considerations in forming their severe disapproval of abstinence from marriage, even in cases were sexual appetite is enfeebled. [end of Muhtar Holland's translation]

(2) The second benefit of marriage

The second benefit of marriage is to be safe from the machinations of the devil and to satisfy lust and hence protect the private parts. The Prophet said: "If a man marries, half of his religion is saved. Fear God for the remaining half." The Prophet said: "Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, for fasting diminishes his sexual power." The pleasure which lies within sexual intercourse is an example of happiness in the afterlife. There is no benefit derived from a thing in which there is no pleasure.

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(3) The third benefit of marriage

Marriage brings peace of mind as love grows between the couple. Peace of mind is necessary for divine service. God says: "It is He Who has created you from a single person, and He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her." Hazrat Ali said: "Give peace to the mind because it becomes blind when it becomes disturbed." There is a Hadith which says that there are three special times for a wise man: - he speaks secretly with his Lord at one time, he takes account of his actions at another time, and he occupies himself with food and drink at another time. In another narration, a wise man is not desirous except in three matters: to earn his livelihood for the next world, to earn his livelihood for this world, and to taste the pleasure of lawful things. The Prophet said: "There is effort in every action and there is struggle in every effort. He who adopts struggle goes towards my Sunnah and guidance. The Prophet said: Upon complaint to Gabriel about the lessening of my sexual passion, he advised me to take Harisah. The Prophet said: Three things are dear to me among earthly matters - perfume, woman and prayer, the latter is coolness to my eyes. This comfort is necessary for peace of mind.

From Muhtar Holland's translation: [Pages 20-22 . . . Conclusion]

He who obeys his master out of the desire to please Him is not the same as one who obeys merely in quest of deliverance from the perils of this agency.

Passion and procreation are both divinely ordained, and there is a link between the two. It would be wrong to say that the purpose is pleasure and the child is a necessary by-product (as, for instance, relieving oneself is a necessary consequence of eating, but not an end in itself.) No, the begetting of children is the aim of nature and the divine Wisdom, while sexual appetite is merely an incentive thereto.

By my life, there is in sexual appetite yet another dispensation, apart from the impetus to procreate, namely the joy experienced in satisfying it. If only that delight were lasting, it would be unparalleled by any other joy. It gives a foretaste of the delights we are promised in Paradise, for the prospect of a bliss we had never tasted would fail to impress. The prospect of sexual intercourse would hardly stimulate the impotent, nor would the pleasures of kingship and dominion serve to excite the interest of the very young. One advantage of worldly pleasures is that the hope of enjoying them permanently in Paradise can act as a spur to the worship of Allah.

Consider this Wisdom, this Mercy, this divine Providence! See how two lives derive benefit through this one appetite: an outer life and an inner life. The outer life is the life a man leads through the continuance of his line, which constitutes a kind of survival, while the inner life is the Otherworldly life. The bliss [of sexual satisfaction], deficient because it is so ephemeral, thus stimulates a desire for perfect bliss, for bliss everlasting, and serves as an incentive to the worship which lead to its attainment. Desiring this so ardently, the creature finds it easier to persevere in the course that will bring him to such felicity in Paradise.

Relaxation and recreation for the soul [pg. 27 Muhtar Holland's Translation]

This [third benefit of marriage] is obtained by enjoying the company and sight of one's wife, and by shared amusement, whereby the heart is refreshed and strengthened in worship; for the lower self (nafs) is prone to boredom and inclined to shun duty as something unnatural to it. If constrained to persevere in something repugnant, it jibes and backs away, whereas if revived occasionally by pleasures it acquires new strength and vigor. In familiarity with women, one finds the relaxation to banish cares and to refresh the heart.

The souls of the pious need legitimate recreation, which is why the Exalted One said:

"That he may rest with her." [Qur'an 7:189]

[end of Muhtar Holland's translation]

Sexual etiquette in marriage

At the beginning of sexual intercourse, pronounce the name of God by reciting "Bismillah" and recite the Takbir and Tahlil after Chapter Ikhlas and say 'O God, if Thou takest out semen from my back, make it a good issue.' The Prophet said: 'In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. the coming offspring) from Satan, and if it is destined that they should have a child then, Satan will never be able to harm that offspring." The result is that the devil will not be able to injure a child that is born from this intercourse.

Don't face the Ka'bah at the time of intercourse and cover your body and the body of your wife. The Prophet used to cover his head, close his mouth and say to his wife, 'Take peace.' There is a Hadith which says: When anyone of you comes to his wife, let him not fall suddenly upon her, but let him speak words of love to her and then kiss each other. The Prophet said: Let none of you fall suddenly upon his wife like a lower animal. Let him send the Envoy before cohabitation. Someone asked 'What is the Envoy O Prophet?' He said, 'kisses and words of love.' The Prophet said: In three matters, the weakness of a male is disclosed. Firstly if a lover meets his beloved, and then they separate without enquiring into their mutual condition and health; secondly, rejecting the honour which someone wishes to pay him [i.e., by rejecting a gift which was offered]; thirdly to engage in sexual intercourse with the wife or the female who is legally permitted, without talking to her or kissing her or by being unable to restrain the ejaculation of semen before that of his wife.

It is not commendable to cohabit with the wife on the first, middle and last days of the lunar month. It is commendable to cohabit on a Friday evening. After ejaculation, the husband should let his body lay some time upon his wife until she climaxes, as she is slower to climax. It is painful for her to be separated from her husband once her sexual passion has been aroused.

A young husband should enjoy sexual intercourse with his wife once every four days. To preserve the character of the wife, this may be increased or decreased. Sexual intercourse with the wife at the time of her menstruation is unlawful. However, it is lawful to enjoy her without sexual intercourse e.g. enjoy the region beneath the petticoat, or if there be such a need, even use the wife's hand for his ejaculation and stop short of actual copulation [in Arabic terminology, this is known as jima' bil yad, which means 'intercourse by hand.'] God says: "Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when and how you will." A man may keep company with his wife during her menstrual period for eating, resting/sleeping [without copulation] or other purposes. He is not obliged to avoid her.

Appendix C - Adab an-Nikah

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Appendix C

Benefits of marriage

From Muhtar Holland's Translation: [Pages 17 & 18 ]

Such are the considerations in forming their severe disapproval of abstinence from marriage, even in cases were sexual appetite is enfeebled. [end of Muhtar Holland's translation]

(2) The second benefit of marriage

(3) The third benefit of marriage

From Muhtar Holland's translation: [Pages 20-22 . . . Conclusion]

He who obeys his master out of the desire to please Him is not the same as one who obeys merely in quest of deliverance from the perils of this agency.

Relaxation and recreation for the soul [pg. 27 Muhtar Holland's Translation]

The souls of the pious need legitimate recreation, which is why the Exalted One said:

"That he may rest with her." [Qur'an 7:189]

[end of Muhtar Holland's translation]

Sexual etiquette in marriage

Appendix B - Introduction to Islam - Dr. M. Hamidullah

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Appendix B

Excerpt from: "Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah

402. It is true that Islam permits polygamy, but on this point Muslim law is more elastic and more in harmony with the requirements of society than the other systems of law which do not permit polygamy in any case. Supposing there is a case in which a woman has young children, and falls chronically ill, becoming incapable of doing the household work. The husband has no means of employing a maid-servant for the purpose, not to speak of the natural requirements of conjugal life. Supposing also that the sick woman gives her consent to her husband to take a second wife, and that a woman is found who agrees to marry the individual in question. Western law would rather permit immorality than a legal marriage to bring happiness to this afflicted home.

403. In fact, Muslim law is nearer to reason. For, it admits polygamy when a woman herself consents to such a kind of life. The law does not impose polygamy, but only permits it in certain cases. We have just remarked that it depends solely on the agreement of the woman. This is true of the first wife as well as the second one in prospect. It goes without saying that the second woman may refuse to marry a man who has already one wife; we have seen that no one can force a woman to enter into a marriage tie without her own consent. If the woman agrees to be a "co-wife" it is not the law which should be considered as cruel and unjust with regard to women and as favouring only men. As to the first wife, the act of polygamy depends on her. For, at the time of her marriage, she may demand the acceptance and insertion, in the document of the nuptial contract, or the clause that her husband would practise monogamy. Such a condition is as valid as any other condition of a legal contract. If a woman does not want to utilize this right of hers, it is not legislation which would oblige her to do that. We have just spoken of exceptional cases; and the law must have possible remedies. Polygamy is not the rule, but an exception; and this exception has multifarious advantages, social as well as other - the details would be burdensome here - and Islamic law need not be shy of this elasticity.

404. In the religious law of antiquity, there is no restriction to the number of wives a man may have. All the Biblical prophets were polygamous. Even in Christianity which has become synonymous with monogamy, Jesus Christ himself never uttered a word against polygamy; on the other hand, there are eminent Christian theologians, like Luther, Malanchthon, Bucer, etc., who would not hesitate to deduce the legality of polygamy from the parable of the virgins spoken of in the Gospel of Matthew (25:1-12) for Jesus Christ envisages there the possibility of the marriage of one man with as many as ten girls simultaneously. If the Christians do not want to profit by the permissions (which the founder of their religion seems to have given them), the law is not changed for all that. This is true of the Muslims also, whose law is moreover the only one in history which expressly limits the maximum permissible number of polygamous wives. (For Christian theory and practice, as well as for general discussion, cf. also Encyclopedia Britannica, under the articles, Marriage, and Polygamy; Westermarck, History of Human Marriage, 3 Vols.)

***

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In a delightful report about how Imam Abu Hanifah received his name (his original name was Numan bin Thaabit bin Zuta bin Mah), an account of why the wife is forbidden to take more than one husband is recounted. 'Abu Hanifah' is an unusual name because it means 'the father of Hanifah', and Hanifah was his daughter. It was not the custom in those days to do this. Normally, the name would be 'the father of the name of a son.' How this came about is quite edifying. One day the great Imam Abu Hanifah was asked a question that, for the first time in his illustrious career, he was unable to answer. The question was, "Why were women forbidden to marry more than one husband at a time?" To make a long story short, Abu Hanifah's daughter said that she knew the answer and would solve this question if her father would make a promise to her that if she succeeded in solving this problem, he would then assure her a place in history. Abu Hanifah agreed. So she gathered a group of women together and gave each of them a cup. Then she brought in a large bowl of milk and asked each of them to dip their cups in the milk and to fill their cups. They did so. She then asked them to pour back the milk into the bowl. They did this too. She then asked them to re-fill their cups taking back only their own milk that they had poured into the bowl. This, obviously, was impossible to do. Hanifah had clearly demonstrated the kind of predicament that would be created if a woman had several husbands. With more than one husband, if she were to become pregnant, she would have exceptional difficulties determining who the actual father was. Identifying parentage and lineage would then be insurmountable for the offspring. Imam Abu Hanifah was so pleased with her answer that he took the name 'Abu Hanifah', 'the father of Hanifah', so his daughter did indeed earn a place in history.

Marriages of the Holy Prophet - Appendix A

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Appendix A

From "Life of Muhammad" by A.H. Hamid Siddiqui. Hilal Publications, Calcutta 1981. Pages 243-247.

Marriages of the Holy Prophet

"He was hardly twenty-five years of age when he married Khadijah, who was fifteen years older than himself. It was with her and her alone that he passed all the years of his youth and manhood until she died three years before Hijra, when he was already a man of fifty. After the sad demise of Khadijah, he again went in for a widow, this time a helpless one in great distress. She was one of the earliest converts to Islam who had suffered many hardships for the cause of Truth.

The Holy Prophet married A'ishah, the daughter of his devoted friend Abu Bakr. She was the only virgin wife of Muhammad (peace be upon him).

Events took a very serious turn in Medina. The enmity of the Quraysh resulted in armed battles in which so many of the noble Muslims fell as martyrs. It was, therefore, the bounden duty of the Holy Prophet and his companions to alleviate the sufferings of the widows and the orphans who had been deprived of their husbands and fathers. Muhammad (peace be upon him) undertook the major burden on himself and married Hafsa, daughter of 'Umar, whose husband had died in the battle of Badr. It was on this ground of clemency and compassion that the Holy Prophet married Zaynab, the daughter of Khuzaimah, who had been deprived of her husband in Uhud. Her parents were non-Muslims living in Mecca and after the martyrdom of her husband, there was none to take care of her. The next lady to enter the hospitable household of the Holy Prophet was Umm Salamah whose husband had received fatal injuries in the battle of Uhud and died leaving behind a pregnant widow and a daughter. The Prophet was moved by her pitiable condition and honoured her by taking her as his wife. The events relating to the marriage of Zaynab bint Jahsh have been discussed in great detail in the foregoing pages and it has been established that this marriage was governed by some important social considerations, i.e. to obliterate the customs of adoptive affinity and also to remove the false notion then prevalent in society that the divorce of a noble lady by a freed slave undermined her prestige.

Besides these widows of his faithful followers, whom it fell to his lot to take under his protection and share their sufferings and sorrows, the Holy Prophet also took three widows of his enemies in marriage. The entry of these three ladies, Juwayriyah, Maymuna and Safiyyah (may Allah be pleased with them) in the house of the Holy Prophet, became the means whereby relations with various tribes were cemented and this is how hostilities came to an end.

It is quite evident that the marriages of the Holy Prophet were governed mainly by the feeling of compassion for the widows of his faithful followers, who had no means to fall back upon after they were bereft of the love and care of their husbands. This fact has been acknowledged even by the critics of the Prophet. "It would be remembered, however," says Bosworth Smith, "that most of Muhammad's marriages may be explained, at least, as much by his pity for the forlorn condition of the persons concerned, as by other motives."

Other marriages were contacted from the motives of policy, in order to conciliate the heads of rival factions.

Then there was also one more consideration, in no way less important than those discussed earlier, which led to these marriages. Muhammad (peace be upon him) was the bearer of God's message not only for men, but also for women. The womenfolk needed the prophetic guidance, training and instruction in the same way as the males. The Holy Prophet was fully cognizant of the need of Muslim society. He had, therefore, in the best interest of the Ummah, endeavored to create a new leadership amongst women, which, like its counterpart amongst men could, by precept and example, help the formation of a new type of womanhood representing the teachings of Islam. How could this objective be achieved without first preparing the most perfect specimen of Muslim womanhood. The Holy Prophet allowed some women, belonging to different social groups, having different tastes and tendencies and different intellectual standards to enter his household as his wives and then by his close personal contact, nurture and train their God-given faculties so perfectly in accordance with the teachings of Islam that they could serve as pillars of light not only for the womenfolk of the Islamic commonwealth, but for the whole of womankind. One or two woman could not undertake this heavy responsibility. A whole group was required to meet this need.

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Moreover, there is a good deal of difference in the nature of training essential for male and female. Man's life is dominated by social activities, whereas the natural sphere of woman's work is primarily her home. It is the wife alone who shares with the husband even the most secret affairs of life. The Holy Prophet could not prepare the specimen of Islamic womanhood unless he allowed some ladies to enter the innermost chambers of his domestic life. In view of the teachings of Islam, with regard to seclusion of sexes, only the noble wives of the Holy Prophet could be accommodated on this plane and mankind owes a deep debt of gratitude to these noble ladies that they communicated to us most faithfully, the sacred account of the Prophet's private life, which, like his public career, had so many facets and has been made a model pattern for the believers, both men and women. The injunction of the Qur'an: 'Verily in the Apostle of Allah, you have the best example' (33:2) covers not only one aspect of his sacred life, but his whole life . It was with a view to achieving this objective, i.e., the authentic transmission of the Prophet's home life to the people that a few noble ladies were made to enter his house as his wives.

The Qur'anic verse: 'It is not allowed to take wives after this, nor to change them for others (33:52) implies that the Holy Prophet, like all his other acts, contacted those marriages perfectly in accordance with the will of the Lord. There was a divine purpose behind them and when it was achieved, a restriction was place upon him.

That the Prophet married these ladies as a religious necessity can well be judged from the fact that he spent his youth in the company of one wife, Khadijah only. At the age of forty he was commissioned as a Prophet, and during the first twelve years of his prophethood, when he had only to instil in the minds of the people the fundamentals of faith, i.e., Oneness of God, apostlehood of Muhammad, life after death, he did not feel the necessity of marrying any other lady. After the death of Khadijah, he married Sawda, a widow of advanced age. But with the migration to Medina when Islamic society was established, the Muslims were required to conform their social and personal behaviour to the teachings of Islam, revelations for practical guidance in all walks of life came from Allah. These had to be explained by the life example of the holy Prophet. There was not one problem, but numerous problems concerning all phases of life that needed solving at every step. How the holy Prophet solved them must be made known to the people as it is also an integral part of the faith for 'he does not speak of his own desire' (Qur'an 53:3) It is God who speaks through him in whatever he utters by way of spiritual guidance or practical legislation. Now, whatever the Holy Prophet said or did in public could easily be conveyed to the other people for their guidance. But what about his private life which was equally important and divinely inspired and had to serve as an example for the Believers? It is through the noble wives of the holy Prophet that the Muslims learnt the teachings of Islam in their personal concerns. It was not an ordinary work, but an important task of vast magnitude which was admirably accomplished by these pious ladies. (Allah be pleased with them). How can these facts be justifiably ignored in the matter of Muhammad's marriages?

It is strange indeed that the western critics of Islam and of the holy Prophet in their sordid endeavors to malign Muhammad (peace be upon him) close their eyes to all those illuminating facts which prove that his was a life of perfect sublimity and single-minded devotion to Allah, absolutely free from the taint of base desires. It is narrated on the authority of Jabir b. 'Abd Allah that Abu Jahl and some of the chiefs of the Quraysh approached the holy Prophet and said:

" If you are anxious for leadership, we are prepared to declare you our leader, if you need riches, we would collect for you an enormous amount of wealth that will suffice not only for you but even for your descendants; if you are impelled by sexual urge, you may choose ten beautiful damsels out of the whole tribe of Quraysh. The holy Prophet kept silent and did not utter a word. When their talks concluded, the holy Prophet recited the following verse of the Qur'an:

Ha Mim! A revelation from the Beneficent, the Merciful; A Book of which the verses are made plain, an Arabic Qur'an for people who know and the bearer of glad tidings and a warner: Yet most of them turn aside so that they hearken not. [Qur'an 41:4-4]

The holy Prophet recited these verses of the Qur'an and concluded them with the following verse:

Then if they still turn away, say thou: I warn you of calamity of the 'Ad and Thamud. [Qur'an 51: 13]

Even this single event is enough to prove Muhammad's immense love for Allah, his devotion to his sacred mission and the insignificance in his eyes the worldly pleasures. Allurement could not distract him, even for a moment, form the noble cause for which he stood and suffered all kinds of hardships and privations. No opportunity could be more attractive than that this offered by the chiefs of Quraysh for the satisfaction of sensuous pleasures, if he were so inclined."

Four Prophetic Traditions [Hadith]

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Four Prophetic Traditions [Hadith]:

1. "Said the Prophet: 'A grievously heinous sin in the estimation of God is to commit adultery with a woman living in one's neighbourhood'" [Bukhari & Muslim]

2. " He or she who casts a lewd glance at another and allows himself of herself to be attracted likewise, both meet the displeasure of God." [Dailami]

3. "There is nothing which God abhors more than adultery."

4. "Observed the Prophet: 'Whenever a calamity befalls a centre of population, take it for granted that immorality is rampant in that place.' [Dailami]

More Qur'anic quotes and Hadith:

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Qur'an 30:21]

"And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous." [Qur'an 25:74]

"Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when or how you will." [Qur'an 2:223]

Hadith: "Narrated Abdullah Ibn Abbas: Ibn Umar misunderstood (the Qur'anic verse, "So come to your tilth however you will") - may Allah forgive him. The fact is that this clan of the Ansar, who were idolaters, lived in the company of the Jews who were the people of the Book. They (the Ansar) accepted their superiority over themselves in respect of knowledge and the followed most of their actions. The people of the Book (i.e., the Jews) used to have intercourse with their women on one side alone (i.e., lying on their backs). This was the most concealing position for (the vagina of) the women. This clan of the Ansar adopted this practice from them. But this tribe of the Quraysh used to uncover their women completely, and seek pleasure with them from in front and behind and laying them on their backs.

When the muhajirun (the immigrants) came to Medina, a man married a woman of the Ansar. He began to do the same kind of action with her, but she disliked it, and said to him: We were approached on one side (i.e. lying on the back); do it so, otherwise keep away from me. The matter of theirs spread widely and it reached the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him).

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So Allah, the Exalted, sent down the Qur'anic verse: "Your wives are a tilth to you, so come to your tilth however you will," i.e., from in front, from behind or lying on the back. But this verse meant the place of the delivery of the child, i.e., the vagina." [from the Hadith literature: Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Number 2159]

"Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments." [Qur'an 2:187]

"It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her . . ." [Qur'an 7:189]

"And Allah has made for you mates (and companions) of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best: will they then believe in vain things, and be ungrateful for Allah's favours?" [Qur'an 16:72]

Hadith: On the authority of Abu Dharr : Some of the companions of the messenger of Allah said :" O Messenger of Allah, the affluent have made off with the rewards, they pray as we pray they fast as we fast, and they give away in charity the superfluity of their wealth." He said:" Has not Allah made things for you to give away in charity ? Every tasbihah is a charity, every takbirah is a charity, every tahmidah is a charity, and every tahlilah is a charity, to enjoin a good action is a charity, to forbid an evil action is a charity, and in the sexual act of each of you there is a charity." They said: "O Messenger of Allah, when one of us fulfils his sexual desire will he have some reward for that?" He said: "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully he would be sinning ? Likewise, if he has acted upon it lawfully he will have a reward." [Muslim]

Sex in Islam - Its Role and Purpose This more detailed response now follows . . .

2009-07-12T08:06:00.001-07:00

by Syed Mumtaz Ali & Rabia Mills

In the Islamic faith, the first and the foremost and the most reliable and highest form of religious law for faithful Muslims is contained within the holy Qur'an. The Prophetic Traditions (also known as Hadith, which are the sayings and doings and tacit approval of things said or done in the presence of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h.)(1) are a second source of law. With that said, we hope the following reply will answer your question.

According to Islam, procreation is not the sole and only purpose of marriage. While procreation is a primary purpose, companionship and enjoyment of the spouse along with avoidance of unlawful or sinful relationships are also secondary purposes. These secondary purposes play their own important roles in the Islamic teachings which govern sexual relations. In other words, although procreation is definitely an aim, it is not an exclusive aim. Procreation is the major purpose, but nonetheless enjoyment and other purposes also play significant roles in married life as evidenced by the Islamic teachings which relate to sexual relations.

Although the primary purpose of sex is procreation, the Qur'an does not forbid it when a woman reaches menopause. For example, in the Qur'an is the story is about the Prophet Zakariya a.s.(2) (Christian spelling -- Zakaria) [see Qur'an 19:1-15] who had fathered a child well into his old age. One verse in particular reads:

"He [Zakariya] said: "O my Lord! How shall I have a son, when my wife is barren and I have grown quite decrepit from old age?" [Qur'an 19:8]

"He said: "So (it will be): thy Lord saith, "That is easy for Me: I did indeed create thee before, when thou hadst been nothing!" [Qur'an 19:9]

The Qur'anic reference above, then, shows the case of a couple carrying on sexual relations well into old age. This in turn signifies that these relations are allowed within marriage and into old age for Muslim couples.

You will recall that this same story is found in the Old Testament with reference to Zakaria a.s. who was made to be mute for three days and nights as a sign from God.

In this connection, it is interesting to note that even in our relatively recent times, history has recorded the fact that the great Sufi Shaikh, Abdul Qadir Gilani r.a., was born on the 1st day of Ramadan 470 A.H [some historians say 471 A.H] which corresponds to March 18, 1078 A.D. His mother was 60 years of age at the time of his birth.

In terms of the Traditions of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h. we can see another meaningful example of this in the life of the Prophet. The Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. married his first wife (Khadija aged 40) when he was 25 years old, and he remained monogamous throughout his entire 26 years of marriage to her. He then married A'isha at the age of 54, but this was three years after the death of Khadija. It was after this marriage that he then took other wives. By the way, many non-Muslim writers have directed a great deal of unjust criticism against him for this. In fact all of these women were quite old or were widows who had been left destitute and without protection during those troubled times. And so as the head of State at Medina, the only proper way (according to Arab code) in which Muhammad p.b.u.h. could extend both protection and maintenance to them was by marriage.(3) [see also Appendix A] Those marriages were not only consummated, but ancillary sexual relations have also been reported to us through the Hadith literature. Hence another proof that sexual relations are considered acceptable well into old age. "Polygamy was not always considered to be so reprehensible as it is now. For example, St. Augustine himself observed that there was no intrinsic immorality or sinfulness in it, and declared that polygamy was not a crime where it was the legal institution of a country."(4) This subject matter, however, is another topic altogether. [see also Appendix B]

We have reproduced an excerpt on our website by Dr. M.A. Rauf from his book 'Marriage in Islam'. In this excerpt, Dr. Rauf discusses in great detail the advantages and possible disadvantages of marriage. Among the advantages that he discusses are procreation, fulfilment of the natural urge, companionship, comfort and relief to the soul, and so on. He also discusses the disadvantages and the types of burdens and risks involved with marriage. All of the advantages or benefits are in effect meant to be regarded as the secondary purpose of marriage which supplement its major aim or purpose, namely procreation. We would highly recommend that you read this excerpt for a more complete understanding of our present response to you.

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With regards to your question regarding menopause, we would also strongly suggest that you read the book "The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam" by Imam al-Ghazzali. (5) [see also Appendix C] We would particularly refer you to where al-Ghazzali explains the rationale and reasoning for the recommendation of marriage - even for the impotent. In his Conclusion, al-Ghazzali discusses the other purposes of marriage and that is to fulfil the natural sexual desires as well as to experience its joy and protection from the perils of lust.

If one cohabits with one's own wife -- not for carnal pleasure alone, but for performing the duty imposed by God -- it would be an act of piety and devotion, meriting the pleasure and reward from God and this is as the Prophet p.b.u.h. has observed. This is what has been described as spiritualizing temporal duties. [see also Appendix D] You might also refer to where Imam al-Ghazzali discusses the subject of relaxation and recreation for the soul and so on.

Islam also prescribes certain rules of sexual etiquette. Imam al-Ghazzali also sets out the PropheticTraditions which deal with the pleasures of 'foreplay' and other similar enjoyments that are permitted when the wife is menstruating. Not permitted, however, is to go so far as to copulate by means of penetration into the vagina during menstruation.

Islam has declared fornication (which by definition in Islam includes adultery) unlawful, and it goes to great lengths to make it repugnant by sanction and deterrent. It has even gone so far as to make any alliances of this type of unlawful sexual relationship a heinous sin and an odious offence. In other words, sexual relations of any kind, that fall outside of lawful marriage, are absolutely forbidden. For example:

"Nor come nigh to adultery for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils)." [Qur'an 17:32]

"The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication - flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a party of the Believers witness their punishment." [Qur'an 24:2]

"Those who bring the charge of adultery against chaste women but cannot produce four witnesses to prove the charge, give them 80 lashes and their testimony should never be believed." [Qur'an 24:4]

Sex in Islam: Its Role and Purpose

2009-07-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

Sex in Islam: Its Role and Purpose

By Syed Mumtaz Ali & Rabia Mills

Author's Note: We received an e-mail enquiry recently from a non-Muslim lady requesting information concerning the issue of sexual relations and menopause in Islam. We felt that her question warranted a more thorough approach, so we decided to publish a detailed answer.

Here is her original letter to us and our initial response to her. Please note her name and e-mail address have been withheld.

Her original letter to us:

I saw your posting on soc.religion.islam and hope you don't mind my writing you.

I've been trying to find information on how Islam, specifically the Qur'an, deals with the subject of sex. I am sure this may seem like a set-up of some sort but please let me assure you, it is not.

I'm on several menopause mailing lists, and the subject of sex and religion has come up. Some religions feel that sex should be only for procreation and not for enjoyment. With menopause putting an end to a woman's
fertility, those religions would appear to be saying that once a woman reaches menopause, she shouldn't be having sex.

I've been submerging myself in Islam newsgroups and books for the past month, and for the life of me, I can not find the reference that indicated that Islam dictates sexual relations only within marriage, and only for procreation.

Am I wrong? I'd appreciate any references that you might be able to provide. Please feel free to forward this message to anyone you feel may be able to help me. . . end of letter

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Our initial e-mail response to her:

Thank you for your enquiry . . .

Briefly, here are some quick answers to your two questions:

1. Procreation is NOT the only purpose of marriage in Islam, because a secondary purpose is also companionship and enjoyment.

2. Menopause does NOT put an end to sexual relations in a Muslim marriage.

End of our initial e-mail response to her

Oral Sex , Drinking Sexual Fluids , Anal Sex

2009-07-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

Oral Sex

Though there is no forbiddance on oral sex in Islam, however due to the fact that sexual fluids are impure (najs), therefore oral sex is disliked, but not forbidden.

Drinking Sexual Fluids

Sexual fluids are impure and must not be swallowed or drunk. Since this may cause illness to the individual and can be a huge risk for sexually transmitted diseases and others.

Sexual Positions

There is no restriction as to which sexual position a couple may take, as long as it does not cause either of the partners any harm.

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Anal Sex

Anal sex is forbidden in Islam - the anus serves the purpose of excreting the body's waste materials and sexual intercourse in anus can cause the splinter cells of the rectum to get damaged causing a high risk of sexually transmitted diseases and other diseases. Therefore it should be avoided at all costs.

Group Sex

All forms of group sexual activities are forbidden in Islam. If a man has more than one wife he can not have sexual relationships with both of them at the same time. Each person has rights in Islam, and these rights can not be violated through any relations. Exposing one wife to the other is a violation of both their rights of privacy. Furthermore, it will put both of them at risk of contracting diseases and may even lead to homosexual behavior between the two which is strictly forbidden in Islam for both men and women.

Sexual Display

Activities such as, strip dancing to arouse your partner and dressing up in costumes are not forbidden. Such matters are private matters and left to the discretion of the partners.

Pseudo Mascism

Pseudo Mascism is the practice of physically inflicting harm upon your spouse during or before sexual intercourse and is completely forbidden in Islam in all forms!

Role Playing

Role playing involves activities such as a partner assuming the role of a character and then the partners play along with a 'story line'. Many people find this sexually arousing. This may involve tying your partner up, spanking your partner or dominating your partner. As long as no physical harm is inflicted upon either of the spouses, there are no restrictions to any such activities in Islam.

Food & Sex

Many people like to use food items to enhance their sexual relationships. As long as these edibles are not used in an inappropriate manner (i.e. wastage or virginal insertion, etc) There is no prohibition on their usage.

Masturbation Between Spouses

Mutual masturbation between partners is permissible in Islam. This means that either of the partners may use their bodies to pleasure the other.

Individual Masturbation

Masturbating oneself (alone) is highly disliked and sinful in Islam. All people of age who are capable to marry are recommended to marry in Islam. However if for whatever reasons the individual is unable to marry they must fast to contain their sexual desires. However if there is a need to masturbate to prevent oneself from committing an immediate sin (i.e. they are in a position where if they did not masturbate they would commit fornication) In that case it is permissible.

Drinking one's wife's milk, during foreplay or intercourse

The husband is not permitted to drink his wife’s milk because, in the words of imam al-Haskafi in al-Durr al-Mukhtar, quoting Sharh al-Wahbaniyya, ‘It is a part of a human being and to make use of it without a real need to do so is Haram’. [Radd al-Muhtar, 3:212, Dar al-Kutub al-‘Ilmiyya]. This a general rule in the sacred law: No part of a human being may be sold or used for nourishment or other ‘deriving of benefit’ (intifa’), beyond that which the Saced Law has permitted. The baby’s drinking the mother’s milk is an exception, based on textual permission, due to the ‘real need’ (durura) to do so.

Reading Sexual Advice

Reading sexual advice on matters pertaining to sex, (i.e. new sexual positions, etc) is permitted in Islam for the gaining of knowledge as long as it does not involve looking at pictures of naked people.

Homosexuality

Homosexuality is strictly prohibited in Islam. Anyone partaking in such activities is cursed. If one finds such tendencies in themselves, they must take every step humanly possibly to prevent homosexual behavior. All scholars, schools of thoughts are unanimous on this stance.

Tran sexuality

Cross dressing is strictly forbidden in Islam and so is changing ones gender via cosmetic surgery or any other form!

Hermaphrodites

This is a sexual mutation where the person born has both the male and female genitals. Human biology has revealed that the male and female sexual organs are developed from the same part of the fetus, it is only the difference between X and Y chromosomes which determine the gender of the fetus and thus the genitals are formed accordingly. However it is possible for a mutation to occur causing the fetus to develop both the sexual organs of both genders. In such cases either neither of the genitals work or one of them works partially. The standing of Islam on hermaphrodites is that they should be left alone to live out their lives - sexual relationships with them is not permissible. There is no punishment on hermaphrodites, and on the day of judgment they will be judged according to the way Allah created them. And Allah best understands the problems people faced on Earth.

Fetishes

There is such a wide variety of fetishes that it is beyond the scope of this article to name them all! Some common ones are: foot fetishes -where the individual is obsessed with feet. Undergarment fetishes - where the individual finds collecting undergarments sexually gratifying. Within this category, any activities which involve inflicting harm upon oneself are forbidden. Islam does not encourage such behavior, and such behavior obliviously points to an affixation with something and may be looked down upon. However there is no prohibition on such behavior either as long as it is not causing the person to cause harm upon themselves or others, become a perverted individual or causing social ills.

Pornography - Hardcore and soft-core materials

All forms of pornography are forbidden in Islam. One may not realize this, but the models used in such activities could easily have been their own family members! Pornography is basically just glorified prostitution and prostitution is forbidden in Islam. Thus to eradicate such a social ill from society, even observing of such things is forbidden in Islam.

Sexual Photography

Many couples like to take photographs of themselves, or even nude photographs of their spouses. This is a potential high risk to the privacy of the couple! Take the example of popular celebrities like Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee and their sex tapes becoming public. Thus it is highly advisable to avoid such things. However there is no prohibition on it.

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~ ~ ~ ~

If you feel there is any opinions which are misstated on this page, please E-mail us providing evidence to support your argument and we will gladly change it.
If you feel there is a topic which needs to be addressed on this page please e-mail us and tell us about it.
http://path-to-peace.com/sexuality.html

Sexual Attractiveness in Marriage

2009-07-12T07:08:00.000-07:00

Sexual Attractiveness in Marriage

The sexual attractiveness is a continuous process that is necessary to bind the 2 spouses together. Some people misunderstand this to mean that a person is attractive before marriage in order to attract the other and need not maintain her attractiveness after that. A married person must always look attractive to their spouce. This prevents them from being tempted by others.

Conjugal Rights

Both husband and wife have rights to sexual satisfaction. The conjugal rights are enforceable by law. None of the spouses can refuse under reasonable conditions.

Hygiene

Cleanliness is a very important part of Islam. Muslims are required to wash before they pray, wash after they visit the toilet and even wash before and after they have sexual relations with their partners. The law has regulations for proper conduct of sexual relations. These serve at decreasing the risk of sexually transmitted diseases or at increasing the pleasure of both partners. Once a person has had sexual intercourse with their spouse they are in a state of impurity, and thus are required to do ghusl (shower). The state of impurity is reached not by the actual act of being intimate with your partner, but rather though the emission of bodily fluids such as semen, sweat, etc.

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Haya

The Islamic term haya is not perfectly translated by the English term, shyness. Haya is an inner spiritual protective device that makes a person shun sin and what may lead to it. It is not bashfulness or being introvert as some may think of it. Haya is considered part of faith, iman. It is the morality of Islam. Haya is always for the good and can never be negative. It is a characteristic attribute of all messengers. The Qur'an describes in detail the haya of the daughters of Shuaib in their meeting with Musa (PBUH) which should serve as a model for other women.

Conversation

It is advisable to hold conversations with your spouse about sexual intercourse so that each partner can come to a decision about what they enjoy and what they do not enjoy. It is not required, however it is beneficial. Maybe your partner does not like a certain position, or feels uncomfortable with it, or is experiencing pain during it, but not telling you in fear of displeasing you. So discussion should be open between the couple, since they are legally married in the sight of Allah, there is no harm upon them to discuss such matters openly with one another.

Seclusion

Needless to say, sexual intercourse is not a public affair! Thus ensure that you have sex in a private area, and not a public area where you are at risk of being seen. Putting yourself and your spouse in harms way is forbidden in Islam.

Foreplay

The Prophet instructed Muslim men to satisfy their wives during intercourse. One must avoid intercourse with one’s wife before any foreplay. Rather, one should kiss and caress their partner to sexually simulate them. Masturbating your partner is allowed in Islam for the purpose of sexual simulation. When one sees that his/her partner is ready, prepared, and desirous of them, only then should they initiate intercourse. The wisdom behind this is evident, since both partners will enjoy the act of sexual intercourse more.

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Sexual Issue

2009-07-12T07:02:00.000-07:00

Sexual relations are for the pleasure of both the husband and the wife and for the procreation of children. Sexual intercourse is not limited to vaginal penetration but includes other forms of sexual caressing, such as kissing and fondling of various kinds.

With a few exceptions, the couple can engage in any activities that they like, in any manner and in any position. Allah rewards such activities as surely as he punishes sinful activities. The Qur'an says, "Women are your fields. Go then into your fields as you please." (2:223)

It is forbidden to have vaginal intercourse while a woman is menstruating (Qur'an 2:222). According to the Sunnah of the Prophet, a man and his menstruating wife can however give one another pleasure so long as the woman's genitals are avoided.

There are Hadith that forbid anal intercourse and scholars generally agree that it is not permissible.

The Qur'an and the Sunnah are generally silent as to the various forms that sexual relations may take. Most authorities consider that it is up to the husband and wife in love and mutual respect to decide how to physically express their sexual desires.

What goes on in bedroom, is a private matter and should not be discussed or revealed to other persons unless there is some necessity, such as health or safety. Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet said this about people who reveal and discuss openly their sexual practices: "Do you know what those who do this are like? Those who do this are like a male and female devil who meet each other on the road and satisfy their desire while the people look on."

Prohibition of Temporary Sexual Relations

There are 4 types of temporary sexual relations:
a) temporary marriage, mut'at
b) prostitution, bighaa
c) adultery between consenting adults, zina
d) marriage with the hidden intention to divorce after a time, zawaaj bi niyyat al talaq.
They are forbidden because they reduce the sexual relation to its physical form without regard to the emotional, psychological, and social dimensions. They undermine and destroy the fabric of society. Temporary marriage, mut'at, is forbidden by law. This is a type of marriage contracted by both parties for a fixed period of time. It violates the need for children to be reared in a permanent family. Humans require at least 15 years to be reared to adulthood. Prostitution is the exchange of sexual favors for money. It is physical enjoyment without emotional or psychological involvement. The law prohibits forcing girls into prostitution for the sake of money. Adultery, zina, may have some form of emotional and psychological involvement besides the physical enjoyment but these are temporary. Marriage with the intention of divorcing- the practice involves dishonesty on the part of the husband by failing to disclose his full intentions to the partner. Disclosure would of course turn this type of marriage into a form of mut'at marriage, therefore forbidden.

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Permission of Sexual Intercourse from the Age of Puberty

Islam is the truth from the creator, and Allah has created humans in a manner that they are capable of bearing children from the age of puberty. When this age is achieved, Islam gives the individuals the right to marry with the consent of their guardians. The evidence of this is the marriage of Aisha(r) to Mohammed - when she reached the age of puberty the marriage was consummated. In the world today we often hear of 'teenage pregnancies' and such issues which is a clear indication that there are various cases where individuals who have reached puberty feel the need to become sexually active. Thus Islam has allowed marriage at such an age as long as the education and well being of the two individuals is safeguarded.

Age Differences

There is no restriction in Islam with regards to age differences between the spouses. The exception is that no sexual relationships may be enjoined before puberty is reached. The woman or the man may be older or younger than the other, it does not matter since God allows it. It is only human ignorance that they still look negatively upon an older woman marrying a younger man or vice versa. Islam however puts no restrictions in this regards and looks positively at the concept of marriage, irrespective of age differences.

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“Nikah” The Islamic “N” Word; What Does It Exactly Mean?

2009-07-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

By Abdullah Al Araby

Those who master the Arabic language, and who have read the Quran in the original Arabic, are usually stunned when they read it translated into a foreign language. They can’t help but notice that there are numerous discrepancies between the original Arabic and the translation. Careful examinations would lead one to discern that these are not merely routine human errors. Analytical thinking uncovers the reality that the discrepancies are part of a deliberate, intentional plot to deceive. The translator‘s objective is to distract the foreign readers and prospective converts from the cruelties and prejudices of the Quran.

Certain words, concepts and phrases in the original Arabic Quran sound strange to foreign readers. Arabic speaking Muslims have become accustomed to them. However, when one attempts accurate literal translation of these, the result is rather shocking. You will have in hand a book that contains strange expressions and vulgar language. What was supposed to be a “holy” book would become X-rated, unsuitable for family-oriented use and children reading material.

Muslim translators facing this dilemma, found themselves in a position demanding meticulous cleverness. It would take a lot of patching and polishing to make their translations of the Quran read as a “holy” book should.. Their aim was to present the outside world a version of the Quran that would attract people to Islam rather than repel them from it.

The intentional mistranslation of the Quran is a massive subject that needs to be explored and dealt with in a separate thesis. For the purpose of this article we will give just a few examples before zeroing in on the topic of this article.

In Sura 112:1

"Say: He is Allah, the One and Only..”. In the original Arabic, the word which was translated "Only" in this verse was actually "One of." The translator couldn't literarily translate it, because it would have implied "shirk" (associating other Deities with Allah).

In Sura 33:056

“Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.”
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The phrase “send blessings” was originally “pray upon”. The translator didn’t think it is appropriate to say that God and His Angels would pray upon (inferring praying to) the prophet Mohamed, so he had to change it to “send blessings.”

This is an example of the difficulty translators sometimes face when trying to literarily translate the Quran, and how they have to deviate from the original text to present something that makes sense. We are not trying to say here that Muslims believe that God or Muslims pray to Mohammed.

In Sura 24: 30, & 31

“Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do…… And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty….”;

”The phrase “their modesty” was originally a word which means the specific private parts of a man or a woman. The translator didn’t think it is appropriate to literarily translate the word.

In Sura 4:34

“As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).”

This verse actually gives a husband the right to beat his wife if he deems her disobedient. The translator attempted to reduce the shocking effect of such teaching and substituted his own inventions. First, he introduced the concept that the discipline progresses in stages; (first, next, and last). The stages do not exist in the original Arabic. The verse in its original form implies that a husband can choose one or all of three responses, if he thinks his wife is disobedient. The stages are the product of the translator’s devious imagination. Even his terminology about the degree of severity permitted in beating a wife is also deceptive. The qualifying word lightly does not exist in the original Arabic Quran. His plot was to soften and qualify the concept of beating one’s wife by adding in the word lightly. The Arabic Quran says “beat them,” period.

Another word in the list of serious intentional mistranslation is the Arabic word “Nikah.” The word has been translated as “marriage.” But those who understand Arabic know that this is not the exact meaning of the word. There is another word that is normally translated as marriage, and correctly so. It is the Arabic word “Zawag.” It is also mentioned in the Quran, as in the following verses:

“Then when Zaid had dissolved (his marriage) with her, with the necessary (formality), We joined her in marriage to thee: in order that (in future) there may be no difficulty to the Believers in (the matter of) marriage with the wives of their adopted sons, when the latter have dissolved with the necessary (formality) (their marriage) with them. And Allah's command must be fulfilled.” Sura 33: 37

The Arabic word “Nikah” is also translated as “marriage" in many other verses in the Quran as in the following:

“If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four” Sura 4: 3

“Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry and but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.” Sura 24: 3

“And when ye ask (Mohammed’s wives) for anything ye want, ask them from before a screen: that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs. Nor is it right for you that ye should annoy Allah's Messenger, or that ye should marry his widows after him at any time. Truly such a thing is in Allah's sight an enormity.” Sura 33: 53

Other verses where this word is also used are:

Sura 2: 221, 230, 232, 235 & 237; Sura 4: 6, 22 ,25 & 127; Sura 24:3, 27, 32, 33, 60 & 127; Sura 33: 49 & 50

The meaning of “Nikah”

What exactly does “Nikah” mean? The word Nikah doesn’t exactly mean “Marriage.” Let’s explore what the word means from the classical Islamic reference books according to the opinion of recognized Islamic scholars.

From: Dictionary of the Quranic phrases and its meaning; Sheik Mousa Ben Mohammed Al Kaleeby, Cairo, Maktabat Al Adab, 2002

The definition of “Nikah” is the penetration of one thing by another. Examples would be as in saying the seed (N) the soil or sleep (N) the eye. It also can mean the entwining of two objects one with the other. An example would be saying the trees (N) each other, meaning they entwined with one another.

From: Kitab (Book of) Al Nikah. Commentary of Imam Ahmed Ben Ali Ben Hagar Al Askalani, Beirut, Dar Al Balagha, 1986

Linguistically, “Nikah” means embracing or penetrating. When it is pronounced “Nokh” it refers to a woman’s vagina. It is mainly used in the context of “sexual intercourse.” When it was used in reference to marriage it is because sex is a necessity in marriage. Al Fassi said,”If someone says a certain man (N) a certain woman, it means he married her, and if he says a man (N) his wife, it means he has sexual intercourse with her.” The word can also be used metaphorically as with expressions: the rain (N) the ground, or, the sleep (N) the eyes, or, the seed (N) the soil, or, the pebble (N) the camel’s hoof. When it was used in the context of marriage it is because sexual intercourse is the purpose of marriage. It is necessary in marriage to “taste the honey” (an Islamic expression meaning literal intercourse). This is the how the word has generally been used in the Quran except in the verse that says, “Make trial of orphans until they reach the age of (N)” Sura 4: 6. In that instance it pertains to the age of puberty. The Shafia and Hanafi schools of jurisprudence assert that the word nikah when used as a fact conveys that sexual intercourse has occurred. And when used as a figure of speech it denotes marriage. The reason for this variance is because it is offensive to mention the word “intercourse,” so a metonymic word is used to substitute it

In conclusion.

There is a word in Arabic that correctly translates “marriage.” It is “zawag.” However, “Nikah, the (N) word,” which is more commonly used in translations of the Quran to mean marriage, carries entirely different implications. “Nikah” implies that the emphasis in the relationship between a man and his wife solely sexual. This degrades marriage. It is another proof about how Islam looks down on marriage and the role women play in it. It enforces the Islamic concept that a wife's primary role in Islam is that of a sex object, created to satisfy the husband’s sexual appetites. On the other hand, marriage in the Christian tradition is a union between a husband and his wife based on mutual love, respect and equality. It is two people of the opposite sex becoming one, not just for sex, but to be the nucleus for a family that shares ALL of life’s challenges. While sex is an important part of marriage, it is tragic to consider it primary. Marriage is a life-long relationship that supposed to lovingly endure beyond the perimeters of sex.

“And, Allah knows best,” as the Muslims would say.

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Sex as Sadaqa

2009-06-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

Sex as Sadaqa

An excerpt from 'The Muslim Marriage Guide', By Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood (Amana Publications).

"Women shall have rights similar to the rights upon them; according to what is equitable and just; and men have a degree of advantage over them." (Quran, 2:216)

They do indeed! This passage of the Holy Quran was revealed in connection with the rights of women following a divorce, but it also has a general sense. One basic right of every person taking on a contract never to have sex other than with their own legitimate partner is that each spouse should therefore provide sexual fulfillment (imta') to the other, as part of the bargain.

Now, every man knows what sexual things please him--but some men, particularly those who have not been married before and are therefore lacking experience, don't seem to know much about how to give the same pleasure to the woman; even worse, some men do know but they can't be bothered to make the effort. Yet this is vital if a marriage is to succeed and not just be a disappointing burden for the woman, and it is a vital part of one's Islamic duty.

It is not acceptable for a Muslim man just to satisfy himself while ignoring his wife's needs. Experts agree that the basic psychological need of a man is respect, while that of a woman is love. Neither respect nor love are things that can be forced--they have to be worked for, and earned. The Prophet (s) stated that in one's sexual intimacy with one's life partner there is sadaqa (worship through giving):

Allah's Messenger (pbuh) said: "In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqa." The Companions replied: "O Messenger of Allah! When one of us fulfils his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?" And he said, "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded." (Muslim)

This hadith only makes sense if the sexual act is raised above the mere animal level.

What is the magic ingredient that turns sex into sadaqa, that makes it a matter of reward or punishment from Allah? It is by making one's sex life more than simple physical gratification; it is by thought for pleasing Allah by unselfish care for one's partner. A husband that cannot understand this will never be fully respected by his wife.

Neither spouse should ever act in a manner that would be injurious or harmful to their conjugal life. Nikah is the sacred tie between husband and wife, that sincere and devoted love without which they cannot attain happiness and peace of mind.

"Of His signs is this: that He created for you spouses that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy." (Quran, 30:21)

Now, every Muslim knows that a man has a right on his wife. However, because nikah is a contract never to seek sexual satisfaction outside the marriage bond, Islam commands not only the women but the men in this respect, and makes it clear that if a husband is not aware of the urges and needs of his wife, he will be committing a sin by depriving her of her rights.

According to all four orthodox jurists, it is incumbent upon the husband to keep his wife happy and pleased in this respect. Likewise, it is essential for the wife to satisfy the desire of the husband. Neither should reject the other, unless there is some lawful excuse.

Now, it is fairly easy for a woman to satisfy a man and make herself available to him, even if she is not really in the mood. It is far harder for a man to satisfy a woman if he is not in the mood, and this is where an important aspect of male responsibility needs to be brought to every Muslim man's attention, and stressed strongly.

The jurists believed that a woman's private parts needed "protecting" (tahsin). What they meant was that it was important for a Muslim husband to satisfy his wife's sexual needs so that she would not be tempted to commit zina out of despair or frustration.

A Muslim wife is not merely a lump of flesh without emotions or feelings, just there to satisfy a man's natural urges. On the contrary, her body contains a soul no less important in God's sight than her husband's. Her heart is very tender and delicate, and crude or rough manners would hurt her feelings and drive away love. The husband would be both foolish and immoral to act in any way unpalatable to her natural temperament, and a man selfishly seeking his own satisfaction without considering that of his wife is a selfish boor. In fact, according to a hadith:

"Three things are counted as inadequacies in a man. Firstly, meeting someone he would like to get to know, and taking leave of him before learning his name and his family. Secondly, rebuffing the generosity that another shows to him. And thirdly, going to his wife and having intercourse with her before talking to her and gaining her intimacy, satisfying his need from her before she has satisfied her need from him." (Daylami)

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This is another of the things implied by the saying that one's wife is "a tilth unto you." (Quran, 2:223) The imagery is that of a farmer taking care of his fields. According to Mawlana Abul-Ala Mawdudi:

"The farmer sows the seed in order to reap the harvest, but he does not sow it out of season or cultivate it in a manner which will injure or exhaust the soil. He is wise and considerate, and does not run riot." (Afzalur Rahman, Quranic Sciences, London 1981, p.285)

Likewise, in the case of husband and wife, the husband should not just:

“Take hold of his wife and rub the seed and finish the business of procreation. The damage in this case could sometimes be irreparable, because a woman, unlike a farm, is very sensitive and has emotions, feelings, and strong passions which need full satisfaction and attention in a proper and appropriate manner.” (Afzalur Rahman, Quranic Sciences, London 1981, p. 286)

If this is not taken into consideration, and the wife is not properly prepared to start lovemaking, or is unsatisfied when it is finished, there could be many psychological and physiological complications leading to frigidity and other abnormalities. Indeed, many husbands eventually become disappointed with their wives, believing them to be frigid or unable to respond to their activities (unlike the sirens on the film or TV screen), and they wonder what is wrong with them. A possible explanation will follow in a moment.

Allah created male and female from a single soul in order that man might live with her in serenity (Quran, 7:189), and not in unhappiness, frustration and strife. If your marriage is frankly awful, then you must ask yourself how such a desperate and tragic scenario could be regarded by anyone as "half the Faith." According to a hadith:

"Not one of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you." "And what is that messenger?" they asked, and he replied: "Kisses and words." (Daylami)

These "kisses and words" do not just include foreplay once intimacy has commenced. To set the right mood, little signals should begin well in advance, so that the wife has a clue as to what is coming, and is pleasantly expectant, and also has adequate time to make herself clean, attractive and ready. As regards intimacy itself, all men know that they cannot achieve sexual fulfillment if they are not aroused. They should also realise that it is actually harmful and painful for the female organs to be used for sex without proper preparation. In simple biological terms, the woman's private parts need a kind of natural lubrication before the sexual act takes place. For this, Allah has created special glands, known to modern doctors as the Bartholin glands, which provide the necessary "oils."

It is still possible to read old-fashioned advice to husbands that a desirable wife should be "dry"--which is remarkable ignorance and makes one really grieve for the poor wives of such inconsiderate men. Just as no one would dream of trying to run an engine without the correct lubricating fluids, it is the same, through the creative will of Allah, with the parts of the female body designed for sexual intimacy. A husband should know how to stimulate the production of these "oils" in his wife, or at the very least allow her to use some artificial "oils." This lack of knowledge or consideration is where so many marital problems frequently arise.

As Imam al-Ghazali says: "Sex should begin with gentle words and kissing," and Imam al-Zabidi adds: "This should include not only the cheeks and lips; and then he should caress the breasts and nipples, and every part of her body." (Zabidi, Ithaf al-Sada al Muttaqin, V 372) Most men will not need telling this; but it should be remembered that failure to observe this Islamic practice is to neglect or deny the way Allah has created women.

Insulting a wife with bad marital manners

Firstly, a husband must overcome his shyness enough to actually look at his wife, and pay attention to her. If he cannot bring himself to follow this sunna, it is an insult to her, and extremely hurtful. Personal intimacy is a minefield of opportunities to hurt each other--glancing at the watch, a yawn at the wrong moment, appearing bored, and so on. A husband's duty is to convince his wife that he does love her--and this can only be done by word (constantly repeated word, I might add--such is the irritating nature of women!), and by looking and touching.

Many people believe that the expression in the eyes reveals much of the human soul. Certainly the lover's gaze is a most endearing and treasured thing. Many wives yearn for that gaze of love, even after they have been married for years. If you cannot bring yourself to look at her while paying attention to her, she can only interpret this as a sign that you do not really love her. And even though it may be irritating to you, and seem quite superfluous, most women are deeply moved when a man actually tells her that he loves her.

Sex is clean!

A modest upbringing is part of good character. The Prophet (s) himself said: "Modesty brings nothing but good." (Bukhari and Muslim) But another, also important, part of Islamic teaching says that all of Allah's creation is beautiful and pure, particularly when it is part of the body of human beings, who are designed as His deputies upon the earth. In some religions, people traditionally believed that the woman's private parts are in some way unclean, or dirty, or even evil